DUP DUP DUP DA DUP DUP OUT MY BACK PORCH...

Orion is in the thick of things now. From country ketch to city slicker.
Change is good. I'm inspired by change. I walked along the beach behind some tourists arguing about what to do next.
"This is our VACATION dammit! Enjoy yourself!"
"Hey don't blame me! I wanted to go to Vegas. You were the one who thought gambling was legal here. Remember?"
I wandered over to the Harbor eatery and overheard a couple of sailors moan about loosing a race due to pre-race celebrations and the alcohol consumed the night before because it COULDN'T be the women who beat them were better sailors. Nope. Never happen.
I trundled across the parking lot and watched a couple kids fishing for tilapia and catching an old net and getting REALLY excited about that. I thought to myself that's how I need to be. Happy no matter what.
So what am I doing now?
Cleaning out my refrigerator cuz all my soda got shaken up on the sail and exploded...
Ya had to be there...

Oh and THIS JUST IN an INTERVIEW WITH TOOLOOSE (I wondered what he was doing on my iPhone the other day...

EVERYBODY'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG...

On the top of a mountain somewhere in Hawaii...

A warm barn, an indoor arena, a grassy field and pasture? What more could two horses want?
So now the horses are happy in their new digs and Tooloose was jealous. Nothing would do but that he and girl kitty got into the act...brand new kitty carriers...



But now he's in the dog house - or rather cat house -
Last night I left the companionway open for a little air, turned my back and ?
No Tooloose.
I looked all over.
I finally found him strolling the dock and having a beer with friends.
"Where have you been?" I yelled. "It's late!"
"Oops!" he meowed. "Didn't mean to get caught caterwauling."

He ran around the deck twice trying to avoid me then ran between my legs back into the boat.
Bad kitty.
BAD KITTY.
He told me later he was just doing research for this new idea for a book he has. I told him to finish his first one but he says this new one's a high concept thriller.
He's calling it "Cat Out of the Bag." It'll be a series.
"Cat Nipped"
"Cat Napped"
"Cats Gone Wild"

I cat wait...

CHANGE IS GOOD...

ORION'S new slip is ready for her.


So what's involved when you want to move a 48 foot sailboat?

First you measure the actual length from "bowsprit to bumpkin." NOTE: A 48 foot sailboat is not 48 feet... she is more like 56 feet... kind of like when you answer that pesky little question about weight on your drivers license. IDEAL versus REAL.

Next you make sure the engine is good to go -- it's a long trip 5 to 8 hours and mostly beating (straight into the wind) - so you change the fuel filters, find a crack in the fuel line, get air into the engine and in the process and discover an acutely necessary $7 fitting that is no where to be had in the entire Hawaiian islands. This also involves much hand wringing (by the wife/first mate) and the discovery of the first corollary of sailing.
"WHEN THE ENGINE IS NON-FUNCTIONAL OR THE SAILS IN DISREPAIR THE WEATHER WILL BE PRISTINE FOR YOUR JOURNEY"

So then day after day passes...you are SO close. You get the fuel line repaired. The fitting arrives overnight four days later...oops...you need THIS fitting as well that is ordinarily found at Home Depot but...GUESS WHAT? Not today!
Suffice it to say much more drama and handwringing ensues...AND THEN?
The engine starts and purrs like the proverbial well fed feline. The sail covers are off. The boat ready to go and?
The discovery of the SECOND corollary of sailing...
"WHEN THE BOAT IS IN TIP TOP SHAPE AND READY TO GO THE WEATHER WILL SUCK BIG TIME."

And so ORION waits to shove off.
Stay tuned.

NOTE: For your information BETA READER BOB doubles as HANDY DANDY WEATHER ADVISOR AND DELIVERY CREW. Tooloose has opted out of the trip. He's miffed because HE wanted to be captain. He said it was his turn and Gordon was being selfish. Instead he's driving one of the cars to Waikiki and doing research on where exactly IS the best place for Mai tai's...

TAKEN BY MY iPHONE...

This was taken the morning of the tornado...I am NOT kidding...there was a tornado in Hawaii at 1 pm Wednesday and it was VERY CLOSE to me... it picked a golf cart up -although that could just have been the golfer's really good excuse for a Mulligan...I don't know.
Anyway I happened to be writing in my cockpit at the time so I missed it.
That's the lesson for today.
You can be busily writing while wonderful things are happening all around you-- that's not to say that a tornado is particularly a wonderful thing but it would have been cool to check it out -- instead I was "defragmenting" my manuscript.
Schucks...
I hope someone comes to get me when there's a Hurricane.
I'd really hate to miss that.

FIGHT YOUR INNER TROLL...

Take careful note... we each have one of these TROLLS deep inside us...

So I guess everyone has heard Stephen King's rant about authors he thinks are crappy writers.
I would like to respectfully disagree with Stephen. During the Honolulu Book festival I was on a panel that discussed what was "bad" literature and what was "good" literature and I suppose I'll now be black listed from further panels as I said there was no such thing as "bad" literature...Let me explain. There are so many tastes and levels of reading ability that there is something for everyone -- And I don't think there's some perfect arbiter that I'm willing to let decide for me what's good writing and what's bad writing. Now I know what I LIKE...interestingly enough it's rarely what my sister likes...now my husband and I have similar tastes but Tooloose is constantly buying alien space monkey science fiction magical realism love stories that I simply can't get into...I think you get my drift.
So I don't think it's right that an author says another author is a crappy writer in an interview...I think it's a really mean thing to do. It's HARD to write a book. I refuse to diss someone publicly. It's not right...
But if we see each other at a bar and you buy me a a couple of black Russians and a few Singapore Slings...well then...all bets are off.

HEY! WHO'S STEERING THE BOAT?

Today's subject?
Annoying writer habits – Those irritating idiosyncrasies that are immediately recognizable in OTHER writers.
My resource for this blog post is Tooloose the soon-to-be-famous aspiring writer.
Notice I’ve said “aspiring writer”. Tooloose has not actually successfully WRITTEN anything (that pesky absence of the opposable thumb). He is an “aspiring” writer, which is the level just under the “aspiring” author.
TOOLOOSE'S LIST OF BAD HABITS

1. Discussing writing, debating literary strategies, outlining the premise of the sure to be BIG BOOK but never actually putting anything down on paper. For example: Tooloose’s opus KILLER ALIEN SPACE MONKEYS DON’T GIVE WATER TO ELEPHANTS. You notice that Tooloose has incorporated the first rule of writerly wisdom making his title similar to a successful best selling novel. He has also changed his pen name to Tooloose Gruen: Sara’s furry sibling. He is working on getting a blurb from her. I suggested he might want to write the book, first but he is adamant on his networking strategy.

2. Talking about oneself in third person. Writers enjoy practicing point of view and implementing these techniques in their daily life. Notable examples include answering machine messages:
“Tooloose is unable to come to the phone as he is debating using second person plural for his monkey POV being inspired by Joshua Ferris and all. But when he has finished his reverie he will be sure to return your call.”
Of course this applies not just to writers but other artists as well.
“Van Gogh is indisposed at the moment hunting for his missing ear but as soon as he finds it he will call you right back…”

3. Writers take secret notes of what their friends say in conversation with the excuse that it would be great dialogue for a particular scene. Not only that they use their friends' personalities for characters and even their friends' or relatives' names with no compensation. Such a rip off. I notice Tooloose’s MC is named “Rub Elm” . He can’t fool me. I know what he’s doing…


Blogging Buddies I’m sure you all have even better examples of WV (Writer’s Vices). You are welcome to make your own contributions in the comments section…
Oops…I just noticed Tooloose just added a fourth one --
“Arogant an Pushee auters wo tink ther beg stuf and wo don pud enuf cat fud in bol and starv ther pur cats…”

YA KINDA SORTA HAD TO BE THERE...

What you find when you look...

The year was um er 1959? 1960?
I do know it was Mr. Hanson the fireman and it was a HUGE deal to have a tour of the fire station.
I remember I was acutely disappointed there was no dog. Nada. None. And I wanted to ride in the fire truck. I felt sure that would be part of the deal.
But we did get graham crackers and some sort of juice.
And we did get the picture. I have moved from place to place but this is a memento I've never lost.
So the contest is on.
Which one is me?
On your mark.
Get set.
GO!!!

GETTING IN THE MOOD...

This is one of the photos I'm using for inspiration for my next novel. I changed it to sepia and kind of like the affect.
I'm lucky I don't write SF. Imagine how hard it would be to get pictures of space ships engaged in battle or farms on Mars...or those twenty tentacled alien lobster monsters.
I often wonder how Tooloose does it as I think that's his genre. Well he doesn't call it SF. He prefers to think he's writing a pararomantiliterarlmystericalthriller.
I think he's doing it so he gets his very own shelf in the book store.
He SAYS he's ahead of his time and is a ground breaking artiste.
Of course it's all a moot point until he actually FINISHES it.
I tell him he's got to WRITE to do that and he just rolls his eyes.
Suffering for his art.
Always suffering.

HOPE IS A POWERFUL THING...

I used to live just outside of Washington DC in Alexandria Virginia while I was stationed at Ft. Belvoir. This was in the turbulent '70's.
I remember the monuments, the Smithsonian and the mall. I am there today in spirit.
This is a great day to be an American and from Hawaii.

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

There are some things in this world you just have to think about.
Like this...

Good afternoon, Dear Patricia.
My family and me are admirers of You. I beg Your pardon, but I have a request to make. I am one people who wishes the picture with Your autograph.
Thank You preliminary with great pleasure. I wish You happiness, good health and all success.
With love from Lithuania.
Respectfully Yours
Antanas Abromaitis
My complete address:
Antanas Abromaitis
Pasilaiciu 8
Vilnius
Lithuania

Now I have this other fan in India who keeps making the same request. I had no idea I was that popular. Of course I thought I was the only one...but when I googled these guys I found out they ask everyone for a signed photo.
Gee.
I feel bummed. I thought it was just me.
But I think I'll send one anyway...
This one entitled "The author and friend."

signed:
TOOLOOSE

FUN AND GAMES

What I do when I'm between projects...

I read REALLY FUN CHILDREN'S BOOKS
And I'm REALLY enjoying this one! You guys might want to run out and buy it...right now. Go.
My reading tastes are eclectic. From Kafka to Rowling. From Monk-Kidd to Merwin. From Simenon to Allingham.
I need a way to set my imagination free. Let it run wild. Reading Cchildren's books helps me do that. I even re read classics from when I was small.
When I finish with a draft and send it on to my agent I have to let that story go so I can come back to it fresh. See it with new eyes. So I figure out ways to start generating new ideas.

I'll even take breaks by line editing my other manuscripts. Something. Anything to keep me going.
New ideas. When you get them immediately write them down because if you don't, you lose them. Trust me.
My new idea is a story about sailing. About a man looking for a second chance. And a boat. It started with a giant "What if?"
I have other ideas but this one grabbed me. If you're wondering? You don't take hold of the ideas, they take hold of you.

And inbetween reading and writing and editing?
I do book clubs for LOTTERY on speaker phone and SKYPE.
How's that for variety?
So I interviewed TOOLOOSE and asked him where he got his ideas.
And he said:
thuts a ned 2 no basus.

But I suspect that he steals them from Girl Kitty.

I saw him taking notes.
He's like that.

BE AFRAID...BE VERY AFRAID...

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEEN SNOW BEFORE...I did last year at HOLLY'S HOUSE.

Lucky I bought a hat in Calgary cuz I used it when I had to shovel snow at my father's...

I admit it. I'm afraid of the cold. It's even hard for me to open the refrigerator. I use a down comforter in Hawaii at night.
So sue me.
Any way I got to thinking what everyone's afraid of.
After reading some of my writers' message boards I realized people are still afraid others are going to steal their manuscripts.
They copyright them...they mail them to themselves in an unopened envelope...they have other writers sign affidavits...
PEOPLE GET REAL!!! No one is going to steal an unpublished writer's manuscript. Unless it's to hold open a door. Or raise the level of a chair. Or use as mulch. Or firewood (actually this is really true. I know of an established author who burned unsolicited manuscripts in her fireplace during a particularly cold winter but that's an entirely different story.)
Anyway...There are LOTS of better things to worry about...your 401 K going into the toilet...who's going to win the next Dancing with the Stars...and whether they'll ever bring back Buffy the Vampire Slayer to primetime TV...
Oh.
And you can worry about why some unidentified person chose to put a completely wrong description of your book in EVERY SINGLE online bookseller in the UK...
Like they did for mine:

Lottery: The fortunes and misfortunes of Perry L. Crandall now offered in paperback--

"Britain's former prime minister is holed up in a remote, ocean-front house in America, struggling to finish his memoirs, when his long-term assistant drowns. A professional ghostwriter is sent out to rescue the project - a man more used to working with fading rock stars and minor celebrities than ex-world leaders. The ghost soon discovers that his distinguished new client has secrets in his past that are returning to haunt him - secrets with the power to kill. Robert Harris is once again at his gripping best with the most controversial new thriller of the decade."

Hmmm...

A prize to the person who tells me the title of the book this back flap copy is from...

So what are YOU afraid of?

PARIS HILTON, MINI-ME AND BOOK CLUB SELECTIONS

Okay maybe not Paris Hilton...but the other stuff is true.

Tooloose is over the moon. He got his very own Tiny Tooloose for Christmas so it's really quite impossible for him to work on his manuscript. He's busy carrying T.T. around. Grooming him. Trying to get him to eat (he's quite finicky).
But the UK edition of LOTTERY is out now! YIPPEE SKIPPEE!
And it's been chosen as the TESCO BOOK CLUB SELECTION for January 09!!!
The paperback of LOTTERY: The fortunes and misfortunes of Perry L. Crandall was released in the UK on January 1, 2009.



Lots to do. Lay in the sun. Swim. Listen to the waves lap against ORION while sipping a glass of wine. Thinking of all my relatives and friends slogging through the snow...

Oh yeah, and those other things...like New Year's resolutions...
working on those...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIRBORNE

Every January 1st thoroughbreds automatically turn one year older. Airborne is 27+ which is amazingly old for a horse. He's still being ridden and still jumps when the mood strikes him. I've owned him for over 20 years.

He's able to shy and bolt and unseat a rider even at his age. He's done everything from hunters and jumpers to musical kurs to combined training in his lifetime. And he's a mystery.
One that I'm trying to solve.
Thoroughbreds have an upper lip tattoo if they've been on the track. His is practically unreadable. I know his sire : Sensitive Music but little else except that he was most likely foaled in '81 or '82 and raced on the west coast until a bowed tendon sidelined him.
So I'm trying to research his lineage and race record with the help of the jockey club and my friends who showed with me in the '80's.
Why?
Because it's been a mystery for as long as I've owned him and it has something to do with my next novel.
And I want to find out.
It compels me this curiosity. The very same curiosity and desire that makes a reader not want to put down a book. That makes a reader turn each page until they get to the end.
That's why.
So here's to 2009.
And the solution to Airborne's past.
And we both wish a happy new year to all bloggers!
May you attain just enough of your goals to give you heart to continue but not all of them so you still have something to aim for.
Much aloha and see you next year!

LETITSNOWLETITSNOWLETITSNOW...

To those of you who guessed the Pacific Northwest you are right!

So I'm presently going back over those winter scenes that I wrote in Hawaii.
There are some things that are better to experience first hand.
Your breath condensing on the inside of your scarf making your face wet.
How cold starts from your thighs and migrates to your butt and how when you come inside your butt stays cold much longer.
Of course that might be a function of fat.
Hard to tell.
But other things.
Like hills. How hard it is to walk through deep snow.
Like the sharp smell of evergreen. The smell of the cold. The feel of frigid air in my nose.
The sounds of ripping chains against the slushy pavement and crackling wood fire in the insert.
Lots of things.
Like no matter how many pairs of socks you put on it isn't enough.
My tan lines are fading.
Help me...
Send sun.

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS PATRICIA WOOD?

HINT #1: It's NOT HERE...

So where am I? The state of confusion? The place of no return? The depth of despair? The pinnacle of euphoria?
It ain't Kansas that's for sure.
And it's not Hawaii.
HINT #2: I spent 2 hours shoveling cold wet white stuff out of a driveway.

AND consuming mass quantities of hot buttered rum which to a sailor is mother's milk.

HINT#3: Tooloose is nowhere to be found!

So bloggers guess away. The answer and more pictures to follow tomorrow!

RED SUNRISE IN THE MORNING WAS A SAILOR'S WARNING...

So this was what I woke up to.


I don't know if it's true or not but I'll let you know. It might have been a delayed warning about the weather we had LAST week.
But it did get me to thinking.
All those homilies and aphorisms that we hear...
"For example.
"That's a good way to lose an arm."
I mean really. Has anybody actually made a study of this?
And who do they test it on?

"Bad things come in threes."
Great. If it were ONLY three. But who's counting?

"What goes around comes around."
Now I in fact say this. But does this happen? Or is it just an obvious statement of physics?

I'm sure you bloggers can come up with a ton more.

I'm working on one right now. It has to do with Tooloose.
I came up with it right after he hurled into my packed suitcase.
"Cats have nine lives."
I want to check it out.

"Here Kitty Kitty..."

LUCKY WE LIVE ON A BOAT IN HAWAII (NOT)

So this is what a tropical storm looks like when you live on a 50 foot sailboat. First the wind blows so vigorously it smears the wet on the bimini (cockpit enclosure).


Then the rain pours so hard that you have to go on deck at 4 am and lay tarps. NOTE: It only leaks on MY side of the bed.




Then when there is a lull - you are lured out to take pictures of the brown-red water in the harbor and you stray too far and get caught by a squall and drenched.



So I'm writing in my cute little office in the forward cabin. The boat is tossing and heeling at the dock and my office chair rolls back and forth. I'm starting to get a bit sea sick. Girl Kitty and Tooloose are DEFINITELY experiencing 'mal de mer' in fact I've stepped in it twice...
So what's a writer to do?
Easy... I'm working on the part in my new novel where there's a storm...
It's like they say...
Write what you know.
So what's the weather like in YOUR neck of the woods?

A DAY THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY...

Happy Anniversary Pat and Gordon
From Tooloose

December 7, 1986.
Gordon chose it because being from Hawaii he knew he'd always be able to remember the date. And yes...he wrote the invitation as a day that will live in infamy and encouraged the guests to come in costume...which many did.
As an added enticement he added a line on the invitation saying that at least two of the Beatles or Henry Kissinger would attend.
Alas.
They did not.
But our horses Belle and Gofer had a great time. And we DID make the Everett Herald so there ya go.
Oh and my horse Belle (show name Pretty in Pink) and I also did the hunters at the Evergreen Classic. So Weddings and Hunters. What a gal.

Ah the eighties...
Interestingly enough my next book takes place in the eighties...
So Gordon and I will be holoholo (on vacation) this weekend.
And Tooloose will be in charge of ORION.
Uh oh.

I CAN HAZ MANUSCRIPTZ

Tooloose's Clazz on Book Publizity 101


Imagine if you will waking up to this visage staring at you.
So Tooloose has or rather haz this idea. He thinkz rather than him taking the time to actually write a book he can help you promote yourz.
So here it is.
TOOLOOSE WOOD'Z TOP FIVE ZECRETZ FOR AUTHORZ.

1. Replace the Z on your computer with a Z (Oppz already did that). This way the readerz will know you are on the cutting edge of literature.

2. Pay somebody famouz to carry your book around. Like Hulk Holgan or the little tiny pointlezz dog in all thoze dizney moviez.

3. Leave your book in reztroomz all over like at airportz and train ztationz and reztaurantz.

4.Zneak into Good Morning America or the Today zhow and do not get thrown out.

5. Write another book that iz better than your firzt one.


Zo there you have it boyz and girlz and azpiring writerz.

Now.

Where is the cat fud you promized me?

THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR...AND OTHER FANTASIES

I am thankful for being able to hold a rum and coke under one arm and tequilla and lime in the other.



I am thankful for Girl Kitty's abject honesty about how she REALLY feels about the salability of a manuscript.


I am thankful when I can avoid stepping in Girl Kitty's abject honesty in the morning before I have my coffee.


I am thankful that the cool gray fish with the triangular fin that the kid on the snorkle boat was tossing hamburger to WASN'T interested in "the other white meat."



I am thankful that I see the light at the end of the tunnel when I finish a first draft.




And sunsets.
I am most definitely thankful for sunsets.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING BLOGGERS!

What are you thankful for?

MONKEY TREE OHHH MONKEY TREEEEEEE...

Silliness is as silliness does...A new spin on on old Christmas standard.

So I been getting mail.
Lots of email. Some from readers. Some from writers and other authors.

And requests. I'm getting lots of requests that...well...defy explanation.

I OFFER YOU THE LATEST MISSIVE I'VE RECEIVED...

Bonjour ,
Je vous écris avec beaucoup d'hésitation ses quelques lignes pour vous
décrire ma situation.
En espérant trouver compassion auprcs de vous car cela s'impose r moi
vue la pénible et difficile condition de vie que je mcne présentement.
Mais avant, je tiens r me présenter r vous. Mon nom est madame ALESIA ATOLEVNA
MAROKINA, je suis de nationalité Russe et veuve.
Mon Epoux est décédé dans le désastre de Tsunami en Thadlande. Je suis
hériticre des biens de mon époux d'ou la somme de 4.500.000 de dollars
américains. J'ai en ce moment quelques difficultés avec ma belle famille
qui veut mettre la main sur certains biens.

AND THE BABLE FISH TRANSLATION...

I write to you with much hesitation its some lines to describe you my situation. While hoping to find compassion you because that impose me seen the painful one and difficult living condition that I am at present. But front, I hold to introduce to you. My name is Mrs ALESIA ATOLEVNA MAROKINA, I am of Russian and widowed nationality. My Husband is deceased in the disaster of Tsunami in Thailand. I am inheritor of goods of my husband or summons it of $4.500.000 of American dollars. I have in this moment some difficulties with my beautiful family which wants to put the hand on certain goods...

You have to hand it to them. They're persistent. It's just that I um...don't speak and read French all that well or any other language for that matter - including English...

And what's with men from India and Thailand asking for signed photos of a 50 + year old author?
What's up with that?

Inquiring writerly minds want to know.

LOREN FISKE FAN CLUB FOREVER

38 years ago me and a bunch of other slackers in High School made a perfectly innocuous guy famous.
Loren Fiske.
November 1970.
The day of the creation of the Loren Fiske Fan Club
I know it was this date as that's what's written on the back of the photo. It's one of those memories that you forget and one picture suddenly brings it all back. We were the Anti-Cheerleaders. The Anti-Jocks. The Anti-Student Body Presidents. The Anti Peggy-Sues.
And while we weren't exactly bad. We were the poets. The writers. The drama club. The artists.
We were BAD...
At least we wanted to be when our parents would let us.
Anyway we started a fan club. Actually if I'm correct it was Dave Overby that started it. And maybe Kevin Cobley. And then we all joined.
And the rest was history.
It was a stellar moment for us pre-geeks.
We had membership cards.
A special hand signal.
And caused great perplexity and cacophony during pep rallys by yelling "Loren Fiske...Loren Fiske...Loren Fiske..."
If we had been better organized I know we could have gotten him elected Homecoming Queen. Or at least Princess.
But that was a long time ago.
In a galaxy far, far away.
When I was young.

Can you spell N-O-S-T-A-L-G-I-A?

HOLO HOLO WITH ANTI-WIFE

I took Anti-Wife to my favorite Heiau in the mountains of Pupukea.


We talked about home remodeling, writing, how beautiful Oahu is, writing, how fun it is to go holo holo (play hooky), writing, what wine we should buy (white), writing, how Tooloose is even stranger than I describe him, writing, how much fun it is to sit on ORION and listen to the water, and oh yes...writing.

The conversation turned to Tooloose and his Alien Space Monkey Memoir...
We waited until Tooloose left the room.
Anti-Wife: "How's it coming?"

PW: "Not good. He needs several more revisions, has an enormous amount of tense errors as cats live entirely in the present. This becomes problematic in a memoir. Plus he's never actually been an Alien Space Monkey."

Anti-Wife:"Have you explained it to him? Talked to him about it? I mean he has a real advantage living with a published author."

PW: "I know. I know, but he doesn't listen to me. When I make suggestions he just says we disagree stylistically."

Anti-Wife: "It is hard when writers can't take constructive criticism isn't it? Maybe it's you. Maybe he'll listen to me?"

PW: "Here. Read his first prologue and see what you think."

Anti-Wife: "First prologue? What do you mean by first prologue?"

PW: "He's not using chapters. He's doing everything in prologues. You know. Prologue 1, prologue 2, prologue 3..."

ALIEN SPACE MONKEY MEMOIR BY TOOLOOSE STEINBECK SPARKS ROBERTS HEMINWAY STEELE WOOD

PROLOGUE 1

dem monkeeze am scaree. I iz one a dem too. I haz get space ship fast. eat fud. have no thumb lak dem so can not shut lazy gun.
play wit dem tails.
I no eat bananaz.


PW: "I know Anit-Wife. I cried too..."


Okay bloggers. Tooloose may listen to you. Can you give him a hand with his edits?

THERE'S A PLACE FOR US...SOMEDAY A PLACE FOR US...

I discovered another great way to procrastinate.
REARRANGE!

For years I've been writing on my salon table. It's too high. The seat makes my back hurt. I have to move everything for dinner time.
I needed a new place. My own space. And I found it right under my nose (so to speak).
It's where I used to keep the kitty box.
So Tooloose and Girl Kitty are out of the forward cabin and it's mine...mwa ha ha ALL MINE!!!!

So what's the big deal about having your own place to write you say?
It's comforting. It gets my stuff in one area. AND I CAN SHUT THE DOOR.
No more Tooloose strolling by to get help on his Alien Space Monkey Memoir.
So where do you guys write?
How do you procrastinate?
Inquiring authorial minds want to know.

THERE'S SOMETHING HOLY ABOUT SPONGES...

I'm a fan of the sponge.

Really. They're everywhere you look. In the ocean, lakes, swamps. And quite cool. Blender them up and they re-form themselves.
I'm envious.
The wreck of the Antilla was covered with these yellow tube sponges.
If I'm philosophical I can say as a writer I'm a sponge. Soaking up everything around me and then re-packaging it.
I'll be at the store and hear a woman talking on her cell phone and I find myself imagining the scenario. Of course it's not just her calling her husband to ask what he'd like for dinner. It's really she's calling her operative and giving them the password to defuse the bomb to save the world.
The man in the parking lot isn't trying to figure out where in the heck did he park his car. He's a mastermind criminal who's scoping out how to rob the jewelry store next door.
The two boys on their skateboards?
They're teenage vampires.
The old woman in line ahead of me in the drugstore?
Is buying cold medication to make meth.
I.
Can't.
Stop.
I try.
When I get home. I see Tooloose. Coming toward me.
Instead of a normal everyday cat - I see a powerful super hero animal that can - with one slinking rub with his body - turn a person into a zombie who waits on him hand and foot.
er...
Nevermind.
So what do YOU imagine?

KIALUA R. I. P.

I don't have a photo of Kialua. I walked past her every day. She was a trim classy little boat. Jaunty each time she left the harbour.
"Really salty looking," sailors would say when they saw her.


I chose a photo of sails to commemorate her. In this shot I was laying on my back on the forward deck. Not a smart place to be when flying a jib- but got a great photo.
Kialua ended up on the rocks at Makua.
It's not entirely clear how.
Engine trouble.
Sails up with an inexperienced person at the helm.
A sailboat's nemesis is the land. You having trouble? Head toward open sea. Stay away from the shore. But often times it just happens.
And a trim, dandy little boat meets its demise. Most likely they will not salvage her -- the diesel and oil will be removed and she'll be dragged off the rocks and sunk.
Home for budding coral and fish. A subterranean ecosystem.
A new paradigm if you will.
So give me a few words to help me remember.
Because there is a lesson in this. I am sure of it.
Value what you have at this very moment?
Joy is fleeting.
Soon it may be gone.
Like Kialua.

This just in...Pat from BAREFOOT sent me a shot he took.

Thanks Pat!

A FISH BY ANY OTHER NAME IS...WELL...STILL A FISH

A passel of Pisces.

They were staring me right in the face. Box 'o dead fish. In Curacao. The photo op was simply irresistible.
Would it have been everyone's choice?
No.
It got me thinking about literary choices. Why we write what we do. What makes an author create a character who swears like a truck driver (now don't get all offended you semi-drivers you)- when they wouldn't think of using the correct anatomical terminology for an embarrassing body part?
What makes an author write about criminals, serial murderers and rapists?
What makes an author write a happily-ever-after love story when they've been divorced six times?
Inquiring minds want to know.
So I looked around for a writer to interview.
I didn't have to look far. Tooloose was right there reading over my shoulder. He's been a bit fragile since I've been back so I felt I should humor him.
He was leaping around. "Me! Me! Me! Pick me! I have the answer!"

"Okay Tooloose what makes you write about alien space monkeys when you turn your nose up at bananas?"

"Tooloose stop chasing your tail and answer me!"

"hmm so you say that it's the fundamental aspect of being a writer- You write what you want to be?"

"Yes I'm familiar with that philosophy- don't patronize me -so am I to beleive you see yourself as a space monkey?"

"So you're saying you could think of worse things to be? Such as?"

"Well okay you've got me there... a cat hating water but living on a boat IS a good example."

At that point the interview was over. Tooloose got distracted batting around the rolled up crumbled pages that he had just discarded from his WIP "Alien Space Monkeys Do Dallas"

hey sometimes you got to let art flow over you...

CONQUERING MY ADDICTION AND SURVIVING

I have been Internet-free for 19 days and am a stronger person because of it. I hope I don't have a relapse -- we will see...
I'm now in South Beach Miami (I'll be at Coral Gables Books & Books tonight)
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT the Panama Canal trip now that it's over?

It was astounding. Seeing the miracle of engineering and perseverance.
It made me realize that accomplishing a closely held dream is one of the greatest things a human can do.


and ever since I saw 'Romancing the Stone' I've wanted to see Cartagena, Columbia. What a marvelous city. I am so into forts and ruins and souvenirs...
I snorkeled at a ship wreck off Aruba-it reminded me of home... you'll have to wait for the results as I had to use REAL film...

Curacao reminded me of Bergen.
And best of all?
SO MANY characters... SO LITTLE time... They were ALL on the boat.
I will select a few meaningful phrases over heard.

"Marge you don't have to take EVERY thing on the damn buffet...You SELECT...SEE? Look at my plate..."
"But George I don't want the chef to feel bad..."

"Look honey! Those are just like the dolphins at sea world! I wonder how they train them to jump like that out in the middle of the ocean..."

"Sweetie yes. If you fell overboard I would most CERTAINLY report it" (then after she walked away he added in a lowered voice "if not that same day then maybe the next..."

They're ALL going in my novel.
If not this one...the next.
Promise.

PUERTO VALLARTA, ACAPULCO, AND DRUG BUSTS...

The local color in Mexico was…well…colorful.

Our tour in Puerto Vallarto ended up being a pointless never-ending tour through impassible roads to …you guessed it…a tequila factory. One of those unscheduled stops that they don’t tell you about. Not rain, nor hurricane warnings nor rockslides would deter our guide (I think he worked for the Mexican Post Office part-time.

In Acapulco I found a great visual of how I come up with those secondary character names.

And there was something fishy about this market.



And what trip to Mexico would be complete without an authentic real live drug bust. Yes folks look carefully to your right. You will see soldiers, machine guns masked men and everything.
No. Don’t be obvious.
NO! Don’t let them SEE you taking pictures.
Hey! Wait! Stop!
That’s my camera…
My ID?
Yes sir.
No sir.
I will sir.
Cameras are very reasonably priced on cruise ships.
They are duty free.
Can you spell C-O-N-F-I-S-C-A-T-E?