MY BOAT'S BIGGER THAN YOUR BOAT...

Or can you say "Big Boat" three times fast?
The week end's blog is about...Competition...

82 degrees and 8:20 am.
No matter what you do you can't get away from it. This boat is either:
1. Big
2. Damn Big
3. Too Damn Big
There is a bit of a competition between boat owners. ORION is actually 48 ft BUT she's in a 50 foot slip and -- with all the crap hanging off her aft -- is probably closer to 52 feet. I often say she's 50 feet. This is not a lie*
*SOURCE: LENGTH OF FISH CAUGHT BY FISHERMAN
I say 50 not because I am LYING*
*SOURCE: SEE WEIGHT OF FISH BY FISHERMAN
But because I am rounding up. Rounding up is perfectly okay. Rounding up is when you tell your husband you just bought a pair of Jimmy Choo's for $300 when the price was actually $399 before tax...um... er...I guess that would be rounding down but you get what I mean...
Big boats are considered an advantage when you are talking with other boat owners and the question is:
"How big is she?"*
*(NOTE TO HUSBAND:They are NOT talking about your wife here...)
The proper response is to look at their boat -- guesstimate the length -- and add a foot -- making your's bigger.
"Mine's 40."
"MINE'S 41"
"Oops I made a mistake mine's really 42."
"Well I made mistake too, mine's 43."
"44!"
"45!!"
"46!!!"
At this point the dogs come out with hoses to separate their owners.

There are actually times, though, when it's not an advantage to having a bigger boat: When you are varnishing the rail and polishing stainless or buying something at West Marine. Those times you subtract a foot or five or ten...

What can we writers learn from this? Probably nothing. Nothing at all. Authors are not competitive. Not one.
Never.

*uncrosses fingers*

DO BLOGS SELL BOOKS AND OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT LIFE AND SPIRITUALITY...

Yes. This too is Hawaii. I think it kind of looks like Africa...or the way I think Africa would look if I actually had gone there...

This part is subtitled the "MYSPACE-FACEBOOK-LIBRARYTHING-GOODREADS-MESSAGEBOARDONABSOLUTEWRITE-BACKSPACE-REDROOM-PR -O'RAMA...
There have been numerous online discussions by writers/authors about whether online efforts sell books.
Does blogging sell books. Interesting. You see I never actually considered this in depth.
Does blogging sell books? Hmmm...Let me list some of the things I know blogging does and then maybe I can answer that question.
Blogging delays the inevitable.
It delays doing laundry.
It delays having to pay the bills.
It delays feeding the cats and fixing dinner.
It is the ultimate procrastination tool and as such must not be misused.
Blogging keeps my cousins in Norway apprised of my every move (Godt dag cousins in Norway!)
Blogging lets my book clubs get to know me before I talk with them.
Blogging lets my Dad know I'm working hard (Hi Dad!).
Blogging lets my husband know I WON'T be doing the stainless today and he can just forget about me cleaning out the cockpit.
Blogging lets my editors know that I'm writing - although not on the particular manuscript they are interested in.
Blogging lets my agent know my computer is right there in front of me - although if truth be told it's hard to pry my computer out of my hot sweaty hands at any time of the day.
Blogging is my celebration. It's my way of venting. It's my connection with the world as I pursue the solitary pleasures of writing the next story.
So I never considered that it would sell another copy of 'Lottery'. I considered it a way of connecting with people I might never have had the opportunity to meet.
I made the assumption that it's interesting to find out about an author - to have a virtual meeting via blogger...
But is it? Do readers care?
Or is it something else entirely. Am I missing the whole point of blogging?
I ask you blog readers now. Have you bought a book because of a blog? Have you been exposed to a book you might not have found out about?
Lurkers here's your chance- use the anonymous function on comment - just give yourself a city so we can tell you apart- What do you think?
To all my friends out there in the cyberspere?
This blog's for you...

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: THE BOOK CLUB

This was hysterical.
I had this book club scheduled in Hawaii Kai. The hostess told me she had a surprise for me.
She sure did.
Turns out she went to school with none other than Fran Rubel Kuzui the director of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER movie...so she emailed Fran and had her write a message to me.
I nearly peed my pants...



To quote my character in LOTTERY?
THIS WAS SO TOTALLY COOL!
So now I've done book clubs on boats, in community centers, in houses, on ichat, on skype, with video, on speaker phone, at a hotel, outside on the patio, online...
What's next?
Give me some ideas...

SAYING YES

I read an interesting article in a magazine this month about saying yes to opportunities.
It got me thinking how often I decline invitations just because it's inconvenient or pushes me out of my comfort zone, so when I had an opportunity to hitch a ride from KoOlina (Oahu) to Nauwiliwili Harbor (Kauai) on a 38ft catamaran I said yes.
We left at 5:30 am. It was still dark.
We watched the sun rise behind us.

Threw up the spinnaker. The trip took 13 hours. It takes me a bit to get my sea legs on a longer sail -- it's a challenge and can be quite demanding.
Of course this photo is a fake. We were on autopilot most of the way but I did get to man the helm and point into the wind when we had to take the main sail down when the shackle on the clew broke. That was exciting...

When we approached Kauai, it was cloudy and the sun was setting.
I was dropped off at the fuel dock, met a friend for dinner in Lihue and made my way to the airport to fly back to Honolulu. When I finally got back to ORION it was well after 11 pm.
It was exhausting, exhilarating,disconcerting, nerve wracking and yet I'm so glad I didn't say No. I think that's a positive characteristic for a writer. You have to be able to take risks and say yes. You need to experience things so you can write about them. You have to spend the same amount of time actually living life that you do sitting in front of the keyboard giving characters life. At least that's my opinion. What do you think?

OUTSTANDING IN HER FIELD...OR HOW TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY

It was only a matter of time...

"You are hearby summoned...for...JURY DUTY!!! Ta DA!!!
Okay I admit it... my husband was telling me to do my civic duty, but my first thought was, "how can I get out of this?"
You see I would be the WORLD'S WORST JURIST. I know this. I'm a novelist. I'm not what lawyers have in mind when they say "an impartial group of your peers."
So I came up with a list:

WHY NOVELISTS MAKE THE WORST JURISTS

1. They recognize purple prose and hyperbole...("he is an upstanding, good, honest, incorruptible citizen." (Only ONE (1) adjective allowed)

2. They have an overactive imagination... (So what if he was in Texas and the murder was in Japan -- it could happen with his own personal speed-of-light learjet and custom laser weapon of doom.)

3. They don't go with this "presumed innocent" stuff... (HE looks guilty, his WIFE looks guilty - even his DOG looks guilty...in fact he looks exactly like one of the characters in my last novel and He DEFINITELY was guilty.)

4. They get distracted easily. (What a GREAT name for a character...I'm writing that down. Wait! What did the judge say? That sounded cool.Oh! The gavel! That made me jump. I wonder when lunch is?)

I'm sure there are LOTS of other reasons. I need to build my case. Give me a hand bloggers. Can you think of any more?

IT'S NOT NICE TO FOOL MOTHER NATURE...

So I'm told the hurricane passed by 400 miles on the other side of the Big Island and ran out of steam...

This is what happens when you have all the weather up in the sky at the same time.
10:30 pm and 85 degrees (75 degrees in ORION'S comfortable air conditioning)
Friends arrived from New Zealand by way of Tahiti on Sunday.
Here's their catamaran. Caprice.
They are leaving for Kauai on Friday and then on to Sitka, Alaska. They asked if I wanted to crew to Nawiliwili and I said........YES!!!!
I'll have to hop a flight back to Oahu but it's worth it. Passages are the best. There's something about being out in the middle of the ocean out of sight of land to make you feel small and inconsequential. I think that's why I like to include sailing in my novels. It creates authenticity and I'm a big one for authenticity.
And now...Time out for baby fish. It's that time of year.
They are SO cute!
Touloose is figuring out how to get him some of those babyfish. He's scheming and plotting. He's planning. Conniving.
I haven't broken the news to him that he'd have to get wet.
He'll find that out soon enough.
The only problem is he needs a new PFD. He's grown out of his old one. It's a DOG size!!!! He doesn't know that either. I don't want to embarrass him.
The babyfish are safe until he figures out how to handle the net without those nifty opposable thumbs...

GETTING A 'TURTORIAL'

NOTE: THIS JUST IN. My friend RAY says nobody reads his blog. Prove him wrong!!! Oh and he wrote a really cool book THE PACIFIC BETWEEN.
And hey did you know he was in an episode of SEX and the CITY???????!!!!!!!

"Finding Novel Ideas" or "The Attention Deficit Disorder Author."
1:30 pm 86 degrees and NO tradewinds.
The author is hard at work writing and revising...writing and revising...
Book ideas are everywhere.
I hear a scrape...scrape...scrape...
"Who's out there?" I holler.
I go out to investigate. It's one of many harbor turtles on a leisurely bi-monthly grazing of the dock. I watched him for a bit because it's important to procrastinate at every available opportunity when creating the next Great American Novel. This one does it differently than the others. The others speed by going for only the large pieces of sea lettuce. They cover more area. This one goes s-l-o-w-l-y. Getting every little bit. He seems to prefer variety. Or does he? Is it turtlely appetite or is he a spy. Lurking. Just waiting for - well - for me to betray myself. He could be a spy. He could. Like those sneaky little dolphins for the Navy.
I go back inside and decide to write about turtle spies. But spies are old. No one cares about spies anymore. I chew my pencil and think. But turtle VAMPIRES now there's something. A turtle vampire would be really cool. Leaping out of the water. So much for being scared of sharks. But what about the people element. Well romance is always big. I would have to have a handsome turtle vampire slayer...is that too close to Buffy? I re-think. Get distracted. Touloose hurls a hairball at my feet.
Gee thanks.
Cats.
Now we're talking. It occurs to me turtles have no teeth and cats have plenty. Cat Vampires. It's just hard. I mean how do you tell them apart. Touloose is always taking a chunk of flesh out of some part of me. I guess you'd have to wait to see how long it takes for you to turn into a vampire...
That would take research.
Lots and lots of research.
I'd probably have to watch all seven seasons of Buffy The Vampire Slayer all over again.
I'd better get started...

AND THE WINNERS ARE...

85 degrees 9:30 pm
I found an even better photograph of the victorious contestants. They were so happy they literally flew away...



DAWN ANON was the first who guessed that the bathtub was compellingly iresistable and JAY was so beautifully poetic about my appreciation for the wonderful people of Portland.
They have been instructed to email me at patricia@patriciawoodauthor.com
And you all have to know when it comes to rules of my contests -- I follow the canons of the HEADLESS AUTHOR...
Now I know there will be cries of outrage.
There will be grumbling that the judging was not fair. That I was biased. That the rules were not followed.
If you have a complaint about my contest then talk to this AGENT and while you're at it send him your screenplay query or a proposal for your book of poetry. I hear he handles both now...
I'm still having a great time hearing what everyone likes authors to talk about.
So far I've got:
1. Minute details of every surgical procedure they've experienced.
2. Who they think should be the next American Idol and why.
3. Examination of the complex thematic elements found in the design of their cover art and how it relates to western mores and cultural variences.
4. Rocket science.
Well.
Maybe not that last one.
So what DON'T you like authors to talk about?

THE PROCESS OR THE PLOT? WHAT'S AN AUTHOR TO DO?

IT'S FIFTY-TWO DEGREES IN SEATTLE!!!!!!
They say it's supposed to be 80 by this weekend but I will already be back to Hawaii.
That is SO not fair.

Third Place books is such an awesome venue. We had lots of good conversation lots of participants and yummy goodies from Honey Bear Bakery. A great time was had by all.
And I got to connect again with waaaaaay cool book clubs. This one is from Everett.
Such fun...

It's interesting.
There's always such a dilemma when you do readings and talks - do you talk about the book? The characters? The plot?
Or do you talk about the process of publication and writing?
What to do?
I usually let the audience ask questions and try to gauge what the people want, but sometimes it's hard to tell. Most of the time those attending are readers. They aren't writers, but that doesn't mean they aren't interested in what it takes to put a book on the shelf.
Some of the questions are asked over and over.
How did you come up with the idea?
What inspires you to write?
Who do you want to play Perry in the movie...
Other times someone asks about literary strategies I used or what kind of books I like to read or authors I enjoy.
I wonder what the consensus will be. So bloggers...How about it. When you're at a reading and signing what do YOU like the author to talk about?
Inquiring authors want to know.
Hey.
Maybe this can be ANOTHER contest.
The previous one is STILL going on. TWO autographed trade paper backs of LOTTERY will be mailed out. I will judge it when I wake up and have coffee on Friday. Results will be announced on Monday.
Go Forth.
Now.
Comment.

OH OYSTERS COME AND WALK WITH ME...BUT ANSWER CAME THERE NONE.

Too late o'clock and Too cold farenheit... So...
What was the most remarkably wonderful thing about Portland?
Was it the delectable and tasty fruit of the mer?

Was it the seductively soft slumbering scenario?

How about the scintillating and thought provoking well placed piece of art around every corner?

Was it an eager audience at Annie Bloom's Books?

Or Maybe....it might have been where the Heathman Hotel placed a signed copy of LOTTERY amongst other signed copies of books from other well-fed and well-housed novelists who stayed at the Heathman Hotel...
Or maybe...just maybe...

IT IS THE FACT THAT THERE WAS A REAL LIVE HONEST TO GOODNESS BATHTUB IN MY ROOM?????
Which will it be gentle readers?
You pick.
The first person with the correct guess for the right reason WINS AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF THE TRADE PAPERBACK OF LOTTERY who happens to be at the #2 position on the Northwest's Trade Paperback Fiction Bestseller List in the Seattle Times.
Bloggers start your engines...

WHAT MAKES YOUR BOAT FLOAT AND OTHER TALES FROM THE SEA...

Friday as in TGIF -- not to be confused with the restaurant. 7 am. 82 degrees.
This story is dedicated to the-sailboat-who-shall-remain-nameless.
So peaceful in her Sears Easy Living Exterior House (amateur) Paint job...


I'm often asked about writer's block and what I find to write about and if I ever run out of things to write about.
No, I tell them. Never. And there's a good reason why.
I live in a marina and people, (stupid people) are attracted to boats and marinas, so no, I never run out of things to write about. Take the lovely example above. There's a story there. When we first moved to the harbor this gracious vessel was white with teal trim and absolutely bristol. Well maintained. Sparkling. Then she was sold to a man with a dream.
He decided to sail her across the Pacific even though he had never made the trip before. He felt sure he could do it with crew so he co-opted his non-sailing daughter and son both in their 20's (I call them stupid 1 and stupid 2). They were moored next to us. Flew in one morining. Made a trip to Costco and were gone that afternoon.
You might be thinking that this was a bit preemptive. No checking out of gear? No getting familiar with the craft? No learning how to sail? Oh and did I mention this was a wooden boat?
Days passed.
More days.
Two weeks later a boat is spotted on the horizon. The marina tender motors out. It's the same sailboat.

500 miles out they started taking in water. The bilge failed. The back up failed and then the engine failed. No power. No solar panels, batteries couldn't be charged. They were bailing by hand.
Out of drinking water and with little wind they barely made it back.
THE REST OF THE STORY...
Quite an exciting adventure. One for the dinner party circuit.
We chatted with the man-with-a-dream when he got back. Actually he sought US out.
"Did you see anyone messing around with my boat before I left?" he asked and stared at us pointedly...
"No," we answered.
"Well," he said, "The reason the engine quit was because we ran out of diesel. When I bought the boat a year ago the owner said the tank was nearly full so I just think someone must have stolen our fuel." he stared at us again. "And someone did the same damn thing to our water tanks, too. You just can't trust anyone in a marina!"

Nope. That's true. You sure can't.

FINDING A COMMON THREAD

NOTE!!!!!NEW BLOG THAT IS WAAAAAAAY COOL...BOOKROAST
Check it out.
Okay. Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

WARNING: The following is intended for mature audiences...

Nearly 6 am and I have three hours before I have to be at Leeward Community College to give a lecture (talk story).
I love living in Hawaii. I think you can get that. But what I REALLY love is when other authors come visit and I can mind meld with them. The very wonderful and very talented ANITA AMIRREZVANI (she was on the 2008 Orange Prize long list) author of THE BLOOD OF FLOWERS came into town for a little R & R.
I immediately corrupted her.

Afternoon Mojitos and an indepth discussion of writing.
THING WE HAVE IN COMMON:
1. We never expected any of the wonderful things that have happened to us this year- They all came as a complete surprise -- we just wanted to write a great story.
2. Mojitos in the afternoon are the best.
3. It's REALLY hard to concentrate on the next book when the first one won't let us go. It's like a kid that has graduated from college but won't get a job or pay room and board and you don't have the heart to kick him out into the cold cold world.
4. We LOVE LOVE LOVE book clubs.
5. It's REALLY hard to concentrate on that next book.
6. Sometime's a little R & R is a good thing. Leave your work and then come back to it.
7. Connecting with other authors is the best and we can compare notes on how we write. (Do YOU write the last chapter first? OHHH me TOO!!!! Do YOU second guess yourself and agonize??? OHHHH ME TOO!!!!)
8. We don't worry about whether we are commercial or literary...that's for other people to decide. We just like to tell a good story.
9. It's REALLY hard to concentrate on the next book?
10. Drinking with other authors is necessary for mental health and actually Mojitos at any time of the day are a good thing.
Any way we had good fun and I hope to reconnect again. So run right out and buy her book. It's VERY good.

(Did I tell you we agreed that it's really hard to concentrate and write the next book?)

WHAT DO GHOST CRABS HAVE TO DO WITH WRITING?

THIS JUST ADDED: USA TODAY CALLS ME CANADIAN LOL!!
82 degrees and 9:30 am.
Those of you in Portland Oregon can have the pleasure of my company at Annie Bloom's Books on June 24 at 7:00 pm. I'll be there early to chat and hopefully drink mass amounts of coffee.
I then hop on a plane the next morning and head out to Seattle where I will be at Third Place Books on June 25th at 7:00 pm. I will also be there early as HONEY BEAR BAKERY is right next door and...well...let's just say I won't be low carb that week.

It's time to hunker down like a giant ghost crab.

Ghost crabs can be as small as your little finger or as large as a small cat but they have one thing in common: They're shy.
Really shy, skitter around just out of your line of sight, and hide in holes. They're nearly translucent and make you think you're seeing things. Ergo the name "Ghost Crab." Clever right?
I need to take a page from their book so to speak and create my own little private cubby hole to hide.
No interruptions.
No worries.
Just right.
Patricia Wood Writer: Unplugged.
Oh and this last part is for "ric"
and all the others who requested a photo of Baker Street. The last of my London photos...

Cool huh?

BACK TO WHERE I STARTED

I loved Loved LOVED London, but it's good to be back home at 82 degrees and a rocking boat.

I'm only a tad jet lagged. That's not true. I'm a lot jet lagged. But I have a pile of mail to go through and cats to pacify.
My calendar is filling up again and I'll be off to Portland and Seattle for appearances at Annie Bloom's Books and Third Place Books June 24 and June 25 respectively. It's just a short trip. I have to pull back from the internet- it's sucking me in again- it's time to get back to revising and writing.
I did a bit in England. Filling in parts of other novels I've been working on and taking notes. Doing some research. Looking right when crossing the street...
It's back to looking left again.
To tightening lines and filling water tanks. To keeping the fans running and the cats fed.
And getting back to writing.

MORE FROM YOUR LONDON CORRESPONDENT...

I've been asked to talk a little bit more about the Orange Prize party and celebration so here goes...The stage was along the windows on one side of the festival ball room. It was PACKED with readers, reviewers, publishers, editors, literary agents, authors, publicists and husbands LOL...This is Gordon a true two fisted drinker and Emma my UK Publicist who honestly UBER ROCKS!
Each of the short listed books were on huge projected screens around the room.

All of us shortlisted authors were called up and presented with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers which I could not take home (Hawaii is very strict).I also was given a specially bound copy of LOTTERY inscribed with ORANGE BROADBAND PRIZE FOR FICTION 2008. The food and drink flowed. I ate a quail egg topped with caviar and rinsed the black off my teeth with champagne.
This is a photo of me and Kirsty Lang the judging chair. She was brilliantly nice and funny and a real fan of LOTTERY.

AND THEN???? It was time to take off those high heels and do some serious London research for one of my novels...
You never know what tiny fact creates authenticity in your novel. Check out where the door knob is.
First stop Regents Park.

It was huge. Ginormous to use one of Adrienne's expressions.

And what visit to England could be complete without a trip to the London Zoo. It was full of amazing and ferocious creatures...Komodo Dragons
Pygmy Hippos

The zoo even lists the attractions everywhere: Check out the last elusive and dangerous creature...

A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO ROSE TREMAINE 2008 ORANGE PRIZE WINNER

The Orange Party at the Royal Festival Hall.

It was such an amazing experience and one I'll never forget. Right now if I never see another pair of high heels it will be too soon. My feet are THAT sore...

My agent Dorian Karchmar and my UK editor Jason Arthur.
Everyone was thrilled that LOTTERY was short listed for the Orange Prize and when Rose Tremaine was announced as the winner for her novel THE ROAD HOME we knew hers was a well deserved win.
So it's a day off tomorrow, then packing and after that the long plane ride home.
Thank you ORANGE PRIZE COMMITTEE for a fabulous experience.
Much Aloha to you all.

LOTTERY PAPERBACK RELEASED TODAY ALONG WITH ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF PAT'S EXCELLENT LONDON ADVENTURE...

With the LOTTERY paperback released I thought I'd celebrate...
Okay so maybe I'm not the brightest bulb in the Christmas light string but going on the LONDON EYE seemed like a fun celebratory thing to do.

And then um...it went up...

And up...

It was at that point I remembered my fear of heights.
And then I noticed the sign on the door:

Believe me when I tell you it was the farthest thing from my mind...

We were feeling a little boat-sick so a cruise on the Thames was just what the doctor ordered.

THIS IS LONDON.
THAT'S A BRIDGE.
Any Questions?

And shouldn't it be London Bridges? With an "s"?
And of course no trip to London is complete without a photo of the Tower of London...

Or an order of fish and chips and peas...

And finally a trip to see William Morris Agency London offices with the extraordinary Cathryn S. my UK agent...She totally UBER ROCKS!

And just to let you know how TOTALLY William Morris UBER-UBER ROCKS they have four (4) FOUR authors on the Orange Shortlist (3 on the Fiction list and 1 on the new author list).
How cool is that?
I am not worthy...I am not worthy...I am not worthy...