THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR...AND OTHER FANTASIES

I am thankful for being able to hold a rum and coke under one arm and tequilla and lime in the other.



I am thankful for Girl Kitty's abject honesty about how she REALLY feels about the salability of a manuscript.


I am thankful when I can avoid stepping in Girl Kitty's abject honesty in the morning before I have my coffee.


I am thankful that the cool gray fish with the triangular fin that the kid on the snorkle boat was tossing hamburger to WASN'T interested in "the other white meat."



I am thankful that I see the light at the end of the tunnel when I finish a first draft.




And sunsets.
I am most definitely thankful for sunsets.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING BLOGGERS!

What are you thankful for?

MONKEY TREE OHHH MONKEY TREEEEEEE...

Silliness is as silliness does...A new spin on on old Christmas standard.

So I been getting mail.
Lots of email. Some from readers. Some from writers and other authors.

And requests. I'm getting lots of requests that...well...defy explanation.

I OFFER YOU THE LATEST MISSIVE I'VE RECEIVED...

Bonjour ,
Je vous écris avec beaucoup d'hésitation ses quelques lignes pour vous
décrire ma situation.
En espérant trouver compassion auprcs de vous car cela s'impose r moi
vue la pénible et difficile condition de vie que je mcne présentement.
Mais avant, je tiens r me présenter r vous. Mon nom est madame ALESIA ATOLEVNA
MAROKINA, je suis de nationalité Russe et veuve.
Mon Epoux est décédé dans le désastre de Tsunami en Thadlande. Je suis
hériticre des biens de mon époux d'ou la somme de 4.500.000 de dollars
américains. J'ai en ce moment quelques difficultés avec ma belle famille
qui veut mettre la main sur certains biens.

AND THE BABLE FISH TRANSLATION...

I write to you with much hesitation its some lines to describe you my situation. While hoping to find compassion you because that impose me seen the painful one and difficult living condition that I am at present. But front, I hold to introduce to you. My name is Mrs ALESIA ATOLEVNA MAROKINA, I am of Russian and widowed nationality. My Husband is deceased in the disaster of Tsunami in Thailand. I am inheritor of goods of my husband or summons it of $4.500.000 of American dollars. I have in this moment some difficulties with my beautiful family which wants to put the hand on certain goods...

You have to hand it to them. They're persistent. It's just that I um...don't speak and read French all that well or any other language for that matter - including English...

And what's with men from India and Thailand asking for signed photos of a 50 + year old author?
What's up with that?

Inquiring writerly minds want to know.

LOREN FISKE FAN CLUB FOREVER

38 years ago me and a bunch of other slackers in High School made a perfectly innocuous guy famous.
Loren Fiske.
November 1970.
The day of the creation of the Loren Fiske Fan Club
I know it was this date as that's what's written on the back of the photo. It's one of those memories that you forget and one picture suddenly brings it all back. We were the Anti-Cheerleaders. The Anti-Jocks. The Anti-Student Body Presidents. The Anti Peggy-Sues.
And while we weren't exactly bad. We were the poets. The writers. The drama club. The artists.
We were BAD...
At least we wanted to be when our parents would let us.
Anyway we started a fan club. Actually if I'm correct it was Dave Overby that started it. And maybe Kevin Cobley. And then we all joined.
And the rest was history.
It was a stellar moment for us pre-geeks.
We had membership cards.
A special hand signal.
And caused great perplexity and cacophony during pep rallys by yelling "Loren Fiske...Loren Fiske...Loren Fiske..."
If we had been better organized I know we could have gotten him elected Homecoming Queen. Or at least Princess.
But that was a long time ago.
In a galaxy far, far away.
When I was young.

Can you spell N-O-S-T-A-L-G-I-A?

HOLO HOLO WITH ANTI-WIFE

I took Anti-Wife to my favorite Heiau in the mountains of Pupukea.


We talked about home remodeling, writing, how beautiful Oahu is, writing, how fun it is to go holo holo (play hooky), writing, what wine we should buy (white), writing, how Tooloose is even stranger than I describe him, writing, how much fun it is to sit on ORION and listen to the water, and oh yes...writing.

The conversation turned to Tooloose and his Alien Space Monkey Memoir...
We waited until Tooloose left the room.
Anti-Wife: "How's it coming?"

PW: "Not good. He needs several more revisions, has an enormous amount of tense errors as cats live entirely in the present. This becomes problematic in a memoir. Plus he's never actually been an Alien Space Monkey."

Anti-Wife:"Have you explained it to him? Talked to him about it? I mean he has a real advantage living with a published author."

PW: "I know. I know, but he doesn't listen to me. When I make suggestions he just says we disagree stylistically."

Anti-Wife: "It is hard when writers can't take constructive criticism isn't it? Maybe it's you. Maybe he'll listen to me?"

PW: "Here. Read his first prologue and see what you think."

Anti-Wife: "First prologue? What do you mean by first prologue?"

PW: "He's not using chapters. He's doing everything in prologues. You know. Prologue 1, prologue 2, prologue 3..."

ALIEN SPACE MONKEY MEMOIR BY TOOLOOSE STEINBECK SPARKS ROBERTS HEMINWAY STEELE WOOD

PROLOGUE 1

dem monkeeze am scaree. I iz one a dem too. I haz get space ship fast. eat fud. have no thumb lak dem so can not shut lazy gun.
play wit dem tails.
I no eat bananaz.


PW: "I know Anit-Wife. I cried too..."


Okay bloggers. Tooloose may listen to you. Can you give him a hand with his edits?

THERE'S A PLACE FOR US...SOMEDAY A PLACE FOR US...

I discovered another great way to procrastinate.
REARRANGE!

For years I've been writing on my salon table. It's too high. The seat makes my back hurt. I have to move everything for dinner time.
I needed a new place. My own space. And I found it right under my nose (so to speak).
It's where I used to keep the kitty box.
So Tooloose and Girl Kitty are out of the forward cabin and it's mine...mwa ha ha ALL MINE!!!!

So what's the big deal about having your own place to write you say?
It's comforting. It gets my stuff in one area. AND I CAN SHUT THE DOOR.
No more Tooloose strolling by to get help on his Alien Space Monkey Memoir.
So where do you guys write?
How do you procrastinate?
Inquiring authorial minds want to know.