Friday, July 25, 2008

MY BOAT'S BIGGER THAN YOUR BOAT...

Or can you say "Big Boat" three times fast?
The week end's blog is about...Competition...

82 degrees and 8:20 am.
No matter what you do you can't get away from it. This boat is either:
1. Big
2. Damn Big
3. Too Damn Big
There is a bit of a competition between boat owners. ORION is actually 48 ft BUT she's in a 50 foot slip and -- with all the crap hanging off her aft -- is probably closer to 52 feet. I often say she's 50 feet. This is not a lie*
*SOURCE: LENGTH OF FISH CAUGHT BY FISHERMAN
I say 50 not because I am LYING*
*SOURCE: SEE WEIGHT OF FISH BY FISHERMAN
But because I am rounding up. Rounding up is perfectly okay. Rounding up is when you tell your husband you just bought a pair of Jimmy Choo's for $300 when the price was actually $399 before tax...um... er...I guess that would be rounding down but you get what I mean...
Big boats are considered an advantage when you are talking with other boat owners and the question is:
"How big is she?"*
*(NOTE TO HUSBAND:They are NOT talking about your wife here...)
The proper response is to look at their boat -- guesstimate the length -- and add a foot -- making your's bigger.
"Mine's 40."
"MINE'S 41"
"Oops I made a mistake mine's really 42."
"Well I made mistake too, mine's 43."
"44!"
"45!!"
"46!!!"
At this point the dogs come out with hoses to separate their owners.

There are actually times, though, when it's not an advantage to having a bigger boat: When you are varnishing the rail and polishing stainless or buying something at West Marine. Those times you subtract a foot or five or ten...

What can we writers learn from this? Probably nothing. Nothing at all. Authors are not competitive. Not one.
Never.

*uncrosses fingers*

19 comments:

Joe Iriarte said...

Yeah? Well I'm even less competitive than you are!

Bookfool said...

I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this. I would have snorted it right out onto the keyboard.

Jay said...

Competition? What's that??

My RV is 51'! I am NOT lying.*

*see Pat's Fisherman's notes

ORION said...

Joe lol!!!

bookfool what? no mai tai?

Jay MY RV is a horse...make that TWO horses...

Merry Monteleone said...

Boat? You need a boat? I could swim that, no problem... :-)

laughingwolf said...

well crap, i USED to have a 17-foot canoe, does that count? :P lol

Anonymous said...

Mine's almost bigger than yours. Wandering Star is an Irwin 43. The 43 is taken from the length of the boat "on deck" which is the length of the boat without all those bits and pieces that hang off each end. When bigger is better, we can add the 3 feet of bow sprit in front and talk about an Irwin 46 just like the charter company that used to rent it out did. And of course the solar panels and dinghy hanging off the back add about another 5 feet. However, in addition to varnishing and polishing, there are other times when it is really important to be small, especially when it comes time to pay slip rent which could be measured in dollars per inch per day. When we visited Marina El Cid in Mexico we told the harbor master that our boat was an Irwin just like our friends who were there last year and could we have their old slip. Of course theirs was an Irwin 38 (before all those overhanging dohickys). Luckily no one made a big fuss about the 10 feet of boat that was sticking out past the end of the slip. When we got to Ko Olina marina and started discussing slip arrangements, I told them we have an Irwin 43. They said great we'll put you in a 44 foot slip, there won't be any over hang right?
Well um... maybe we'll need a little more room... So now were next to Orion and using every bit of the 50 foot slip. So nah nah my slip rent is just as big as your slip rent.

Whiskey Sierra Bravo

Joe Iriarte said...

So now we're next to Orion and . . .

Dude, you're a born storyteller! Way to slip that in there at the very end!

ORION said...

Hey anonymous (BOB the BETA READER)!
Anybody have any thrillers for him to read?

Carrie Wilson Link said...

LOL!

Holly Kennedy said...

Where I come from (think snow, mountains, moose, deer, etc) we tend to say things like... The bear I saw in my back yard was bigger than the one you found sleeping in your shed!!!

Holly Kennedy said...

What I mean was... who needs boring old boats when yah got grizzlies to contend with?

Kim Stagliano said...

Everyone over inflates the size of their home too, until it's the tax man asking for the square footage! What a funny post, Patricia. Thanks for the laugh.

K

ChrisEldin said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHA at your comment "How big is she?"

I spewed coffee on that one!

(My kids once said "Mommy, you're as big as her!" Comparing me to one of the 'before' contestants on The Biggest Loser. It's all about perspective, I guess....)

:-)

ORION said...

Bears! oh my!
(I have lions and tigers too but they're beanie babies)
yeah it IS perspective.
Keep in mind my harbor friends who read my blog are having a great time with this...running around with tape measures...

Brenda said...

Hilarious!

BClark said...

Our boat is smaller than yurs, being a 15 foot outboard. She however is a 60's type all original. Red and white interior and a tape player in the dash! Our RV is probably about the size of your boat, well, maybe bigger. Especially when I am trying to park the durn thing. Still trying to work up courage to attempt a trip further west. There are bigggggggg hills out there. As always fun reading. Non competitivly, Barbara

writtenwyrdd said...

Hahaha! And memory fuzzes the details so you are definitely NOT lying when you tell old war stories that happened to somebody else. Definitely.

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