Tuesday, February 27, 2007

"LEAPIN' LIZARDS, SANDY! IT'S A FINE MESS YOU'VE GOTTEN US INTO NOW!"

FROM THE LAND OF THE MIXED METAPHOR

Here in Hawaii we are known for our geckos. Green. Brown. Speckled.
Tiny glue-like feet clinging to a surface loosening only when you pass underneath.
Falling onto some exposed body part or annihilating itself inside some difficult to clean machinery.
I've had them drop down my shirt, ricochet off my chest and bounce into pancake batter.
(Don't worry Gordon, I fished him out.) I am fairly certain 375 degrees kills lizard cooties.
So. What does reptilian shrapnel have to do with writing?
Well. Their tenacity for one thing.
They stick to everything those lizards.
Kind of like excessive adjectives.
Improperly placed adverbs.
And Homeric similes.

His hands slid into his gloves like a well-greased bearing inside a brushed steel wheel with a Goodyear MT Baja all terrain radial tire.
Wha?

75 degrees and 10 pm.
My nitwittery continues unabated. Hurtling unchecked down the proverbial highway of manic writing.
I like a good metaphor.
I love a bad one even better.
Similes make me smile. The more the merrier. The grander. The amazingly obtuse and the excessively obscure.
Hey Jude.
Allusions. Illiterate alliterations. Perturbations.
Okay.
I'm done now.
With my literary tantrum.
And this is all due to my reptilian inspiration: The lizards of Hawaii.
Long live the gecko.
The mighty mighty gecko.
So.
What inspires you to lunacy?

14 comments:

writtenwyrdd said...

I'm a moody gal. When I get giddy, it's often because of laughter. Mental sherbet to cleanse the palate, I guess.

I remember geckos. I'd have to take turns sleeping on a cot in the kennels (I was a military dog handler) and in our old kennel, the geckos were our friend. But in the office, there were always a good half dozen or more walking along the ceilings at night.

I used to watch them stalk each other. Pretty soon, a big one would have caught a littler one. If they were the size of crocodiles, we'd be inserious trouble.

Now there's a thought...can you imagine a croc with velcro feet hanging on your ceiling, watching you?

Bernita said...

I love a well-mixed metaphor.

Anissa said...

I love lizards! We have a colony living in the flower beds, though they're more the traditional green kind. The geckos stick closer to the house. Literally. Mostly in the garage and on the ceiling of the covered patio. I like to flip on the light at night and stare at their transparent bodies. Very cool. Haven't had one drop on me before...but I'll take your word for it and not pass under too slowly.

Maprilynne said...

My daughter wants and iguana . . . thanks a lot Dora the Explorer. *rolls eyes* 'Course, she also want a puppy, a kitty, fish, and a snake. None of which she's actually going to get.

Well, maybe the snake. I like snakes.

Almost as much as I love bad metaphors.

Mind if I link?

Sveral months back I posted a list (not of my making) of the "best" high school metaphors as voted on by high school teachers.

Personally, I think someone just made most of them up and one of them is blatantly stolen from Douglas Adams, but if you are interested, it's here . . .

http://apparentlyaprilynne.blogspot.com/2006/07/oh-my-goodness-i-laughed-so-hard.html

If you read Miss Snark, you probably saw it.

I loved this list . . . it's just too long to post here.

After you read it, come back to Pat! Got it?

Maprilynne

Maprilynne said...

Wow, that didn't work . . . try this.

http://apparentlyaprilynne.blogspot.com/2006/07/
oh-my-goodness-i-laughed-so-hard.html

Demon Hunter said...

Pat,
I don't have a problem with lizards, I just don't want them near me. If one fell on me, I'd probably run across the water, past your house in Hawaii, and to some other part of the world. I did that when a worm fell on my back when I was a very young kid; didn't like those things ever since. Yikes! LOL...

ORION said...

I also love the little guys. We don't seem to have them on our boat but I have hundreds in my tack room at the barn. Sometimes I find one squished between my saddle and saddle pad.
I let Ori-Yenta take care of them.
For a clue on who the heck Ori-Yenta is stay tuned.

Heidi the Hick said...

Squished lizard between saddle and saddle pad!!!!

gggyyyeeeeeesssshh!!!

He's got a gecko under his saddle blanket!!!!!!!!!!


Gah! I have found my lunacy for the day!!!

Sabrina said...

For some reason, there was a gecko in our bathroom the other night. I haven't the foggiest idea how it got there undetected. My mother was hopping all over the place.

And I happen to be a fan of alliteration, illiterate or not. ~grins~ My sister is crazy for puns, though. The 'I groaned that was so lame and very nearly painful' ones, even.

ORION said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kimber An said...

Oh, I love geckos. They're so cute. I want one of those, an iguana, and a chameleon.

canwag said...

This post brought back happy memories of my two years on Guam. They're everywhere there - there's no getting away from them. I was leery of them at first but when I found out what they do and how efficiently they do it I soon became charmed. (Demon Hunter - they eat all the insects in your house, including cockroaches that are twice their body weight.) I've had them fall into my hair, and when I try to gently help them out, they would usually leave their tails behind trying to escape. When I returned to the mainland, I grew lonely at night, waiting for their cheerful chirps from the dark corners of the room.

Kanani said...

Oh Pat...
You've brought back a great memory.
Please read it on my blog: Talk Story

Anonymous said...

A squished gecko between your saddle and saddle pad? I'm speechless. And almost afraid to ask--did you find him before you rode or (gulp) after?

Tish Cohen
P.S. I'm also a rider. Dressage. The worst we find in our tack lockers in Canada is a bit of mouse poop. Okay, once I found a naked Malibu Ken doll, but only the once.