Two...count them. ONE - TWO days until I leave for London. "All my bags are packed...I'm ready to go..." NOT!
Okay so now we're going to talk about strange requests and the life of an author. The above shot was taken at the Celebrate Reading conference. This is Chad or Ted or Jason...whatever...
He didn't want his copy of Lottery signed...no...it would ruin it! He made it clear he was not one of those readers who dog-earred pages of novels or highlighted important phrases in text books -- Instead he asked me to deface his face. I complied. It was kind of like performance art. He had his friend take a photo and then voila! Instant signature, art, and fame. Well signature. At least until his shower that night.
Now there are the emails.
Some let me know I have been lucky enough to win the LOTTERY in Uzbekistan or Lithuania or France. All I have to do is send them all of my banking information, my social security number, and pay the taxes in cash. And then I'll get my money.
Others encourage me to order Viagra and other amazing pharmaceuticals that promise to increase the size of organs I don't even have.
But my favorite so far is my pen pal S.J. Joshi from India. He has been professing his undying love and adoration to me.
Over and over and over. All he wants (he says) is a signed photograph of me.
He couldn't be serious, I thought. I am after all a 54 er uh 55 year old woman. I doubted his love so I'm embarrassed to say didn't answer. His emails still came faithfully.
Okay...I decided to answer and I explained that I was probably not who he had in mind...he was confused...understandably so as when I look at the picture on my book jacket it IS possible someone could think of me in that romantic way.
I tried to soften the blow...
He still replied. Ignoring my attempts to stifle his love and admiration.
I thought maybe he's for real. Maybe I should google him.
Devastation. Betrayal. I stumbled upon the EXACT SAME EMAIL he sent to me but THIS ONE was sent to some musician-who-shall-remain- nameless.
I am bereft.
Tragically and utterly undone.
Here it is for your perusal:
"My Dear Musicians,
With due respect and humble submission,I beg to draw your kind attention that this is one of my countless attempts to reach you, and needless to say once again that I am an ardent admirer of yours.In fact,I am growing accustomed to your fame.
But now,it seems to me that you have decided,not to reply my letters of deep admiration,as this is one of my countless attempts to reach you.Please tell me ,is it good to break the heart,you are ruling?It's a pity! it's a pity! that I am still writing to you.In fact,you are my source of inspiration.That is why,I use to write to time and again despite your apathy towards me.Upon my words,you are absolutely unique and beyond compare.And you are my ideal of a perfect personality.
Therefore,I'll be grateful to you,if you please take the trouble of sending me your much awaited and cherished autographed photograph,for memento.Because when I'll grow too old to dream,I'll have this memento of yours ,to remember.Please take a very good care of yourself.
With high regards
Where did I go wrong? What could I have done to save our relationship?
I take my solace in the fact that I found out about his duplicity before I sent my photograph.
Before I became wholly involved.
Be still my pounding heart.
A tear creeps down my unsigned and unphotographed cheek.
I entreat my blogging buddies to cheer me out of my despondency.
I get to go to London.
I feel MUCH better...
PS (Check out ELLO'S Blog Wednesday "Dr. Gigi Durham, the author of the Lolita Effect, the media sexualization of young girls and what we can do about it, is guest appearing on ello's blog Wednesday to answer questions on this very important topic. It would be wonderful if you could help spread the word or at the very least stop by and be part of the Q&A discussions.")