A BRAND NEW CONTEST AND THE BEST LITTLE OLD BOOKCLUB IN KOOLINA MARINA

SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS
THIS CONTEST IS FOR BOB THE BETA READER. You see he really wants to re read this thriller but he can't remember the author or the title (no surprise there) - he barely remembers the plot but this is what he thinks it's about:
AND I QUOTE BETA BOB HERE:

"The one where a guy comes upon a car wreck, and rescues a damsel in distress, and almost goes to bed with her, but later finds out she is his long lost daughter, and then he and his daughter try to foil a plot by an evil villan who has created a killer hurricane that will wipe out the entire East Coast of the US unless the government drops a nuclear bomb in the exact eye of the hurricane to rip it apart, which would be a happy ending except that our hero and his daughter are in a mini-sub in the eye of the hurricane as the bomb is just about to be dropped, but are saved by a nearby US Submarine which hovers over them to protect them from the effects of the blast.
No kidding, this is a true story, or at least a real fictional story that I barely remember reading.
Aloha,
Wandering Star Bob."
Gee...You can't MAKE this stuff up.
OKAY BOYS AND GIRLS. THE FIRST BLOGGER THAT POSTS THE CORRECT TITLE AND AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK WINS AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF LOTTERY... I take care of my betas...
What beta BoB wants...Beta Bob gets...

A BOOK CLUB WHERE PATRICIA ACTUALLY GOT FED

The meeting to discuss LOTTERY was held on Vickie's boat - Not too shabby.





The company was way too fun and the discussion lively. They all volunteered to be the beta reader book club for book number two. I promised to put all their names in my book - They want to help me defend my title of being the Putnam author with the longest acknowledgment pages
EVER.
MWA HA HA....MORE BETA READERS.... MORE I TELL YOU!!! MORE!!!
I am STILL not satisfied...
Anyway I was blown away by the questions and they read some of their favorite parts in LOTTERY.
My head now is unable to fit through the companionway door so I'm sleeping in the cockpit tonight...
Good night.
And Aloha.
PS (Don't forget to enter the contest.)

ODE TO BOB THE BETA READER

Female Frogfish hide in plain site.
Kind of like beta readers.

8:30 pm and 76 degrees.
No tradewinds tonight. Christmas lights are up. Starboard is green. Port is red. Aft is white.
The draft of my first novel was written over one summer. I was still teaching high school. I thought it was pretty good but yanno...I was biased. I needed a beta reader.
The great thing about living in a harbor among cruisers is that everyone reads and boat people are notoriously cheap. Ergo if you say you are a writer there are beta readers lining up outside your boat. My neighbor Bob (Wandering Star 45 ft Irwin sloop center cockpit) has read everything I've written and sometimes more than once - you see Bob is the perfect beta reader. He has a very short memory. In fact I'm probably lucky he remembers my name. He frequents a used book store and sells back his books. He's been known to turn books in, stay so long browsing that he actually buys back one of his own books turned in that day - forgetting he already read it.
I am NOT making this up.
The PERFECT beta reader.
I have various beta readers known only by pseudonyms.
The comma queen.
Grammar Police Brigade (several of these).
Plot Hole Finder (which is not the same as a Plot Hole FILLER who is quite invaluable).
Anyway. My point it my beta readers - who are named in the acknowledgments pages in the back of LOTTERY - play a huge role in helping me perfect my novels.
They are anxiously waiting my next one.
In fact.
That's either one hugely monstrous frog fish outside my boat or...
they're lining up now.

PATRICIA'S BIG OUWEE (ALSO KNOWN AS A BOOBOO)

WHAT DO OUWEES AND BOOBOOS HAVE TO DO WITH WRITING...READ ON AND FIND OUT
I have a boo boo on my leg. I noticed it two weeks ago and it didn't go away. Now keep in mind us writers have an exceedingly active imagination. All it took was an article in the paper about ginormous flesh eating bacteria (dogs and cats have dissappeared out of yards... people are missing)...Well, you get the picture.
And speaking of pictures...
(Bandaid covers afore mentioned BOOBOO slash OUWEE hearafter to be referred to as:BSO) ((I had to include scenery with BSO)) (((Scenery = palm trees, water, and other boats)))
So Monday morning I decided to go to the acute care facility and show them my BSO and see what they thought.
Keep in mind After an entire weekend of thinking about this I was convinced my leg would be operated on and I would lose it through some obscure medicinal oversight and be given a peg leg, which held some attraction for me--after all-- I DO live on a boat.
(I hear you yelling PATRICIA GET TO THE POINT!!!WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH WRITING!!!!!!)I'm getting there.
NURSE= "I have some questions."
ME="Okay"
*reluctantly puts sudoku puzzle book away*
NURSE="What do you do."
ME= "Write"
NURSE="No, what do you DO. For a job"
ME= proudly "That's what I do I'm a writer."
NURSE ="No, Really."
ME = even more proudly "I write novels."
NURSE="But I need to know what you do for a REAL job."
ME="That's what I do. I write books."
*pulls out business card and hands to nurse*"I'm an author."
NURSE="You mean like Nicholas Sparks?"
ME=*getting shorter and less proud* "Um, well, yeah"
NURSE="How come I never heard of you?"
ME=*really tiny and not at all proud*"Well, I'm new..."
NURSE="Have I read anything you've written?"
ME= "I don't know. Have you read my book LOTTERY?" *points to cover of book on card*
NURSE= "Oh no, I'm not a reader..."

GEARING UP FOR THANKSGIVING

MY SWEDISH COVER

And you can order the Swedish version HERE
Doesn't it look like Perry's exuberance and joy.
I think it's lovely.
What do you think?
I believe a close translation of the title would be "fortunate lottery winner" but that's as close as I can come. I welcome all comers to help me out. Babelfish is not my friend...

CONTEST CONTEST CONTEST
If you live in the Netherlands you can enter a contest to win a vacation!! Tell what you would do with 12 million dollars? Well? What would YOU do?

As we approach Thanksgiving I'm reminded of where I was last year at this time. My final tweaked manuscript was turned over to my agent and she planned on submitting to editors the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. I readied myself for a long wait.
Today?
Well I have a stack of books with my name on them that I carry around in my car.
Touloose has been playing nurse.
I had a brief touch of the flu while I was letting my current project sit (funny how that happens)tomorrow I will get back to work.
I think I got sympathy flu from Holly...
A big thanks to fuzzysound for letting me know his autographed copy of LOTTERY arrived safe and sound - he won Church Lady's contest last weekend.
AND I will be in San Francisco from December 6 through the 10th. Any of you SF bloggers who want books signed let me know! I'll be signing some stock at Barnes and Noble and Borders - email me if you want to hook up. Remember Christmas is coming! (How can we forget!)
So aloha and someone help me translate!!

FIFTY WAYS TO DO YOUR RESEARCH

Bright and early I get to work. Revising my crappy first draft.

9pm and 78 degrees.
Research. Everybody's got to do it. I do it concurrently while I'm writing. Below is a photograph of some things I gathered for my next novel.

Although fiction is, well, fiction, it's a priority for me to make sure I know what I'm talking about.
Thank GOODNESS I don't write science fiction or fantasy or I'd be in trouble. I'd have a hard time putting in time on Mars.
So I have enlisted KIMBER AN 's help for those places I haven't been to. (Kimber An's response is MWA HA HA)
The important thing about research is to have dependable help. I put Touloose in charge of reading Edith Hamilton and Thomas Bulfinch. So Touloose. What have you found? Touloose? Touloose? TOULOOSE!!!!!

POSITION AVAILABLE:
Research position working for author. Must be willing to stay awake while reading.
While ability to purr is preferable it is not required.
Dogs need not apply.

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU I'M NOT...

JUST SITTING AROUND EATING BON BONS ER... PINEAPPLE

This is a photo of the Manoa Valley Church Bookclub and um...the rest of you book clubbers take note - they actually FED me!! Good stuff too.
And now an advertisement for TODDIE DOWNS AND HER BLOG who I went out eat with after the Everett Library Gig with ANTIWIFE.
Toddie asked me for an interview so I said yes and...well...here it is.
And now back to work. Turning off phone. Setting email to stun. Locking muses in forward cabin.
Ready.
Set.
Back to writing.

AUTHOR'S WEEKEND ON THE CHURCH LADY'S BLOG

THE CHURCH LADY is having an author's weekend with ME (Patricia Wood and LOTTERY) on Saturday and JOHN ROBISON (LOOK ME IN THE EYE) on Sunday.
Be there or be square...

LOST IN TRANSLATION OR IF IT'S WEDNESDAY THIS MUST BE THE NETHERLANDS

THE TRAIN BOSS!THE TRAIN!
Welcome to Fantasy Island...

This month the Dutch version of Lottery is released.
GORGEOUS!!!


It was SOOO exciting.; I got my VERY FIRST EVER FOREIGN REVIEW and I couldn't read a word of it.
It was in Dutch.
Did that stop me?
No. Not at all.
I pasted the text into a free translation program online.
THIS WAS ADAM'S IDEA (and you know who you are!)
Simple right?
Er...
Maybe not.
Here's what I got:

Perry B. Crandall are a bofkont. At least, that is true B. in its name for state according to its granny and actual Perry that themselves find also. He is not mentally handicapped such as others frequently think, because are IQ are 76 and that is still above the border of 75 and therefore is he not mentally handicapped. He is ordinary what slow. A simple description of a captivating personage from the intriguing debuutroman of Patricia Wood.


Ly, but not insipid moving, funnily and sober is the words which are appropriate at this book. Patricia Wood wrote from simple but certainly not insipid view of a slow boy, who is only busy with happy is with what he has. The remaining personages remain because of this what superficial, but this is not annoying. Perry's experience and how he stipulated matter take its enough to continue captivate you the complete book. Its simple look on things works clarifying and logically. It makes the book not too heavy, in spite of the nevertheless violent things that he to process gets. What, however, is notable, is that it seems be here and there written with a film in the down-stream cutwater, especially the last chapters have this strong by the speed which sits there then all of a sudden in. Some what slightly disturbs in this book are haste identical ends of each chapter, but this can become remedied by simply continuing read to you this splendid book from has.

I can't even read this without peeing my pants I'm laughing so hard.
By the way the reviewer gave me 4 stars.
I SERIOUSLY need to learn another language.
Any of you know Dutch?

I thank you most happy with but are got grateful me.
aloha aloha much

IS SHE OR ISN'T SHE? ONLY A STALKER KNOWS FOR SURE...

OK blogging buddies. Help me out. A very nice man sent me a very nice email. He's reading LOTTERY. I made him cry. Can you help him feel better by saying ALOHA HERE and reading his blog and commenting???
That's me.
The FULL SERVICE author.
I knew you wouldn't let me down...

FUTURE HOME OF THE HADAR WRITER'S RETREAT

Flash flood warnings and rain rain rain...but have I got a deal for you...
Friends of mine are building a "mobius" house.


It should be habitable in a year. High in the mountains on the North shore of Oahu it will be an artist's haven. A place a novelist or painter can go to find time, space and quiet to finish their project. Oh yeah, and my friends will be living there.
My name is already down on their list...
There's something about real life which gets in the way of writing that wildly successful tome.
There's laundry to do. Meals to fix. Cats to play with...
Not to mention the thirty new leaks to repair in the deck after a deluge of rain.
And on another note...
I've been asked about my next book. My lips are zipped shut but maybe just maybe a small tantalizing morsal tossed out to those who want a hint about my next novel...
Here's clue number one:

For all the rest of you who have asked about how I write or want to know how I keep all my plots straight while I write?
Here:


And then there's the rest of you who have no interest at all in anything except for the continuing adventures of Touloose the wonder cat...
Touloose is penning his memoir. He's describing his travels in Paris...in Africa...The celebrities he's met in rehab...
I tried to explain to him that a memoir has to be true...
But he's having none of it.
"It's true because I say so", he says and goes into "cute cat" mode.

A BRAND NEW WEBSITE: AUTHORS AS REVIEWERS

CHECK THIS OUT!
WRITERSAREREADERS