Thursday, January 29, 2009

HEY! WHO'S STEERING THE BOAT?


Today's subject?
Annoying writer habits – Those irritating idiosyncrasies that are immediately recognizable in OTHER writers.
My resource for this blog post is Tooloose the soon-to-be-famous aspiring writer.
Notice I’ve said “aspiring writer”. Tooloose has not actually successfully WRITTEN anything (that pesky absence of the opposable thumb). He is an “aspiring” writer, which is the level just under the “aspiring” author.
TOOLOOSE'S LIST OF BAD HABITS

1. Discussing writing, debating literary strategies, outlining the premise of the sure to be BIG BOOK but never actually putting anything down on paper. For example: Tooloose’s opus KILLER ALIEN SPACE MONKEYS DON’T GIVE WATER TO ELEPHANTS. You notice that Tooloose has incorporated the first rule of writerly wisdom making his title similar to a successful best selling novel. He has also changed his pen name to Tooloose Gruen: Sara’s furry sibling. He is working on getting a blurb from her. I suggested he might want to write the book, first but he is adamant on his networking strategy.

2. Talking about oneself in third person. Writers enjoy practicing point of view and implementing these techniques in their daily life. Notable examples include answering machine messages:
“Tooloose is unable to come to the phone as he is debating using second person plural for his monkey POV being inspired by Joshua Ferris and all. But when he has finished his reverie he will be sure to return your call.”
Of course this applies not just to writers but other artists as well.
“Van Gogh is indisposed at the moment hunting for his missing ear but as soon as he finds it he will call you right back…”

3. Writers take secret notes of what their friends say in conversation with the excuse that it would be great dialogue for a particular scene. Not only that they use their friends' personalities for characters and even their friends' or relatives' names with no compensation. Such a rip off. I notice Tooloose’s MC is named “Rub Elm” . He can’t fool me. I know what he’s doing…


Blogging Buddies I’m sure you all have even better examples of WV (Writer’s Vices). You are welcome to make your own contributions in the comments section…
Oops…I just noticed Tooloose just added a fourth one --
“Arogant an Pushee auters wo tink ther beg stuf and wo don pud enuf cat fud in bol and starv ther pur cats…”

9 comments:

Kanani said...

Other bad habits?

Mine...

Though I have a moleskine, I often use post-its to write cryptic notes which get stuck in the pages of my manuscript: Mld Slsa --turned out to be Mild Salsa, a reminder for the grocery store.

Use writing as an excuse. I don't like answering my phone and have told people "It's off between 8 - 6 so I can work." However, sometimes I'm just in the garden.

Use my cat and dog as a means to procrastinate. Enough said.

Pat --check your email.

ORION said...

I knew there was something I forgot lol!!

Holly Kennedy said...

Hmmm... I have too many bad habits to list or admit to publicly!

Stephen Parrish said...

Elbow patches. Just don't do it. Just . . . don't. And that pipe thing. Please.

Bookfool said...

I have a lot of bad habits, most of which involve avoidance technique.

That is the cutest photo!!!

Dawn Anon said...

ROTFLMAO!!

Demon Hunter said...

I'm with Holly...lol. ;-)

BClark said...

Bad habits, nawwww, not me. I am perfection personified, not. I have worked my way through bunches, and will probably develop a few more. As I am aging nicely I think I should be allowed to be very excentric.
That is a very loose cat.

Chris Eldin said...

AHAHAHAH! I loved the Seinfeld episode where that one guy kept talking about himself in the 3rd peron. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.