Wednesday, March 21, 2007

MEN DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME


8 pm and 77 degrees.
It's a cold cold world out there. The pressure. The demands. I couldn't put two words together this morning.
It was dire.
There was only one thing to do.
Get a pedicure.
And my nails done.
Of course my nails lasted as long as it took me to walk to my car. Just before I fished my keys out of my purse and marred the gorgeous pink color.
But I still felt special.
I felt even more special at Safeway. Going up and down the aisles.
Pushing my cart. In my purple slippers.
KNOWING EVERY SINGLE PERSON WAS ENVYING MY TOES. Not.
Kind of like getting an agent.
Thousands clamoring at the door. And I!
I was admitted!
Only to find myself pacing back and forth. Is THIS the day my novel is going to be submitted?
No.
Just a bit more tweaking.
I wanted everyone to admire the fact that I got an agent.
Like my toes.
So bright and shiny.
But they only said. "Gee."
"When's your book coming out?"
And I had to tell them how impressive it is JUST TO HAVE A FRIGGING AGENT!
And they back away slowly.
To get away from me.
Just like that man in the vegetable aisle when I waved my foot in the air inches from his face hissing.
"SEEEEEE????Aren't they beeauuttifuulllll!"
I digress.
My point is.
The odds are not favorable. But when the stars are aligned you have to be grateful.
I count the days until my book is to be released. And when I simply can't stand it?
I get my feet and nails done.
Then I sit at my computer. Wriggle my toes.
And write about the man I scared off in Safeway.
He's vulnerable. Uneasy. A bank robber?
I start to type.
No.
No something less extreme. Wait! An embezzler.
He's in terrible trouble and works as an accountant for...

22 comments:

sylvia said...

Haha, excellent!

And I like your toes. :)

The Writers' Group said...

Pat, I did the EXACT same thing last Friday: I got a pedicure to soothe my nerves. For the record, I never get them, but I was somehow compelled that day. Thanks for the reminder to relax a bit.

Amy

Anissa said...

Wow, Pat, we were on the same page. Down to our toes. Yesterday, after spending hours pressure washing the empty pool, I started calculating. If hubby is golfing on Saturday...what time will he be back so I can schedule a pedi? Now if I actually make it, it'll be a miracle. And I'm like Amy, I never get them. Not that I don't love it!

Kimber An said...

77 degrees and you think it's a cold, cold world! Hey, I was dancing the hula when our thermometer rose up over the 20 degree mark!

I've only had one pedicure in my entire life and it was a wedding present from my employer. I loooooved it!

Maprilynne said...

Okay, nothing, NOTHING is better than getting a pedicure. Aaaaahhh!!!!!

And your toes are so cute!

And your purple sandals are so cute!

Don't wear them to New York . . . :)

I totally feel for you. And who outside of the writing world understands how great it is to get an agent from William Morris??? I try to tell people who ask that I have an agent at Writers House and they're like, "Yeah, yeah, that's great." I just want to shake them and be like, "Did you hear me? Writers House! THE Writers House."

Then they back away very slowly.

What a breath of fresh air this morning. You post really made me smile.:)

Maprilynne

Therese said...

Ha! You are too funny, lady!

I hear you on the agent thing...it feels so BIG but most non-writers don't see it. And when your book sells, people think it'll be in the stores in like a week, and you'll be on Oprah hawking it!

Aside: what's with the pedicure thing? You, Anissa--and me on the phone with a girlfriend last night, planning one!

Sam said...

Pedicures sure do make you feel good!
I shut my hand in the door the first time I got a manicure, and went to the party with band-aids on my fingertips. So un-chic, lol.

Wendy Roberts said...

Maybe he's an embezzler with a foot fetish LOL. Just trying to tie in all your wonderful thoughts. I'm taking my sister of a pedicure next week because she's never had one. I told her it would change her life. That may sound a little extreme but then you haven't seen my sister's feet he he.

ORION said...

Obviously I struck a chord.
Trust me.
Pedicures are not in my normal repertoire...
but this just felt right!
My purple spangled slippers were all the rage at Maui last year.
I promised Jackie M. a pair!
I think sometimes the point is ya just got to defuse!
And it sounds like the rest of you agree!
I wonder what "guy" writers do?

Kim Stagliano said...

Pedicures freak me out completely. I've never had one. Touch my feet? UGH NO!!!! And I do not have hammer toes or fungus. I guess I'm tactile defensive that way. I also do not hold hands in church during the Our Father. It's not a germ thing, it's a personal space bubble thing. Pat, am I like some prickly blowfish??? LOL! That deadly one? Is it fugu??

ORION said...

Well kim...I do not think you are a puffer fish- and eating the wrong part CAN kill you...
But I did wonder whether people with ticklish feet could stand pedicures.
My favorite part is the whirlpool foot soaker and the massage chair.
And the little foam thingys between my toes...
Those things are cool.

Heidi the Hick said...

hee hee hee hee!

Sometimes a bit of distraction can be a good thing. And they turned out lovely!

Heidi the Hick said...

By the way, when I get an agent I fully intend to alienate all my loved ones and acquaintances by answering all requests with, "I'll have to speak to my agent first."

I might be really hard to live with for a few days.

Holly Kennedy said...

I soooo would love a good pedicure. But then I could also use a long two-hour massage.
*sigh* I guess it'll have to wait a few more months...
Love your toes, Pat!

ChumleyK said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE your shoes!!! Purple is my favorite color. Your toes look great too. I bullied my husband into getting a pedicure with me once. He even has ticklish feet but he survived. So guys can de-stress with pedicures too (although I think he found the beer in his hand more relaxing than the pedicure).

ORION said...

Oh boy.
I'll let my husband know!
he'll be thrilled.

Bernita said...

You like to rub it in, don't you, Pat?
~gazing at her Kodiacks~

M. G. Tarquini said...

My daughter thinks you're way cooler than me.

ORION said...

I have never had such nice toes. I am getting less and less writing done as I gaze at them.
Belly button introspection of a deeper kind...

Anonymous said...

I had a pedicure once.

It was Heaven on Earth.

I can't wait to get another one.

LadyB

Kanani said...

I took my 72 year old aunt for her first pedicure ever. She loved it.
Since she has everything else that she wants, pedicures make a wonderful treat for her.

Katie said...

I think the guy is embezzling from a nail polish manufacturer and can't figure out how you know his secrets!

;-)

I like pedicures, but the end is always really awkward. I hate waiting for polish to dry so I'll usually just paint my toes at home with the quick-dry stuff. I should have them do everything but the polish!