Tuesday, November 20, 2007

PATRICIA'S BIG OUWEE (ALSO KNOWN AS A BOOBOO)

WHAT DO OUWEES AND BOOBOOS HAVE TO DO WITH WRITING...READ ON AND FIND OUT
I have a boo boo on my leg. I noticed it two weeks ago and it didn't go away. Now keep in mind us writers have an exceedingly active imagination. All it took was an article in the paper about ginormous flesh eating bacteria (dogs and cats have dissappeared out of yards... people are missing)...Well, you get the picture.
And speaking of pictures...
(Bandaid covers afore mentioned BOOBOO slash OUWEE hearafter to be referred to as:BSO) ((I had to include scenery with BSO)) (((Scenery = palm trees, water, and other boats)))
So Monday morning I decided to go to the acute care facility and show them my BSO and see what they thought.
Keep in mind After an entire weekend of thinking about this I was convinced my leg would be operated on and I would lose it through some obscure medicinal oversight and be given a peg leg, which held some attraction for me--after all-- I DO live on a boat.
(I hear you yelling PATRICIA GET TO THE POINT!!!WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH WRITING!!!!!!)I'm getting there.
NURSE= "I have some questions."
ME="Okay"
*reluctantly puts sudoku puzzle book away*
NURSE="What do you do."
ME= "Write"
NURSE="No, what do you DO. For a job"
ME= proudly "That's what I do I'm a writer."
NURSE ="No, Really."
ME = even more proudly "I write novels."
NURSE="But I need to know what you do for a REAL job."
ME="That's what I do. I write books."
*pulls out business card and hands to nurse*"I'm an author."
NURSE="You mean like Nicholas Sparks?"
ME=*getting shorter and less proud* "Um, well, yeah"
NURSE="How come I never heard of you?"
ME=*really tiny and not at all proud*"Well, I'm new..."
NURSE="Have I read anything you've written?"
ME= "I don't know. Have you read my book LOTTERY?" *points to cover of book on card*
NURSE= "Oh no, I'm not a reader..."

29 comments:

Holly Kennedy said...

Glad to hear it wasn't flesh eating disease or something like that. Hope you're better soon.

Lynilu said...

LOL! You're apparently not a "real" writer or she would have heard of you like she had Sparks!! I just listened to his "Dear John" on CD while driving recently.

Is your book out of CD? I love to "read" while I travel, so I think I'll watch for it. OK, Maybe I'll even read the real thing, don't whine!! Perhaps you should consider giving the nurse a CD copy since she doesn't read! Or would she then think you just dictate books, not write them? LOL!!

Stephen Parrish said...

A peg leg would give your last name a whole new meaning.

ORION said...

Yep the audio is out - the reader is Paul Michael and he's great- we got a terrific review in PW re the Audio- You can order or buy it anywhere...

Steve HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
I have coffee ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD NOW!!!

Danette Haworth said...

Michelangelo was a good drawer.

Kim Stagliano said...

And how is Nurse Ratchett??? EESH! Take care of the ouwee. No funny.

Chumplet said...

A wooden drawer? I laughed, too, Stephen!

All you have to do, Pat, is ride on the local Santa Claus parade float and imagine everyone's waving at you because, well... you're an author.

Last weekend, I did exactly that. Once I stood up and shouted, "Sandra Cormier, Famous Author!"

The Paparazzi did not swarm me, alas.

Kim said...

Don't you just love that? Apparently only King, Roberts, and Sparks are writers. What are the rest of us, then??? (BTW, I've never read anything by Nicholas Sparks, so meh to the nurse).

Anyhoo - imagine what a peg leg would add to the next conversation like that! ;)

Gay said...

Steve is TOO funny.

Hope you gave the nurse a big BOOBOO, and it leaves a scar, so when the movie hits the big screen and some big name, like Tom Hanks but younger, wins an Oscar for playing Perry, she'll point to it and say, "I met the author." She'll look proud on the outside, while inside, she'll cringe with embarrassment, because she'll remember. Oh, yes. She'll remember.

Heidi the Hick said...

GAh!!! A real job! You don't know how many times I've wanted to say, all snarky like, "Well how many novels have YOU written" but seeing as how none of mine are real books...I haven't got a leg to stand on...sorry...

Sarah Miller said...

I hope you'll forgive me for snorting and laughing.

Someday, you may get a letter from a lady named Ruth Burns that will make this all fade away.... ;)

Church Lady said...

Oh, sorry, but that was hysterical! LOL! :-)

In our house, what you have is a 'weenie-boo.'

Melissa Marsh said...

LOL!!!!

Therese said...

What is it with the Nick Sparks business? I thought I got it all the time because here in NC (where he also lives) he's a local celeb.

When people ask "Like Nicholas Sparks?" I now just say "Yes!"

Who cares about distinctions? Long as they buy the book, it's all good. :)

furry sound said...

Nice drumstick, but with the horizon at that angle I got seasick because I looked too long.

Katrina Stonoff said...

I would like to point out to Holly Kennedy that you did NOT, in fact, say it wasn't flesh-eating bacteria, Patricia. So I'm still worried.

Of course, that's what I do best. Worry. We got a note from the school last week say MERSA was found in a neighboring district, so now I'm certain every little scratch is the beginning of the end.

Oh, yeah, and it was OBVIOUS Nurse Ratchettt was not a reader because the moment you said "writer," she didn't say, "OMG! Are you THE Patricia Wood? The one who wrote that great bestseller about the boy who wins the lottery! I am SO your biggest fan. Can I have your autograph?"

We would have known she was a reader then.

Wendy Roberts said...

Hugs on the owie. My imagination recently gave me an ulcer but turns out it was only boring heartburn *g*

Stephen, you cracked me up!

Maprilynne said...

Yeah, Pat, get a real job. You know, one that pays money . . .oh wait . . .;)

Ric said...

That is a really funny story.

re: Nick Sparks
Someone asked me if my stuff was like his and I said, "Yes, but with better sex."

One should think twice about exchanging leg for a scratching post for Toulouse.

ORION said...

Oh everyone has such GOOD comments...a scratching post for Touloose...VERY good!!
I have decided to enhance my reclusive persona...a la Salinger...
My DRUMSTICK, Furry??? HA HA HA HA HA HA...
(I got a GREAT visual of a leg covered in fuzz...)

Must go now and fix turkey for Touloose...

The Anti-Wife said...

Put some medicine and a much prettier bandaid on the BOS - maybe even a Silly Kitty one to make Touloose jealous, then eat a wonderful meal. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sustenance Scout said...

Good advice all around, Patricia! What inspired visitors you have on this blog, lol! Hope you and yours had a thoroughly enjoyable Thanksgiving! K.

Wayne said...

I asked my son, the other day, if he'd seen my pen.
"Is it that one with the Lufthansa logo on the clip?" he said.
I said, "Yes."
He said, "No, sorry, haven't seen it."

Hope your thingymabob gets better.

david santos said...

Nice photo and good text, thank you

Kimber An said...

Oh, that was great for a chuckle! Hope your boo-boo goes away.

Polly Kahl said...

So what was wrong with it, that it wasn't healing?
Around here, we find that Sponge Bob Square Pants bandaids have especially good healing powers.

Sustenance Scout said...

It's Hello Kitty or Strawberry Shortcake around here. :)

writtenwyrdd said...

LOL for that conversation.

John Elder Robison said...

You know, my father got that flesh eating bacteria and his leg turned bright red and swelled up, and then he turned bright red right up to the middle of his groin. He needed IV antibiotics.

Nasty stuff.

And he died a year later, when his liver quit working, after being hammered by the antibiotics for all the other stuff like the bacteria