Wednesday, February 06, 2008


8 PM 76 Degrees and too much time on my hands.
I want to be a horse...

I appreciate the Chinese New Year. This is the year of the rat. I happen to be a snake and my husband is a horse. I wanted to be the horse. But no. I get to be the snake. Why the snake? I'm always the snake. I don't want to be the snake anymore. I want to be the horse. It's not fair. Not fair at all.
To play this game you have to know your birth year -- your real one -- not the one you tell everybody.
Below are the choices:
CAUTION: Here is where I dis all the other horoscope animals.

Rat people are charming. An example is when we say "You dirty rat..."

Ox people are bright. Yeah.
I think this is where we say dumb as an Ox

Tiger people are emotional and cry easily.
Then they eat you. They are always really, really sorry afterwards

Rabbits play in the moon light and take crazy chances.
They are often found in mental health facilities...and not as the caretakers (hint hint)

Dragon people follow their own drummer. If they are rich then they are eccentric. It they are poor then they are deeply disturbed. If they are celebrities then they are in rehab.

Snake people are perfect. (Sneaky but perfect.)

Horse people are wild and free and will kick you in the butt if you turn your back on them.
They are not to be trusted.

Lamb people are shy.
They are wusses and are often given wedgies in the school lavatories.

Monkey people? MONKEY PEOPLE? Ha! Need I say more?

Rooster people are moody. They get up way too early in the morning and are often found combing their hair. Elvis is only part Rooster.

Dog people are loyal and honest. They will get nowhere in life.

Boar people are real pigs

So go. Look yourself up. Then tell me if you match your animal. If you have trouble I can help point out all your negative qualities...


ORION said...

okay snakes are also creative and the life of the party...and are often found with lampshades on their heads...

Mary Akers said...

I'm a wood snake. Seems to fit me well enough--I'll take it. :)

mlh said...

I'm a wood hare posting a comment on a snake's message board.

I must be crazy.

Holly Kennedy said...

I'm a rabbit and they SAY: "they are the luckiest of all twelve signs".

Right. Work with me people!
Your Chinese calendar is w-r-o-n-g.
At least this week/month.

Fun post, Pat.

Katie Alender said...

Fire Snake, baby! Yeah! I will light you on fire with my snaky sneakiness. Where do I pick up my "perfect" tee-shirt?

Demon Hunter said...

I'm the wood rabbit! Woohoo! :*)

Travis Erwin said...

I'm a water rat. You have to appreciate that living on a boat as you do.

Ello said...

This little lamb used to be the one handing out the wedgies! I am a fire lamb. But in real Chinese astrology, I am the ram not a lamb. Which makes more sense to me given that I am the opposite of all the shy nice things they say about lambs.

My hubby and my mom are both snakes. I know ALL about them! Charming and sneaky.

Happy Chinese New Year!

ChristineEldin said...

What a cool site!

*clears throat for cool announcement*

I am the Fire Horse. I think that's the best one. I hope all my life's luck isn't balled up into being the best animal in the Chinese New Year. Now *that* would be my luck!


ORION said...

I must say I'm VERY jealous...Now I am somewhat mollified that I am a water snake...(look how many snakes there are in the arts...

Anissa said...

Too funny!

I always thought I was a dragon, but using your link, I discovered otherwise. I forgot that the Chinese New Year falls later and I hit the cusp. I am...a wood rabbit.

Here I go, hopping away.

ORION said...

My husband, Gordon is a wood horse - which is hilarious on several levels LOL
(Gordon WOOD -- get it?)

Anissa said...

Just call him Trojan Man!

ORION said...

oh oh
naughty bits anissa!

The Anti-Wife said...

I am an Earth Rat and this is the year of the Earth Rat, so look out! And I'm not dirty!

Lisa R said...

I'm an Earth Rooster but you know...the Chinese calendar just doesn't match me at all! But I'm an Aries through and through (which may or may not be a good thing).

Therese said...

Ello and I are twins! I knew it!

Fire lamb--that just seems so right.

Chumplet said...

I'm a boar and sheesh, I'm such a slob.

Reminds me of the song Swingin' on a Star. "A pig is an animal with dirt on his heels..."

Manic Mom said...

I am a ROOSTER. "Rooster People Are Moody."

You can attest to that fact simply by our phone call today where I answered mid-howl like a wounded dog. I sounded like a dog, not a rooster, but then you cheered me up, and I laughed, like a gleeful, hopeful one-day author.

Thank you! : )

You truly, truly, TRULY turned my day around!

Janet said...

LOL! Well, this was about as accurate as any other horoscope reading I've gotten. Moody and get up too early... HAHAHAHA! That is so - HAHAHAHAHA!


Oh well, better luck next time.

Mary said...

I thought I was a tiger, but I'm a metal ox.

What's great about the blogosphere? One learns something new every day!

ORION said...

oh I like the sound of that...metal ox...

Kimber An said...

I'm a rooster. That's not even female!

ORION said...

So I guess you'll have to write from a man's point of view in you novels LOL

Jamie Ford said...

Earth Monkey, reporting for duty.

Michelle O'Neil said...

Hey, hey, I'm a monkey.

Kimber An said...

Guess so. It is true I get up too early in the morning. And I can be found combing my hair a lot, but, hey, I have a lot of hair! But, I am not moody! I'm not!

writtenwyrdd said...

I'm an Ox. I look like one more than I think like one, though! This was hilarious, Pat.

Bookfool said...

I'm a water tiger, which makes sense because I do have a bit of a bite but I'm very watery. I sob a lot.

Anonymous said...

Love this blog Pat!!! I also watched your Late Night
with Andy Bumatai interview, you looked so fantastic!! For dealing with three energetic, overbearing, outlandish men on the same show,
you not only held your own, you rocked!!

ORION said...

Okay anonymous...I don't feel so bad now. LOL.
Wow you monkeys are coming out of the woodwork!

suesun said...

fire horse! And damn proud of it. On my own blog. when I posted about this same topic, I mistyped the title at first and wrote "fire hose"..... :-)

Maria said...

Earth Dog here. Which is poppycock. If you saw me lose my temper, you'd agree that I am a fire cat.

Bernita said...

I'm monkey people.
The one with her hand over her mouth.