WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD AND OTHER LITERARY CONUNDRUMS...

This photo is courtesy of my friend Jenice.
If there is one truth I have learned over the past year it is this. Constant blogging and finishing a novel are not compatible.
There are other things that are not compatible with writing and completing projects. Shall we list them?
1. A pile of dirty clothes. They rumble, they hiss, they scream out to be washed. Unfortunately this is sex linked because it doesn't seem to affect male writers.
2. A sink full of dirty dishes. The sound made is bubbly-gurgley and persists until resolved. Unfortunately this too is sex-linked.
3. The "what's for dinner" phenomenon. You guessed it. Sex linked.

I tried to find SOMETHING that wasn't related to the male-female thing.
I think I found one:

4. The 'play with the cat' phenomenon. Yep. Cross-gender and highly addictive. Also an insidious time waster.
Closely related to 'feed the cat', 'brush the cat', pick up the cat' and wipe up the cat's hairballs'

My research in this matter has derailed yet another potential productive day of writing.

YOUR BAILOUT DOLLARS AT WORK...

Check out the bright lights in the middle.


Yes an un-named (because I don't want to be sued) recipient of bail-out funds is having a RETREAT here in Waikiki...
OVERHEARD as we walked by the live band and celebration.

"DON'T BE ASHAMED TO BE HERE! YOU DESERVE IT. YOU ARE THE CREAM OF THE CROP..."

My husband and I looked at each other and I was compelled to take a photo with my iphone.

Yes, it IS stranger than fiction.

There's a book in here somewhere...

A SEA OF JELLIES...AND THE TROPIC OF SCAMMERS...

The sea jellies are coming... the sea jellies are coming...
Thought you'd all like to see a jelly orgy.

Now I have to apologize. I discovered that I am a scammer. Yes it is true.
I am responsible for all those LOTTERY-SWEEPSTAKES-LUCKY WINNER notifications.

I just got this email.

Dear Ms. Wood,
I have received a notification that I have received a significant sum of money from something called the Patricia Wood Awards Sweepstakes. When I rang a phone number before I would give any personal details, I was told the sweepstake was attached to your name. I was told I had won 350,000 Euros. As you can appreciate, it sounds too good to be true.
Could you verify whether you have any knowledge of this sweepstake organisation in your name? It runs out of an office in Madrid, Spain.

Thanks for your time,
XXXXXXXXX

okay. It's time to come clean. My minions are collecting money from unsuspecting readers.
And you all thought I was just a novelist.
MWA HA HA...

I must go now.
I have a 140 million dollar inheritance that must be claimed in Nigeria.
Laters...

WHAT YOU FIND WHEN YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING...

I was grocery shopping when I saw this.
1. I had to laugh hysterically
2. I had to buy them
3. I had to laugh hysterically at the check out counter
4. I had to save the box and use it for a pencil holder

Over the years I have discovered something about myself. My sense of humor is often times not the same as other people's. Things that elicit side-splitting guffaws from me typically make other people roll their eyes or at the very most smile ever so slightly.
hmmm...
Tastes vary. Even the books I choose.
Like now.
I'm struggling through Proust in my "spare time" because one of my characters has to read it. I hate when characters make me do things like this. They never make me go to Paris or stay at a spa for a month or eat chocolate.
No.
They force me to read Proust.
The verbosity and attention to detail doesn't bother me. No sir. I look on the bright side. Proust at bedtime beats both sleeping pills AND warm milk.
I'm out like a light.
I'm in the middle of volume one and have six more to go.
Are all characters this mean to their creators?
Tooloose thinks so.
That's why he works with alien space monkeys in his novels.
They're very malleable.
So what do YOUR characters make you do?