ONLY IN HAWAII...OR GO HALF WAY UP CALIFORNIA AND TURN LEFT

This request came from Kimber An
"More pictures of Hawaii"

"Hawaii is a unique state.
It is a small state.
It is a state that is by itself.
It is different than the other 49 states.
Well, all states are different, but its got a particularly unique situation."
This was said by former US VP Dan Quale.

Yeah. Well. An exotic location like Hawaii can add cache to an author, but poses unique challenges. Like the long swim to California. And the fact that my arches are flat from only wearing flip flops.
Sure, I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking all I do is loll in the sun, swim, and drink maitais all day.
First of all you're forgetting I have to snorkel and go to luaus too. And my drink of choice is a pina colada or anything with rum.
But outside of that there is something a bit isolating about never having winter. About hearing all the fun you all are having with sleet and snow and wind chill factors.
I feel positively left out.
So it's 11 pm and 74 degrees outside.
Do you know where your muse is?

THE LIAR'S DIARY BY PATRY FRANCIS

There are times the community of authors becomes very tight indeed.
Hang in there Patry.
Our thoughts are with you.
And for my blogging buddies? Here's a great book.

THE LIARS DIARY

ITS ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEE

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A PHOTO OF ME.
Some blog readers appear to be disillusioned.
Lit agent blogs are full of commenters with complaints about us debut authors.
I paraphrase here:
New authors are selfish.
They are too self-absorbed. Blog readers don't want to hear pearls of wisdom about writing. They're sick and tired of hearing every single teeny tiny detail about the publishing process.
They positively HATE debut authors who set themselves up as gurus as if they (and they alone) know the secret to getting requests for fulls and partials.
And that neener neener neener attitude?
It sucks, thank you very much.
So there.
Okay.
Fine.
We aren't going to talk about me on this blog post.
We aren't going to talk about what I'm doing or about Baby Horse or giving Paul Theroux riding lessons.
We're not even going to talk about Touloose. Or the fact that I just got SIX copies of my Dutch edition. Or the fact that I'm doing my taxes.
Or that my UK edition made the Tesco chart and I got a perfectly wonderful email from Tess Gerritsen about seeing piles of LOTTERY at the book stores in England and Scotland.
We aren't going to talk about that.
We aren't going to talk about what my next novel is about and how part of my research was learning archery with a toy bow and arrow and it ended up being a total waste of time as I ended up throwing that part of the book out and re writing it.
We aren't going to talk about that.
We aren't going to discuss how too many writers use "as" clauses and "tell not show."
We aren't going to talk about meeting really-cool librarians from Wisconsin who go to Hawaii on vacation and meet debut authors.
And how much fun book clubs are. We DEFINITLY are not going to talk about bookclubs from New Jersey or Maryland or Florida or Ohio or California or New York or Colorado or Hawaii or Maine or...
We aren't going to talk about that.
NOT AT ALL.
Not one bit.
Okay.
I feel much better now demonstrating that I can go for one entire blog post not talking about myself.
Don't you?
So how about it?
What do you want me to not talk about?

AND HERE'S A HINT...ONE TO COMPARE

NO THIS IS NOT ORION...IT'S A NEIGHBOR'S SLOOP.
See what you can come up with...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE

OR: Write what you know...

74 degrees 8:18 pm
So we found this picture in an ad for charts in a boating magazine. The title of the ad was: THINK YOU DON'T NEED ACCURATE CHARTS? JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR ELECTRONICS FAIL.
And Gordon said you'd have bigger problems than charts, if you were sailing this boat.
Looks ok?
Well maybe research really does work the same as knowing exactly how something works in fiction.
But?
Writers have to be really really careful.
So why does this ad make me think that the advertiser knows nothing about sailing.
Supply your conjectures.
Hint.
There's more than one reason...
Now I'm not saying a writer actually has to fly a plane. Go up in space. Fight an alien. Ride a horse or sail a boat to write about them.
A writer just has to have a great imagination and preselect their beta readers who have expertise.
But when readers like me read a book and it's about scuba diving and the author doesn't mention the bubbles stream upward to the surface- in fact they describe glistening orbs gently following the diver underwater. Or maybe their book is about a medical laboratory in a hospital and they have their lab techs work directly with blood, without gloves and face shields or maybe they are writing about an architect and have him design a multimillion dollar building on a napkin in a restaurant instead of using CAD.
Whatever the mistake I believe readers will search it out and find it.
It's not that a writer has to have direct experience it's just that we have to fool the reader so they think we do.
So.
What's wrong with this picture?

FEATHER DUSTER WORMS NO KA OI

He's shy. He's oh so shy.

8:30 pm The air conditioner is on. 73 degrees.
The author is slightly indisposed. Or sea sick. You choose.
I've been doing some reading. Some writing. Being analytical about my novels. Excited to talk to Book Clubs.
Getting distracted. Ah yes. The distractions.
A Day in the Life
The Attention Deficit Author.
5:30 am
Lie to husband that I'm getting up.
5:35 am
Get up because Cat hurled on bed.
6:00 am
Make coffee
6:30 am
Put water in coffee pot
7:00
Start writing
7:05
Answer email.
7:10
Write
7:12
Answer email.
7: 23
Write.
7:25
Answer email
7:30
GOOGLE ALERT
8:00
unplug router
8:20
Break into cold sweat.
8:30
Plug router back in.
8:35
Unplug router.
9:00
Write.
Noon
Realize that I have written for three hours without interruptions and do happy dance around computer.
12:01
Cat walks on keyboard deleting aforementioned accomplishment.
12:02
Plug router back in.
12:03
GOOGLE ALERT.
12:05
Write.
12:10
Surf net looking for scientific name of Kangaroos.
1:50
Now looking for vacation destinations in Australia.
2:10
Take survey whether obsessive compulsive.
3:20
Still taking survey.
4:24
Husband calls
4:26
Unplug router.
4:30
Write
4:45
Husband comes home.
Author assures husband that she had productive day and asks where he wants to take said author to dinner...

GETTING FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END OR HOW TO WRITE A NOVEL IN THREE EASY STEPS

NUMBER ONE:
FIND YOUR PREMISE

Here I am in the Pacific Ocean, which everyone knows contains more than its share of premises, ideas, and first sentences (and quite a few last sentences, too). It is rumored that this is where "My name is Ishmael" came from.
11 pm and 74 degrees.
Always helpful.
That's me. Not only do I provide instructions on the care and feeding of editors' Mothers, I also give valuable nuggets and novel writing tips. Just what the aspiring writer needs, to finish that sure to be best seller.
After selecting your premise you then have to (and here we have the next point)
NUMBER TWO
Write it until it is done.
This can be readily accomplished by putting a thousand monkeys in a room and letting them type away for eons. You can speed the process if you give them paper and occasionally bananas...

And finally: NUMBER THREE
editing and revisioning

It can be difficult to visualize this process. Here is an example of a novel with a great beginning and end but that has flaws in the middle. A writer must address this floppy structure or...um...their horses can escape.
Well I hope this helps.
I for one plan to follow this advice myself. In fact I will be back out in the ocean premise hunting tomorrow.
So I have a question.
Where do you land lubbers get your ideas?
Inquiring minds want to know...

UNREALISTIC PLOT LINES OR HOW TO KIDNAP AND HOLD YOUR EDITOR'S MOTHER HOSTAGE

I had such fun last week. I was a designated authorial tour guide.

DEAR EDITOR,
I HAVE YOUR MOTHER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAGOON...
10 pm and 72 degrees. Looks like we have to pull out the winter blankets tonight.
My editor who UBER ROCKS has a mother who also UBER ROCKS.
I got to steal her away from her hotel and take her on a whirlwind tour of the island. I even put her on top of the world famous wonder horse Airborne. We snorkeled, watched waves, drove around the island and ate some excellent lunches.
I was tempted to keep her but was persuaded to send her back. I think all authors should meet their editor's mothers.
What does this have to do with writing?
Well.
Many times on writers' blogs and message boards there is this negativity about publishing professionals. Writers talk about agents who won't give them a chance and editors who take pleasure in rejecting writers.
I'd like to present another side.
Agents who love the written word and who fall in love with the premises and voices of their clients. Who go to bat for them and watch out for them.
And the editors who become friends with their authors. Who have made their books better and who take pleasure in the fact that they have given readers something special.
They have families. They have mothers. They are real people.
They are not out to get writers.
They are out to find them.
So Mahalo (thank you) and Aloha
to:
Peternelle Van Arsdale of Putnam (US hardback)
Jackie Cantor of Berkely (US trade paperback)
and
Jason Arthur of William Heinemann (UK)
YOU all more than UBER ROCK
Oh.
Check out the book in POSITION NUMBER TEN ON THE TESCO HARDBACK CHART

GOT FINS?

ANATOMY of a NOVEL

Distractions:
A day in the life.
6:30 pm and 75 degrees.
Things are never what they seem. Fins. On the surface a playful dophin. Underneath? A hungry shark in disguise.
I start out with a premise that I adore. I love it. Can't wait to start. Write the first sentence. YES!!! and they're off.
1000 words. Oh my gosh. This is GOOD. This is going to be big. BIG I tell you.
5000 words. THIS IS THE BEST F***ing STUFF I'VE EVER WRITTEN!!!
10,000 words. hmmm should I change the male nurse to a female transvestite? And a cat. Maybe a dog. Or a fish. And the location. Greece, I think...
20,000 words. This is going nowhere. Maybe a novella. If I do a novella this could be the first draft. I could be done.
30,000 words. Okay what else. There's not enough story here. Instead of Greece maybe Peoria...but that kind of nixes the transvestite. I'll make her a plumber.
40,000 words. Oh no. Now the cat is the main character. And he's swearing too much.
50,000 words. This sucks. No. This REALLY sucks. This sucks so much it's reverse suck.
60,000 words. I'll change the title. Good. Now I have to change the main character's name. Now the POV. I wonder what it would be like in first person limited Omniscient?
70,000 words. I guess it WAS better third person. I'm moving it to Greece again and changing her back to a transvestite.
75,000 words. Portland. How about Portland. And her name's Michelle. No. Donna. No. Sally. No. Leah. No. I think Michelle is good.
80,000 words. Hey. This is getting good. Just a few more line edits (note to self- are there kangaroos in New Zealand)
85,000 words.Oh my gosh. This is GOOD. This is going to be big. BIG I tell you.
90,000 words. This really sucks...

So that's how it is for me. How is it for you?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!***###@@@!!!***###@@@!!!***###AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIRBORNE

PLEASE JOIN ME IN WISHING AIRBORNE A VERY HAPPY 26TH BIRTHDAY

On January first all thoroughbreds become one year older no matter what their birth date. Airborne has owned me for over 20 years. In his younger days he was the Hawaii State Jumper Champion for years. He's done it all...
Combined Training and Dressage.

Hunters and Jumpers.


Whatever I've asked him to do he has done willingly with a flair all his own. We've been in clinics with George Morris, Greg Best, Victor Hugo Vidal, Sally O'Connor, General Burton among others...and Airborne has wowed them all.
He has his own unique style. Unmistakable.In a class by himself.A horse in a million.
The four and a half foot fences he used to jump are now cross rails. His canter is a bit stiff and his trot somewhat uneven. But he's still going strong.
And I still learn from him. He takes each day at a time. Appreciates that carrot in his feed tub and a roll in soft grass. He rumbles and nickers when I drive up and already recognizes my new car.
When I make my resolutions for 2008 I've decided to be more like Airborne.
To be thankful for what I have instead of yearning for what I don't.
To do everything possible to excel and never let those who depend on me, down.
To look for those carrots in unlikely places.
And take time to relax and just roll.
So how about you? What are your New Years Resolutions?
NOTE:
This just in: London, England. Heathrow Airport Borders.
Sent by a vigilant blogger.

My loyal but honest husband made me add several more New Years Resolutions:
Stop googling my name obsessively (Note: I am not obsessive -- I just have to do it every thirty minutes).
Stop leaving the sponge in the bottom of the sink all wet and gushy (in my defense since I use it as a cat weapon it has to stay gushy for optimum effect).
Refrain from mentioning anything remotely to do with publishing for at least five minutes out of a 24 hour day (Hey...people are interested... aren't they...hey hey come back! Hey why are they all walking away?).
Have a fabulous 2008 everyone!

THE ZEN OF CHRISTMAS

Things bear repeating.

74 degrees and 9 pm Christmas day.
This one's for Galen - it's a dragon nudibranch. I've taken many photographs of these creatures. I never tire of them. I guess you could call them my passion among many things (horses, sailboats, diving).
So one of my Christmas books was from Touloose. THE ZEN OF WRITING by Ray Bradbury. He said so much that rings true for writers but one thing was especially meaningful to me.
Write your passion.
Take your character and make them love what you love and want what you want. In this way you can make your story authentic and tell the truth.
So I now find myself writing about a poor disoriented woman who is seaching for the perfect black and white cat.
One with opposable thumbs.
Oh yeah,
His name's gotta be Touloose...

JINGLE BELL JINGLE BELL JINGLE BELL ROCK...

WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON

76 degrees and 9 pm.
We will be sharing Christmas dinner with the pirate / beta reader on Wandering Star. Christmas Eve day Gordon and I will have a leisurely horse back ride on Airborne and Veritas.

Although we don't have a tree on board we do have teeny tiny Christmas tree worms that live on ORION's hull.

MELE KALIKIMAKA

THE MYSTERY OF THE VAGRANT VEGETABLE...OR...IS THAT A TOMATO IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME

I'm going to kill two tomatoes with one literary metaphorical stone.
I was tagged by sustenence scout.
I'm supposed to list three things that I believe make for powerful writing. So I decided to tell a story. Bear with me...

TOMATO TODAY TOMATO SOUP TOMORROW

The vegetable was dead. No doubt about it. Pierced with twelve to fourteen deep gashes over it's entire circumference. Funny. No blood. I walked into the galley. Another body lay stretched out on the companionway steps. It was a gruesome sight. But again no blood. This murderer was crafty and careful.
Exhibit A found at the foot of my bed at approximately 6:03 am.


Exhibit B found on the companionway steps at 6:05am.

The medical examiner was thorough and blunt. He combed his hair from the back to cover his bald spot. His sansabelt pants were heading toward the south pole.
"These wounds were made by needle sharp teeth," he said. "Any one of which would have been fatal. This is one frenzied killer."
I couldn't believe it. A murderer on the loose. ORION is no longer safe.
I interviewed the two boat cats.
They didn't see a thing.
Didn't hear a thing.
I was stumped.
Looks like another one for Cold Case.

So what does this have to do with three things for powerful words?
Well. First of all.
1. Sometimes perfectly normal mornings can turn into grotesque nightmares. Write about them.
2. Death is compelling even when it's only a vegetable. Write about it.
3.(to paraphrase Clinton) It's the story, stupid.
It's always the story.
Oh. By the way?
The culprit was not who you expected.

The fourth thing? Expect the unexpected.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO KNOW WHAT I SOUND LIKE...

Back in August I did a radio interview in Seattle
with CBS affiliate KMPS you need to scroll all the way down to the bottom for August 25, Patricia Wood. It's on their website now. How cool is that?
On another note...
This is TOOOOO FUNNY!!!

YOU HAVE TO LET ART FLOW OVER YOU...

THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING...
The UK hardback of LOTTERY will be released January 3, 2008. All my blogger buddies in the UK have to promise to take photos of LOTTERY in bookstores like FOYLES and WATERSTONES.
Touloose approves of the UK edition.
IT FEELSSO VERY GOODYES. OH YES

Um. You were saying?
Touloose hearts books.
Hey he's only doing what I'd like to do. Pile all those copies of Lottery up under my pillow and sleep on them.

BLOG BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION OF LOTTERY

Starting Thursday December 13.
ON MOM AND MORE
This is the rejuvenation of one of the oldest (first?) book club blogs. Here is your opportunity to chat about LOTTERY
Anything goes: you can ask about research, the publishing process, the literary techniques to make the reader feel "slow", the characterization, the lottery...
See you there.
Also inquiring minds want to know what I got from my husband for my 21st anniversary present (besides dinner in San Francisco).
I took a picture of it.
A stone box with a pen and tablet inside that can stay by my bedside. He told me it's for ideas.
The box is covered with dragonflies.
The perfect gift.
This is why we are still married.

I HEART SEALIONS

MY FAVORITE PART OF SAN FRANCISCO...besides the sour dough bread, the steamed crab, the hot chowder...



While I was in San Francisco I discovered THIS ONLINE
I met Martha O'Connor the author of Bitch Posse and had lunch. Jersy Boys was incredible. And I discovered that going to art museums can trigger masses of creativity. Try it sometime.
So does walking up long steep hills. When your vision fades and things go a bit black -it's almost like a hallucination caused by extreme exhaustion.
It can mimic brainstorms...
oh yeah...
and it's cold.
Very.
Very.
Cold.

IT'S NOT NICE TO FOOL MOTHER NATURE

One minute ORION was bobbing softly to the normal trades and the next the wind gusted over 35 knots.
Touloose and I slept through it.
Gordon woke up and put a few more lines on.

The next morning trees and telephone poles were pick up sticks, roads were flooded, Airborne and Baby Horse's wooden tack shed blew over.
It wasn't the howling wind the next day.
Or the debris in the harbor. The raging surf.
That made me break out into a cold sweat.
It was:
NO.
INTERNET.
ACCESS.
Could not blog. Could not surf net and google myself. I actually had to write.
Bummer.
So on another note: I will be leaving tomorrow for SAN FRANCISCO (can't say that city without hearing the Village People).
Going to do some stock signing. Eat some great sourdough bread. See JERSEY BOYS.
"SHARRRREEEEE SHARRREEEEE BAAABBEEEEE!"
Oh yeah.
Touloose is in charge while we are gone.
I just don't remember ordering a Keg but he said I did...

WASHINGTON POST BOOK WORLD BEST OF 2007

EVER ALERT BLOGGERS SENT ME THIS LINK.
WASHINGTON POST BOOK WORLD HOLIDAY ISSUE GUESS WHAT SHE FOUND IN THEIR CHOICES FOR BEST FICTION 2007?
LOTTERY.
HOW COOL IS THAT?
Perry would be so proud...

TOULOOSE ON THE LOOSE

How did you button your jacket with no opposable thumbs TOULOOSE?

A BRAND NEW CONTEST AND THE BEST LITTLE OLD BOOKCLUB IN KOOLINA MARINA

SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS
THIS CONTEST IS FOR BOB THE BETA READER. You see he really wants to re read this thriller but he can't remember the author or the title (no surprise there) - he barely remembers the plot but this is what he thinks it's about:
AND I QUOTE BETA BOB HERE:

"The one where a guy comes upon a car wreck, and rescues a damsel in distress, and almost goes to bed with her, but later finds out she is his long lost daughter, and then he and his daughter try to foil a plot by an evil villan who has created a killer hurricane that will wipe out the entire East Coast of the US unless the government drops a nuclear bomb in the exact eye of the hurricane to rip it apart, which would be a happy ending except that our hero and his daughter are in a mini-sub in the eye of the hurricane as the bomb is just about to be dropped, but are saved by a nearby US Submarine which hovers over them to protect them from the effects of the blast.
No kidding, this is a true story, or at least a real fictional story that I barely remember reading.
Aloha,
Wandering Star Bob."
Gee...You can't MAKE this stuff up.
OKAY BOYS AND GIRLS. THE FIRST BLOGGER THAT POSTS THE CORRECT TITLE AND AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK WINS AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF LOTTERY... I take care of my betas...
What beta BoB wants...Beta Bob gets...

A BOOK CLUB WHERE PATRICIA ACTUALLY GOT FED

The meeting to discuss LOTTERY was held on Vickie's boat - Not too shabby.





The company was way too fun and the discussion lively. They all volunteered to be the beta reader book club for book number two. I promised to put all their names in my book - They want to help me defend my title of being the Putnam author with the longest acknowledgment pages
EVER.
MWA HA HA....MORE BETA READERS.... MORE I TELL YOU!!! MORE!!!
I am STILL not satisfied...
Anyway I was blown away by the questions and they read some of their favorite parts in LOTTERY.
My head now is unable to fit through the companionway door so I'm sleeping in the cockpit tonight...
Good night.
And Aloha.
PS (Don't forget to enter the contest.)

ODE TO BOB THE BETA READER

Female Frogfish hide in plain site.
Kind of like beta readers.

8:30 pm and 76 degrees.
No tradewinds tonight. Christmas lights are up. Starboard is green. Port is red. Aft is white.
The draft of my first novel was written over one summer. I was still teaching high school. I thought it was pretty good but yanno...I was biased. I needed a beta reader.
The great thing about living in a harbor among cruisers is that everyone reads and boat people are notoriously cheap. Ergo if you say you are a writer there are beta readers lining up outside your boat. My neighbor Bob (Wandering Star 45 ft Irwin sloop center cockpit) has read everything I've written and sometimes more than once - you see Bob is the perfect beta reader. He has a very short memory. In fact I'm probably lucky he remembers my name. He frequents a used book store and sells back his books. He's been known to turn books in, stay so long browsing that he actually buys back one of his own books turned in that day - forgetting he already read it.
I am NOT making this up.
The PERFECT beta reader.
I have various beta readers known only by pseudonyms.
The comma queen.
Grammar Police Brigade (several of these).
Plot Hole Finder (which is not the same as a Plot Hole FILLER who is quite invaluable).
Anyway. My point it my beta readers - who are named in the acknowledgments pages in the back of LOTTERY - play a huge role in helping me perfect my novels.
They are anxiously waiting my next one.
In fact.
That's either one hugely monstrous frog fish outside my boat or...
they're lining up now.

PATRICIA'S BIG OUWEE (ALSO KNOWN AS A BOOBOO)

WHAT DO OUWEES AND BOOBOOS HAVE TO DO WITH WRITING...READ ON AND FIND OUT
I have a boo boo on my leg. I noticed it two weeks ago and it didn't go away. Now keep in mind us writers have an exceedingly active imagination. All it took was an article in the paper about ginormous flesh eating bacteria (dogs and cats have dissappeared out of yards... people are missing)...Well, you get the picture.
And speaking of pictures...
(Bandaid covers afore mentioned BOOBOO slash OUWEE hearafter to be referred to as:BSO) ((I had to include scenery with BSO)) (((Scenery = palm trees, water, and other boats)))
So Monday morning I decided to go to the acute care facility and show them my BSO and see what they thought.
Keep in mind After an entire weekend of thinking about this I was convinced my leg would be operated on and I would lose it through some obscure medicinal oversight and be given a peg leg, which held some attraction for me--after all-- I DO live on a boat.
(I hear you yelling PATRICIA GET TO THE POINT!!!WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH WRITING!!!!!!)I'm getting there.
NURSE= "I have some questions."
ME="Okay"
*reluctantly puts sudoku puzzle book away*
NURSE="What do you do."
ME= "Write"
NURSE="No, what do you DO. For a job"
ME= proudly "That's what I do I'm a writer."
NURSE ="No, Really."
ME = even more proudly "I write novels."
NURSE="But I need to know what you do for a REAL job."
ME="That's what I do. I write books."
*pulls out business card and hands to nurse*"I'm an author."
NURSE="You mean like Nicholas Sparks?"
ME=*getting shorter and less proud* "Um, well, yeah"
NURSE="How come I never heard of you?"
ME=*really tiny and not at all proud*"Well, I'm new..."
NURSE="Have I read anything you've written?"
ME= "I don't know. Have you read my book LOTTERY?" *points to cover of book on card*
NURSE= "Oh no, I'm not a reader..."

GEARING UP FOR THANKSGIVING

MY SWEDISH COVER

And you can order the Swedish version HERE
Doesn't it look like Perry's exuberance and joy.
I think it's lovely.
What do you think?
I believe a close translation of the title would be "fortunate lottery winner" but that's as close as I can come. I welcome all comers to help me out. Babelfish is not my friend...

CONTEST CONTEST CONTEST
If you live in the Netherlands you can enter a contest to win a vacation!! Tell what you would do with 12 million dollars? Well? What would YOU do?

As we approach Thanksgiving I'm reminded of where I was last year at this time. My final tweaked manuscript was turned over to my agent and she planned on submitting to editors the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. I readied myself for a long wait.
Today?
Well I have a stack of books with my name on them that I carry around in my car.
Touloose has been playing nurse.
I had a brief touch of the flu while I was letting my current project sit (funny how that happens)tomorrow I will get back to work.
I think I got sympathy flu from Holly...
A big thanks to fuzzysound for letting me know his autographed copy of LOTTERY arrived safe and sound - he won Church Lady's contest last weekend.
AND I will be in San Francisco from December 6 through the 10th. Any of you SF bloggers who want books signed let me know! I'll be signing some stock at Barnes and Noble and Borders - email me if you want to hook up. Remember Christmas is coming! (How can we forget!)
So aloha and someone help me translate!!

FIFTY WAYS TO DO YOUR RESEARCH

Bright and early I get to work. Revising my crappy first draft.

9pm and 78 degrees.
Research. Everybody's got to do it. I do it concurrently while I'm writing. Below is a photograph of some things I gathered for my next novel.

Although fiction is, well, fiction, it's a priority for me to make sure I know what I'm talking about.
Thank GOODNESS I don't write science fiction or fantasy or I'd be in trouble. I'd have a hard time putting in time on Mars.
So I have enlisted KIMBER AN 's help for those places I haven't been to. (Kimber An's response is MWA HA HA)
The important thing about research is to have dependable help. I put Touloose in charge of reading Edith Hamilton and Thomas Bulfinch. So Touloose. What have you found? Touloose? Touloose? TOULOOSE!!!!!

POSITION AVAILABLE:
Research position working for author. Must be willing to stay awake while reading.
While ability to purr is preferable it is not required.
Dogs need not apply.

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU I'M NOT...

JUST SITTING AROUND EATING BON BONS ER... PINEAPPLE

This is a photo of the Manoa Valley Church Bookclub and um...the rest of you book clubbers take note - they actually FED me!! Good stuff too.
And now an advertisement for TODDIE DOWNS AND HER BLOG who I went out eat with after the Everett Library Gig with ANTIWIFE.
Toddie asked me for an interview so I said yes and...well...here it is.
And now back to work. Turning off phone. Setting email to stun. Locking muses in forward cabin.
Ready.
Set.
Back to writing.

AUTHOR'S WEEKEND ON THE CHURCH LADY'S BLOG

THE CHURCH LADY is having an author's weekend with ME (Patricia Wood and LOTTERY) on Saturday and JOHN ROBISON (LOOK ME IN THE EYE) on Sunday.
Be there or be square...

LOST IN TRANSLATION OR IF IT'S WEDNESDAY THIS MUST BE THE NETHERLANDS

THE TRAIN BOSS!THE TRAIN!
Welcome to Fantasy Island...

This month the Dutch version of Lottery is released.
GORGEOUS!!!


It was SOOO exciting.; I got my VERY FIRST EVER FOREIGN REVIEW and I couldn't read a word of it.
It was in Dutch.
Did that stop me?
No. Not at all.
I pasted the text into a free translation program online.
THIS WAS ADAM'S IDEA (and you know who you are!)
Simple right?
Er...
Maybe not.
Here's what I got:

Perry B. Crandall are a bofkont. At least, that is true B. in its name for state according to its granny and actual Perry that themselves find also. He is not mentally handicapped such as others frequently think, because are IQ are 76 and that is still above the border of 75 and therefore is he not mentally handicapped. He is ordinary what slow. A simple description of a captivating personage from the intriguing debuutroman of Patricia Wood.


Ly, but not insipid moving, funnily and sober is the words which are appropriate at this book. Patricia Wood wrote from simple but certainly not insipid view of a slow boy, who is only busy with happy is with what he has. The remaining personages remain because of this what superficial, but this is not annoying. Perry's experience and how he stipulated matter take its enough to continue captivate you the complete book. Its simple look on things works clarifying and logically. It makes the book not too heavy, in spite of the nevertheless violent things that he to process gets. What, however, is notable, is that it seems be here and there written with a film in the down-stream cutwater, especially the last chapters have this strong by the speed which sits there then all of a sudden in. Some what slightly disturbs in this book are haste identical ends of each chapter, but this can become remedied by simply continuing read to you this splendid book from has.

I can't even read this without peeing my pants I'm laughing so hard.
By the way the reviewer gave me 4 stars.
I SERIOUSLY need to learn another language.
Any of you know Dutch?

I thank you most happy with but are got grateful me.
aloha aloha much

IS SHE OR ISN'T SHE? ONLY A STALKER KNOWS FOR SURE...

OK blogging buddies. Help me out. A very nice man sent me a very nice email. He's reading LOTTERY. I made him cry. Can you help him feel better by saying ALOHA HERE and reading his blog and commenting???
That's me.
The FULL SERVICE author.
I knew you wouldn't let me down...

FUTURE HOME OF THE HADAR WRITER'S RETREAT

Flash flood warnings and rain rain rain...but have I got a deal for you...
Friends of mine are building a "mobius" house.


It should be habitable in a year. High in the mountains on the North shore of Oahu it will be an artist's haven. A place a novelist or painter can go to find time, space and quiet to finish their project. Oh yeah, and my friends will be living there.
My name is already down on their list...
There's something about real life which gets in the way of writing that wildly successful tome.
There's laundry to do. Meals to fix. Cats to play with...
Not to mention the thirty new leaks to repair in the deck after a deluge of rain.
And on another note...
I've been asked about my next book. My lips are zipped shut but maybe just maybe a small tantalizing morsal tossed out to those who want a hint about my next novel...
Here's clue number one:

For all the rest of you who have asked about how I write or want to know how I keep all my plots straight while I write?
Here:


And then there's the rest of you who have no interest at all in anything except for the continuing adventures of Touloose the wonder cat...
Touloose is penning his memoir. He's describing his travels in Paris...in Africa...The celebrities he's met in rehab...
I tried to explain to him that a memoir has to be true...
But he's having none of it.
"It's true because I say so", he says and goes into "cute cat" mode.