I heard the sounds, went outside and looked.
A turtle is eating the seaweed growth off ORION. I went below got my camera and took his picture.
He is familiar to me as a beloved pet.
His name is not Yertle. It is not Fred.
Not Horace or Jacob or Jack.
When I find it, I will know it.
But for now.
He is Turtle with a capital T.
A place keeper. Like my protagonist's name.
Not the real one.
What is the real one, you ask?
I do not know but...
I will recognize it when I see it.
5:30 pm and 81 degrees.
I have been remiss. I have not shared the rules.
Not those pesky grammar ones, like lay and lie.
Not i before e. Not use said. Not eliminate thats.
Not use Times New Roman and 12 pt font.
The REAL rules.
The big ones that have to do with living life while you attempt to write.
I will cover household appliances first.
Rule number one.
Never try to write while having a major appliance repaired. You will be constantly interrupted.
Repairman: "Hey maam? Ya got a three quarter gud soot ploter gamer that'll take a nine eighths weasel snub?"
Me: "um...let me check..."
Rule number two.
These interruptions will be directly proportional to the number of words you WANT to write and inversely proportional to the number of active brain cells in said repairman's brain.
Two hours later after pulling out all tools.
Me: "I don't think I have one."
Repairman:" Ah never mind, I don't need it -- I used a ten inch garbweller drazzel hoot instead."
Rule number three.
Your repairman will be a frustrated novelist.
Me: "When will my refrigerator be fixed?"
Repairman: "Yanno, I should write a book about what I do."
Me: " I'm sure you should. When will you be done with repairing my refrigerator?"
Repairman: "Yanno I always wanted to write a book. I got a lot of ideas."
Me: (sobbing) "Please..."
Rule number Four.
A part will be required. It will be located in Greece, have to be carried by donkey to Italy, blessed by the pope at the Vatican and shipped to the Philippines by a leaking rowboat. It must be lost three times and reordered twice. When it comes it will be the wrong part.
It will cost more than installing a new appliance.
TO BE CONTINUED:
OK comments minions.
I need horror stories. Specifically APPLIANCE REPAIR horror stories.
How about a contest?
Just the genuine satisfaction you get by whining.
It doesn't get much better than this.