A PARANOTTER BY ANY OTHER NAME IS STILL A BRAZIL NUT...OR FUN WITH BABELFISH

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MIDDLE OF THE RAINBOW


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NEWS FLASH: IT'S BEEN CONFIRMED. THE END OF THE RAINBOW IS IN WAIKIKI...

So every time I think I too much to do and lots of revisioning work I either play computer Mah jong or I get a foreign review that's been well... er... uh...translated?
Here is a portion of the selected review for your reading pleasure:


"Which brings us to the most new book turning right and left gaming, Lottery by Patricia Wood.If you haven’t heard well-nigh this still, you will.And later, suppose that you’re staminate, you’ll exist dragged into perception the movie.
Wood is unfeigned whenever she writes around how she knows: the mentally disabled, sailboats and engaging a state lottery (her engender won one).
She writes likely the beginning contriver (she expressions of gratitude the Maui Writers Retreat) she is well-nigh everything other.
Wood does a good job of giving spoken sound to Perry L.
Crandall, I.Q. of 76."

Okay...Now...

If I'm REALLY lucky I get to work with my foreign translators who ask me what is "hair of the dog that bit you" and "don't get your girdle in a knot." or "education schmeducation."
Hey! I hear you laughing!
I challenge you to translate. It's like a puzzle and totally fun. It can distract me ALL DAY...
and then I go back to playing solitaire...er I go back to editing...

So here's the game.
I'm going to give you phrases that my various translators have asked me about and give you a chance to interpret so the translator can understand... There just MIGHT be a prize involved.
The one who makes coffee shoot out my nose is the winner...

PHRASE #1
"Coffee shoot out my nose..."

Phrase #2
"Don't get your girdle in a knot."

Phrase #3
"From Hell to breakfast."

Phrase #4
"Working under the table."

Okay. Ready. Set. Man your thesaurus.
Go.

THE VIEW FROM HERE...

A very fun review and interview...This literary magazine has received well deserved awards.

DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE...

So I wasn't really looking for inspiration when I watched the Honolulu Festival Parade. I was taking a break from my next big revision...and...voila!!!

A real honest to goodness fire breathing dragon.
Everybody's got them.
It occurred to me that revision is like fighting the dragon. You have to kill it to go any further. It's scary. It's hard. Dragons can be tricky and mean.
When you succeed however you feel on top of the world.
And then?
Well there's always the next task in any good fantasy.
And in the parade I found mine:
The giant lighted beating drum...


Who knew?
So what's your big bug a boo?
Tooloose says his is "findin tha Kiddee fud bol emtee."

IT'S A BIRD...IT'S A PLANE...IT'S A FLYING GUNARD...

Your marine science minute...

Sometimes just walking down the dock you see very unusual things. Unexpected things.
I stood there watching the fish hunt while I took photos with my iPhone -- I collected quite a crowd.
"Hey it's walking around."
"Are those legs?"
No, I told them. They're modified pectoral fins.
Once a science teacher always a science teacher. They're lucky I didn't assign them two chapters to read and an essay to write.
I forget how cool it is to hang out in a harbor and what good fun it is to be a writer.
Those people didn't know it but they became characters in a scene I wrote later that day.
Coming into contact with an author can be hazardous to your privacy.
Be afraid.
Be VERY afraid.

CHARACTERS WITH POTTY MOUTHS...WHAT'S AN AUTHOR TO DO?

(Photo courtesy of Peg-the-librarian-on-vacation)

I've had a few letters from readers and an occassional comment from a "book clubber" about why some of my characters "talk dirty." They ask why I did that.
I'm here to tell you it was totally out of my control.
There I've let the secret out: Authors have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER THE WAY THEIR CHARACTERS TALK.
The more I tried to edit those naughty bits the more they'd sneak them in and do you know how hard it is to wash an imaginary person's mouth out with soap? It's not a pretty sight.
In LOTTERY both Keith and Gram made me blush. After a while I came to see that they weren't me and weren't even a reflection of me- It was important for them to be salty for contrast and so they were more authentic- Have you ever met a Vietnam vet who DIDN'T use the F-word?
So I heaved a big sigh and allowed them free rein.
The characters in my new project are very circumspect and control their utterances remarkably well.
But I know some form of embarrassment is lurking...
Tooloose on the other hand has been inspired by this whole thing and has a new WIP ready to go. It's called THE BOOK OF NAUGHTY WORDS.
Of course it's totally from a cat's point of view and contains the words DIET, BATH, and VET.
How about you?
DO naughty words turn you off or turn you on????