Sunday, November 23, 2008

MONKEY TREE OHHH MONKEY TREEEEEEE...

Silliness is as silliness does...A new spin on on old Christmas standard.

So I been getting mail.
Lots of email. Some from readers. Some from writers and other authors.

And requests. I'm getting lots of requests that...well...defy explanation.

I OFFER YOU THE LATEST MISSIVE I'VE RECEIVED...

Bonjour ,
Je vous écris avec beaucoup d'hésitation ses quelques lignes pour vous
décrire ma situation.
En espérant trouver compassion auprcs de vous car cela s'impose r moi
vue la pénible et difficile condition de vie que je mcne présentement.
Mais avant, je tiens r me présenter r vous. Mon nom est madame ALESIA ATOLEVNA
MAROKINA, je suis de nationalité Russe et veuve.
Mon Epoux est décédé dans le désastre de Tsunami en Thadlande. Je suis
hériticre des biens de mon époux d'ou la somme de 4.500.000 de dollars
américains. J'ai en ce moment quelques difficultés avec ma belle famille
qui veut mettre la main sur certains biens.

AND THE BABLE FISH TRANSLATION...

I write to you with much hesitation its some lines to describe you my situation. While hoping to find compassion you because that impose me seen the painful one and difficult living condition that I am at present. But front, I hold to introduce to you. My name is Mrs ALESIA ATOLEVNA MAROKINA, I am of Russian and widowed nationality. My Husband is deceased in the disaster of Tsunami in Thailand. I am inheritor of goods of my husband or summons it of $4.500.000 of American dollars. I have in this moment some difficulties with my beautiful family which wants to put the hand on certain goods...

You have to hand it to them. They're persistent. It's just that I um...don't speak and read French all that well or any other language for that matter - including English...

And what's with men from India and Thailand asking for signed photos of a 50 + year old author?
What's up with that?

Inquiring writerly minds want to know.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear lady author in aft cabin,
I is cat whom gets lots of monee in check. Mad out too meee. Patricia Wud. I ned to cash it now and I geev U sum.
Okay?
Leav it undur the dor wher the cat bx iz.
labaled TOOLOOSE.
thak U

Kanani said...

They're obsessed. Clearly. This calls for the addition of a large dog.

Travis Erwin said...

You've become like Perry. Everyone wants something from you.

Janet said...

Sheesh, that's not what she told ME! Where did the tsunami thing come from?

At least she wrote me in English.

;o)

Kim Stagliano said...

Ha!!! I just read an online scam in French! That was great!!!! I'm sure you'll be paid in Francs, oui? LOLOLOL!!!!!!!

(That's right, Francs no longer exist. Quelle dommage!)

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

Are you kiddin? I get stuff in Russian and Korean!

Just tell them your money is in a sock behind the aft engine. Let 'em find it then!

Stephen Parrish said...

My mother always warned me about women "of Russian and widowed nationality."

ChrisEldin said...

Maybe I'm just a techno-ignorant idiot, but I've been wary to open those kinds of emails. I think you should be careful....
But I have no infor beyond my paranoia in saying that...

Great photo!
:-)

Holly Kennedy said...

I got one of those emails from a business man in Lebanon last week. "Send me a signed book plate, or a signed photo, or a signed note. Any of these would make him eternally happy."

NUKE, another word for DELETE.

P.S. What's up with the monkey tree reference? I'm completely confused?

ORION said...

Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree... instead of a fur tree buy the eternal monkey tree...that's what the photo is of- it's in my sisters yard and actually used to be my tree a long long time ago lol. When they are small they make great Christmas tree except they cause injuries each time they're touched...

ORION said...

oh and Chris: re opening emails- I'd never open an attachment but I have a mac so opening emails is fine-

LadyBronco said...

Hey~

I thought she was in the earthquake in China??

Wow, she has had a really, really bad run of luck lately!

Joanne said...

This writerly mind now has that Christmas song playing in her head! Well, tis the season!

Michelle O'Neil said...

The ones I get always start out with Dear Blessed One of God.

From Mrs. Mary so & so.

It's so sweet of her to think of me, over and over again.

Katie Alender said...

Monkey tree... are those the trees that drop the branches that are covered in horrible spikes?

I can't believe you're all so inconsiderate to the needs of the poor French woman. At least we can send her something to eat--some freedom fries and freedom toast, maybe?

Bookfool said...

You have the wittiest commenters on the planet.

Ello said...

Hey - I thought she wanted to give me the money! What a fickle spammer!