Sunday, November 09, 2008


I took Anti-Wife to my favorite Heiau in the mountains of Pupukea.

We talked about home remodeling, writing, how beautiful Oahu is, writing, how fun it is to go holo holo (play hooky), writing, what wine we should buy (white), writing, how Tooloose is even stranger than I describe him, writing, how much fun it is to sit on ORION and listen to the water, and oh yes...writing.

The conversation turned to Tooloose and his Alien Space Monkey Memoir...
We waited until Tooloose left the room.
Anti-Wife: "How's it coming?"

PW: "Not good. He needs several more revisions, has an enormous amount of tense errors as cats live entirely in the present. This becomes problematic in a memoir. Plus he's never actually been an Alien Space Monkey."

Anti-Wife:"Have you explained it to him? Talked to him about it? I mean he has a real advantage living with a published author."

PW: "I know. I know, but he doesn't listen to me. When I make suggestions he just says we disagree stylistically."

Anti-Wife: "It is hard when writers can't take constructive criticism isn't it? Maybe it's you. Maybe he'll listen to me?"

PW: "Here. Read his first prologue and see what you think."

Anti-Wife: "First prologue? What do you mean by first prologue?"

PW: "He's not using chapters. He's doing everything in prologues. You know. Prologue 1, prologue 2, prologue 3..."



dem monkeeze am scaree. I iz one a dem too. I haz get space ship fast. eat fud. have no thumb lak dem so can not shut lazy gun.
play wit dem tails.
I no eat bananaz.

PW: "I know Anit-Wife. I cried too..."

Okay bloggers. Tooloose may listen to you. Can you give him a hand with his edits?


Anonymous said...

Why dem catz tink they only wunz can riet gud stori? Us dog reits too, like:

"Wuz one dark night. Mek storm outsied. Dem space monkee stay all quiet, full banana tummis. Den da Beeg Dog wen cum, da monkees get all respect. Beeg Dog da leeder all space monkees, most important dog all monkee universe. Me Beeg Dog."

Dats how for riet one gud storee.

Zoroaster's Dog

The Anti-Wife said...

I spent hours discussing the memoir with Tooloose, but he's adamant that prologueing is the way to go. He did mention the possibility of 1/2 of the book being prologues and the rest epiloges. It's an interesting concept - at least I think it is. He, Pat, Gordon, Girl Kitty and I all got so sloshed on wine it was hard to remember if we ever agreed on anything.

And it was a fabulous, relaxing and peaceful day playing holo holo with Pat. Mahalo friend! I'll blog about it with pictures when I get back to Seattle.

Cloudia said...

You human-centrist swine!
Catz R geniuses - to deny it is folly! You have lorded it over us too long. Your grammar boring! We live in moment, intutitive & sleek.
If we cost 10,000$ you would appreciate having a noble cat friend. i eat my own fish- not your human sentence structure-
cloudia's cat

Kanani said...

Dear Mr. Tooloose,
Thank you for submitting your Alien Space Monkey Memoir. At first I thought it was a joke --was this James Frey submitting another novel/memoir?

Unfortunately, Prologues 1 - 35 smelled of mackerel oil, and I was only able to glance through Prologues 36 - 220 after my staff doused the lot with Febreeze.

Your style of using Prologues as a vehicle for storytelling is provocative. I'm sure the MFA program you graduated from gave you high marks for innovation. However, I found it akin to minimalist poetry such as:


As with the poem, I'm left wondering when the story begins, or is this the entirety of the story altogether?

Nonetheless, I enjoyed your lengthy explanation in the back on why there would be no acknowledgments. I agree a nod to any human from a cat would be very uncatsmanlike.

While you are awaiting an acceptance for your manuscript, you might try applying at Tarrrrrget. They desperately need a cat to oversee the stocking of shelves in the pet section.

I'm sure there's a book in there somewhere.
Kanani Fong
aka Easy-Writer

dan radke said...

I think it's coming along smashingly, Tooloose. The description is poetic. I can really see these characters, believe in them. And the part about bananas? Had me howling.

I'd love to see prologue 2.

And Patricia, I'm a little disappointed. I know you're a published author, but even suggesting that there's something wrong with this first prologue, well that's just crazy.

Jealousy. Such an ugly emotion.

ORION said...

Oh Dan.
You see right through me.
I am ashamed.

ChrisEldin said...

Glad to hear AW can talk to Touloose!!
The picture looks beautiful..

Polly Kahl said...

A day with Pat and TooLoose, taking in the sites and sipping wine? That AW is one lucky gal! And that TooLoose is one strange writer.

Bookfool said...

Bookfool is speechless, for once.

Joanne said...

Okay, I gave Touloose's Prologue to my cat to read, so this is straight from the cat's meow: Dear Touloose, Take a nap.

LadyBronco said...


If I remember correctly, wasn't there supposed to be a gay vampire horse in there somewhere?

It has been a while.

I could be wrong.

ORION said...

Well I remember something about a collaboration between Baby Horse and Tooloose but they cant agree on a split...
I told them not to worry about the until they write the book and get an agent but Tooloose was adamant -- he feels he's the creative force in the partnership and Baby Horse says "Neigh."

Anonymous said...

I know this is sooo off the subject...
I've been a reader of your blog for a while now, but I have just finished reading "Lottery". It has been on my "to read" list for a long time now. I just want to say that I loved it. I really did. I loved Perry a lot. Everytime I put the book down, I felt like I had to get back to Perry. I'm a writer, and Perry really made me love words even more. I can't say how much I loved this book. Great job!

ORION said...

Aw gee thanks's so cool to hear from readers. Each time I check my author email
patricia@patriciawoodauthordotcom and I get a letter from a reader it really makes my day!

Tooloose of course says they're all really fan mail for him and I'm just a meany for not acknowledging it...

Holly Kennedy said...

Hmmmm... I love Tooloose but I think it's perhaps time he gave up writing and took up napping!

Joe Iriarte said...

"no thumb lak dem so can not shut lazy gun"

This made me cry.

Beautiful. Just . . . breathtaking.

Bravo, sir.

Queen Elizabeth said...

I just finished reading your book and just loved it. I finished reading it in 2 days - couldn't put it down. Kudos to a great story and thanks for a great read!

(Sorry that this has nothing to do with your post... It's late!)

writtenwyrdd said...

Wow, I had a cat who probably would have written like that, but he was too lazy.

Glad you had fun.