ELLA...THE CONTINUING SAGA

So Ella's mother finally got around to showing Ella my BLOG ENTRY ABOUT HER ...
Take a moment to read Ella and her mom's comments...


The following conversation is third hand (related by my dutiful husband while filling the water tank).
Mother of Ella (hereafter referred to as M.O.E.) made the fatal error of reading outloud to Ella all the comments on my blog about her amazing journey up the mast.
Note* The size of Ella's head was said to increase exponentially with each kudo.

Ella considered everything carefully and had the following suggestion that I might post her telephone number on my blog so she could offer advice, counsel, and tell bloggers all about her other adventures in person...

M.O.E. stated her fear that Ella would now be unable to walk down the dock without hitting bowsprit after bowsprit with her enormous inflated ego.

So now we are offering a NEW BONUS SERVICE!!!
ASK ELLA
You post the questions and I'll run across the dock in my bare feet and get your answers fresh out of the mouth of the babe...
Yanno.
We ALL need a bit of Ella in ourselves don't ya think?

PATRICIA'S HORRIBLE TERRIBLE VERY BAD NO GOOD DAY

It started out kind of good. I got the hot-off-the-press trade paperback of LOTTERY in the mail which was keen.

Then I trundled over to the north shore and hopped on Baby Horse...

That was pretty cool too.
And then I got the brilliant idea to clean and fill the water trough.
Bad idea.
Bad.
Very bad.
Underneath the water trough (that looks suspiciously like a bath tub) there resided numerous denizens of the stingy-buzzy variety and they took exception to my intrusion.
Translation:
I was stung once on my hand, once on my arm and twice on my ankle by really irritated hornets...and you know Perry was right... The ones that hurt most ARE close to the bone.
Benadryingly yours,
The author formerly known as Patricia Wood and soon to be known as the woman who looks like she got a botox injection and not just on her lips...

COMING ATTRACTIONS: TRIBUTE TO MISS SNARK...AUTHORLY QUIRKS...BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER ADDICTION...AND MORE...

I found these online. Don't ask.
And no...I did NOT buy them...but I was tempted...

7 am and 78 degrees.
I don't do memes. Heck for ages I didn't even know what a meme was. There are, however, times where my lack of response to internet/email chain letters builds up to such an extent that I HAVE to respond.
I was asked to list my quirks, addictions and foibles. So here goes.
QUIRKS:
We all have them. I seem to have more than my share. Where shall I start?
I make an entire full pot of coffee every morning -- pour myself a cup -- take three sips -- it gets cold so I dump it out and pour a fresh cup. I may make four pots of coffee a day but I only actually consume two cups. Really.
ADDICTIONS:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER /ANGEL / SPIKE
I have the entire DVD collection. This is what I am doing while I'm supposed to be writing. I surf the net for news about Sarah Michelle Gellar and James Marsters.
I'm so lame.

FOIBLES:
Tooloose: Attending to his creature comforts and teasing him with my laser pointer.

ADDITIONAL BONUS QUIRKS:
I count things. I know this should be termed obsessive compulsive, but why quibble about details.
27 days until the trade paperback of LOTTERY is released.
22 days until I leave for London to attend the ORANGE PRIZE festivities.
13 days until I host a tribute to MISS SNARK for all of the snarklings.

Is there anything I'm forgetting?

Oh yeah...check out TOMORROWVILLE...

OH LOOK HONEY...A HERD OF PALM TREES GRAZING IN THE DISTANCE...

How peaceful they appear. SHHHHH! Don't move. You'll scare them.


There's a fun contest over at BENCH PRESS. Chris sent around some authorly silly questions a while back. Your mission is to match the writer with the response.
I read them again and ended up laughing hysterically cuz I couldn't remember what I said.

I had to clean ORION today. Our boat sitter (for when we're in London) is coming for the weekend for a practice run. Tooloose and Girl Kitty are kicked out of the forward berth. I moved their beds to the salon settee. I had to put a cushion between them so they wouldn't fight.


It's not that simple to boat sit. First of all you can't forget you're floating otherwise that first step out of the cockpit is a real surprise.

When you walk through the doorways you have to turn to the side or your shoulders will become bruised and you'll look like you've been in a bar fight.

The refrigerator is so small that when you open the door everything will come at you like there's a poltergeist inside.

And the head. What can I tell you about the head? It's so small you can pee, brush your teeth and take a shower all at the same time. This is not as convenient as one might think.

Then there are the sounds: The clicking of the snapping shrimp against the hull. The rumbling of the fishing boat engines as they go out at 5 am. The gurgle gurgle gurgle of the sump and the screaming bilge alarm.

And those little oddities...peculiarities...
For instance.
If you flush the toilet the stove turns off.

You can't use and microwave and the coffee maker at the same time or all the power goes off.

ORION has quite a sense of humor.
So how about you? Think Tooloose could whip you into shape to be a boat sitter?

TAKING A LESSON FROM TOOLOOSE...IT'S ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEE...

It's insidious. Compelling. I try to resist.
Try to be a reasonable person. A nice person. I ask how my friends are doing. How their kids are fairing in school. How the job is going. Whether they've ever been to London. Ever been nominated for the Orange Prize...Oh what's the Orange Prize you ask? Well let me tell you...

It's a voggy Saturday in KoOlina Harbor.
"How voggy?" I hear you ask.
Well...
THIS voggy.

Take a look at how fuzzy the Waianae Mountains are behind ORION. (I know those of you nameless-authors-in-the-trenches from CALGARY are laughing your ass off and saying "Those are NOT mountains...They're HILLS! And pretty crappy ones at that!"

Anyway never mind that. What you SHOULD be looking at are the brand new awesome sail covers ORION is sporting.

Can you spell D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-E-D?

So I was asked to send a signed copy of LOTTERY to an auction for a very good cause -- and I did but I TOTALLY forgot to sign it. I had to send another...

Can you spell B-L-O-N-D-E- M-O-M-E-N-T?

So let's move on. I'm supposed to be doing my very last homework assignment from Dr Brown's class, but I am blogging instead.

Can you spell P-R-O-C-R-A-S-T-I-N-A-T-I-O-N?

I see a hand raised. A question in the back. Yes?
"What's vog?"
You weren't paying attention. We covered that months ago. It's when the volcano (Kilauea) is erupting on the Big Island of Hawaii and it shoots sulfer gasses into the air and the wind shifts coming from the southwest blowing it over Oahu and ergo on MEEEEEEEEEE.
Can you spell S-E-L-F A-B-S-O-R-B-E-D?



ME: How did I do?

TOOLOOSE: You're getting better but you need to add even more things about yourself. How you feel. What you're going through. Being an author and all... People are interested. Really. Do you think this couch throw makes me look fat?

OF VIDEOS, BOOK CLUBS, CONFERENCES AND KINGS

Last week was wild. I started with one conference then ended with another, and had a few book clubs sprinkled in.


I think though, this is a first. A book club traveled to Hawaii and met up with me...well actually... they were visiting their member Dolores who moved from California. Their club decided to pick my book and who knew? Dolores lives within walking distance of the marina where I live!
I was fed well and they had to kick me out it was so much fun...I met up with them later when they were about to board a catamaran for a pleasure cruise.

As I said before participating with book clubs is beyond fun AND if it's not by speaker phone I get to eat good things.

Remember when I was talking about translators and foreign publishers? Well my Spanish publisher has really been proactive. Check out this...


Touloose was extraordinarily upset he was not asked to star in it.
In order to placate him I had to make him a tiny crown, tell him he was the king of the world, and take his photo.


And then when I was walking down the dock...
What did I spy?


Yes. That's right. An ORANGE dragonfly...

THE REAL INSPIRATION

What I did on Monday and Tuesday...PAC RIM CONFERENCE ON DISABILITIES
My buddy from the UK...

People from all over the world came together in Honolulu to talk about independent living, self determination, ADA, disability and human rights among many other things.

Often reviewers or interviewers will assume that LOTTERY was exclusively inspired by my father's financial windfall. They are so wrong. My experience as the daughter of a Lottery winner contributed about as much as my sailing experience and love of the water. They both added authenticity and texture to the real story. The one about Perry L. Crandall.
The real inspiration came from my years as a teacher, my brother in law Jeri, my PhD work and my involvement with the Center on Disability Studies.
Authors sometimes feel misunderstood. They sometimes feel people jump to conclusions about why they create a particular work of literature. Although I have written other manuscripts -- LOTTERY is my first published novel and yet it is indicative of my goal in writing: To give voice to those who are marginalized by our society.
Being at the conference gave me hope and reaffirmed my belief that literature is important and necessary for our souls to grow.
I gave a talk about telling the truth through fiction -- not a new concept -- it is a powerful way to develop empathy and to change attitudes about what we consider "normal" and capable.
I am still processing everything that I learned from the people I met.
So writers?
Consider peopling your story with those of all abilities.
And readers?
When a novel touches you & takes you to that special place -- let the author know their words have done their job...

ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS

2008 ORANGE PRIZE SHORT LIST
Recognize that last name?

My publisher William Heinemann TOTALLY ROCKS.
They said it with flowers...


Congratulations to the other shortlisted authors:
Nancy Huston Fault Lines
Sadie Jones The Outcast
Charlotte Mendelson When We Were Bad
Heather O’Neill Lullabies for Little Criminals
Rose Tremain The Road Home

EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT RISK...I LEARNED FROM MY FRIEND ELLA...

WARNING: Don't try this at home.
My neighbor Ella is 6 years old. She's my hero.

Risk. Or maybe RISK. Or RISK!!!!!!!! Ella's an expert and I am the neophyte.

"Aren't you afraid?" I ask her.
She gives me that universal look all 6 year olds have. "Yes." She giggles.
"You do it anyway?" I persist.
"Yes." She giggles even louder, leans back and sticks her tongue out and wriggles it.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"The wind." She says. "I'm tasting the wind."
"What does it taste like? Ice Cream?" I ask.
"No. No. No." She shuts her eyes, shakes her head and laps like she's a kitten. "Like wind." She says this as if I am the silly one. I, who am on the ground watching her entwined in the rigging.
"What if you fall?" This question provokes the most laughter.
"I get wet." She says. "I get wet, silly." She rolls her eyes at me. I can't really see this, as she is too high up in the ratlines, but I can tell by her tone this is what she's doing.
So.
I'm taking a page out of Ella's book, so to speak. I will not fail for want of trying. For want of taking risks.
The air is choked full of writerly inner dialog.
NOIDEAWHATTOWRITEABOUTCANTWRITENOTIMEWHATIFIT'SAWFULWHATIFTHEYHATEITWHATIFIFAILWHATIFIFAILWHATIFIFAIL...



So Ella comes down and plays on the lines scampering up and down like a human crab.
And yes.
She does fall in.
Falls backwards with her eyes to the heavens.
Falls in with a giant splash.
Comes to the surface.
And laughs.

ANOTHER REASON WHY I DON'T GET ANYTHING DONE...

Or another beautiful day in paradise. 77 degrees. 9 pm.


Things that must be done before starting to write for the day.
Clean papers off settee and straighten cushions.
Lift Touloose off computer.
Turn on computer.
Make coffee.
Turn on cell phone and sit down in front of computer.
Push Touloose off computer.
Answer emails.
Get up and fix coffee.
Take first sip and feel human again.
Kick Touloose off computer.
Attempt to put keys back in the correct positions after Touloose's claws dislodged them.
Get up and pour another cup of coffee.
Throw Touloose off computer.
Realize notes were in stack of papers that were removed from settee. Lift Touloose off papers. Find notes.
Pour another cup of coffee.
Hear loud engine in next slip. Go up on deck and see boat careering toward stern of ORION. Push off boat and help couple tie up to dock. Listen to wife complain about husband. Listen to husband complain about wife. Agree with both.
Go back down below. Toss Touloose off computer to the floor and then feel bad and play with him with the laser pointer for the next 20 minutes.
Dump out cold coffee and pour fresh cup.
Shove Touloose off computer.
Drink coffee.
Drink LOTS of coffee.
So what about you?
What are your morning rituals?

IF IT'S MONDAY I MUST BE SITTING IN MY COCKPIT DRINKING COFFEE...

76 DEGREES AND 7 AM

WHAT I AM DOING NOW:
Trying to revise, write, edit my next WIP and finish my homework for my last class for my certificate in disability studies.
WHAT I WANT TO DO:
Start ORION'S engine, loosen the lines, cast off and motor out of the harbor. I want to raise the main sail or maybe just use the jib as there's not much wind today.
I would rather be sailing. I'd rather anchor just off shore at our favorite place and snorkel and swim with the dolphins.
But I'm not.
Life gets in the way of what you want to do.
But not for my beta reader KEVIN. He's my neighbor here at the harbor-- I turned him on to blogging and that's a good thing. Check out his videos. Kevin designs houses and teaches Vectorworks all on his catamaran.
Let me know how you like his videos. He has several on his blog. Make him happy by commenting.
We both know what it's like to have work to do but be tempted by the ocean and the winds.
So now it's back to work. I have to create some difficulties for a few of my protagonists so they don't get complacent.
And then I'm going swimming.
Ah the life of a writer. It's tough but somebody's got to do it...

LOST IN TRANSLATION...

OR A LOTTERY TICKET BY ANY OTHER NAME MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A GROCERY STORE RECEIPT...

7:44 AM and 76 degrees. Another chilly morning in Honolulu.
One of the most interesting things about having a novel published in other countries is working with translators. For those of you who are unfamiliar with how things work. This will be a quick tutorial (those familiar can skip ahead to the end-of-chapter quiz).
My novel was sold to Putnam and they bought only North American rights (English) so LOTTERY has been sold to other countries (Italy, Israel, the Netherlands, England, Sweden, Japan, Portugal, Korea, Spain, Finland, China, Taiwan, Russia, Romania...well you get the picture...)
When a country buys a novel they are responsible for doing the translation. And that's when it gets REALLY fun and fascinating.
I love language (of course I'm a writer!) so it's interesting to me to see how this is all done. Many times the author is unaware that the translation has been completed. For instance my Dutch publisher translated Lottery and I didn't know a thing! I sent a Dutch copy of LOTERIJ to my cousin Helge in Norway - who read it and pronounced it wonderful. The Dutch translator just made a minor alteration -- they changed my horse's name on the dedication page from "Airborne" to "Piloot". I like "Piloot" a lot and may name my next horse that.
My Swedish translator just needed to know whether my aunt (mentioned in my acknowledgments page) was my maternal aunt or paternal aunt as in Sweden there are distinct names for each. I thought that was remarkable.
My Korean publisher asked me to write a preface for my Korean readers and that was great fun...
But I have to say my most enjoyable experience so far has been being able to work with my diligent and brilliant Japanese translator Sayuri Kobayashi.
We both discovered that some of my words needed clarification. For example how would you all describe the Lottery ticket above in a way any reader anywhere could visualize it?
Washington State lottery tickets come in strips and you get two chances to win for each dollar paid. The ticket above is like the one Perry bought each week. It's five dollars worth of lottery tickets but just on one piece of paper. For those older people (like me!) the first lotto tickets were a single ticket that you scratched off and exposed your numbers...times change... and with the advent of computers the Lotto tickets changed as well...I digress...
And there were other things.
I had to explain when Gram expressed disgust "Mild Schmild!!! Education Schmeducation!"
Schmeducation is NOT in the English dictionary as Sayuri found out...
How would you translate that?!
Any of you who have grandparents who use colloquialisms or local turns of phrases can easily see how complex this can get. The translator then has a really important job to not only be true to the author's intent but allow their readers to understand in that particular language.
I have a lot of respect and admiration for translators who work with literature.
It's hard work. How do you translate slang?
And jokes!
How do you translate puns? And word play?
EGADS!! Wait. How do you translate this?
It's enough to make you want to pull your hair out...or shave your head... or tug your tresses...
Get the picture? um well er (Now how do I translate THAT!?)
So this post is to Sayuri san and all my other wonderful translators.
SAYURI SAN WA
SUBARASII HON YA KUKA
DESU!!!!

YOU ALL SO TOTALLY ROCK!!!
Now that can be understood in EVERY language!

"WHEREVER YOU GO...THERE YOU ARE..." BUCKAROO BANZAI

GET A COMPASS, PREFERABLY A SILVER ONE!
Holly Kennedy's next book is out April 1, 2008.
THE SILVER COMPASS
This is number three. Her first one was THE TIN BOX and then her second was THE PENNY TREE (Booksence Notable) and now THE SILVER COMPASS
SO...
I thought it fitting to use a quote from my all-time favorite movie. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension
(Wherever you go? Compass. Direction? Get it?)
Why is this fitting? Why is this my favorite movie? And why should you care?
What does writing books have to do with Buckaroo Banzai? Particle Physicist...Rocket Scientist...Neurosurgeon and Rock Star? (A guy after my own heart considering my career history)?
It's this.
Each time I rave about how wonderful this movie is and play it to anyone who happens to be my best friend at the time - They hate it. They roll their eyes. They fall asleep. They decide they have to go home at 10 PM on a Saturday night and clean their bathroom or something...well not everybody...but most everybody...
I eventually decided that liking this movie would be my main criteria for selecting friends...if they understood the phrase "PENNY GET OFF THE PHONE" or "WE WILL NO LONGER BE SELLING LITHIUM ON CREDIT"
It was why I married my husband. It was his favorite movie too...
So....

With Holly's book released and Lottery trade paperback soon to be out AND everything else going on, I thought I'd talk about a DIRTY LITTLE SECRET...
Ha!
I got your attention now. You won't know anything about it until you've published your first novel. Are you ready?
Okay.
Not everyone will like your book. Just like the fact that not every body loves Buckaroo Banzai.
GASP! There. I've said it.
Let me tell you I was thrown for a loop! Now REALLY!
How a single offhand comment on Goodreads calling me "full of myself" because of a required letter to the booksellers placed at the front of my ARC could send me into a dither of self analysis and straight to a couch and talking to a shrink...well maybe I exaggerate...
I did however stumble upon a vociferous online debate by readers (none of whom actually read my book) -discussing that between Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time and Forest Gump --we don't need any more books about people with mental challenges...especially ones who win the lottery... thankyouverymuch.
Maybe I'm a tad sensitive...maybe I am too self absorbed.
Maybe it's NOT all about me (I highly doubt this but I included it just to be on the safe side)
My friend Holly had great advice:
"Get used to it. Ignore it. And get back to writing that next book."

Okay...

Now I'll get my tongue out of my cheek and my hand off your leg and stop pulling.
As a writer you can rationalize and understand intellectually that your book will not resonate with everyone.
We know this but they never tell you in new-author-school that people will have strong opinions about your book even though they haven't necessarily read it. That people will talk about your book's cover in great detail but not the content.
Too bad. Move on.
It's true.
*Breathe*
All right. My soap box (the diatribe not the derby) is well and truly done.
I got it now.
Not everyone will enjoy my book.
There. I said it.
But like when my seventh grade teacher told me, "... everybody in the world dies...no one lives forever..."
I really thought that I would be the exception...

THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA...

At least that's what my mother always said each time a boy broke up with me...

I didn't believe her until I moved aboard ORION and discovered that yes, there ARE plenty of fish in the sea...
While I have my feet up and devour bonbons as it is SPRING BREAK I will wax philosophical.
The characters in my current novel are wildly uncooperative. They are totally unmanageable. Was it something I said? Was it something I did? Maybe I was too lax. Too permissive.
My husband said I needed to take a firmer hand with them when they were younger.
"Look at HOLLY KENNEDY'S characters!" He said "They don't act like that."
It's true.
Other author's characters are exemplary citizens. They're passing their classes. Attending good universities. Marrying excellent spouses who are doctors and lawyers.
Not mine.
Mine are spending nights going from bar to bar. Sleeping until noon. Unemployed or in the process of getting laid off.
No morals. Untrustworthy.
I know for a fact they're stealing from me. I had a twenty-dollar bill in my purse just yesterday and now it's gone.
What's a writer to do?
I've sacrificed everything for them and this is how they repay me.
I have WAY TOO much imagination today.
Anyway.
It's just like the fish. There are plenty of characters out there to choose from.
I think it's time to turn mine back in and pick out another batch.
What about you?
How do you punish unruly characters?

THE G-4 POWER MAC IS DEAD...LONG LIVE THE NEW MAC BOOK WITH POWER SURGE PROTECTION AND BACKUP...

OPEN LETTER TO MY COMPUTER WHO CRASHED...
Dear EX-Mac,
It's been a week now without you. I can't help but think you will regret this decision of yours. Sure we were used to each other. Sure we started to take each other for granted but you never gave me a chance to do back up or even go for counseling...
I miss all my emails...my thesis proposal (that was a real unnecessary and petty retaliation on your part). I appreciate that you at least gave me the courtesy of allowing me to have all my manuscripts on thumb drives but losing my homework for my very last PhD class? That was below the belt.
What ever happens with the rest of your life -- I hope you are happy with your choice of the mac tech service person -- Dustin is his name? If you ask me you'll regret it.
Oh and I haven't let myself sit around and mope. No sir! I'm going out with a new guy.
Here's his photo.

He's a LOT YOUNGER THAN YOU!!!! And has MORE THAN ENOUGH GIGS to satisfy me. His cord is MUCH MUCH longer than yours but you know what they say...it's not the length of the cord -- it's the energy that goes through it and he has plenty for me.
I want you to know that I have no hard feelings...really...other than I hope you rot forever in a pile of used computer parts I will try to be amicable as we did produce several wonderful projects together.
By the way LOTTERY will not be speaking to you ever again. He is really more my child than yours no matter what I can always depend on HIS support.
Good bye forever,
(oh and no matter what you say I KNOW it wasn't a power surge that lost me your love -- I remember those advertisements for Mac-Made-Easy that you left laying around. I should have been suspicious then but I thought you would NEVER EVER crash on me.
I was SO wrong.
Good bye and Aloha,
You can send all correspondence through my agent Dorian Karchmar of William Morris Agency. I WON'T be returning your calls.
Patricia Wood

My therapist thinks writing this letter will help me cope. I feel better already. For any of you bloggers who think I may have lost your emails please DO email me at Patricia@patriciawoodauthor.com
Sympathy cards can be sent to me care of William Morris Agency.
Oh.
And a huge HUGE congratulations to all those who were long listed for the ORANGE PRIZE for fiction:

Anita Amirrezvani The Blood of Flowers
Stella Duffy The Room of Lost Things
Jennifer Egan The Keep
Anne Enright The Gathering
Linda Grant The Clothes on Their Backs
Tessa Hadley The Master Bedroom
Nancy Huston Fault Lines
Gail Jones Sorry
Sadie Jones The Outcast
Lauren Liebenberg The Voluptuous Delights of Peanut Butter and Jam
Charlotte Mendelson When We Were Bad
Deborah Moggach In The Dark
Anita Nair Mistress
Heather O'Neill Lullabies for Little Criminals
Elif Shafak The Bastard of Istanbul
Dalia Sofer The Septembers of Shiraz
Scarlett Thomas The End of Mr Y
Carol Topolski Monster Love
Rose Tremain The Road Home
Patricia Wood Lottery

I'LL NEVER FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT EATING AN ORANGE AGAIN

CHECK IT OUT.

THIS JUST IN!!!!!
Sarah Michelle Gellar has bought the film option to LOTTERY
I am SO much a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer!
And that folks is just another Tuesday on ORION...

DO DO THAT VOODOO THAT HOODOO SO WELL...

According to Native American mythology these sandstone pillars were malevolent monsters turned to stone. Holly Kennedy says they are called Hoodoos. She is most likely lying.
I on the other hand considered them another opportunity to jump up and down in the front seat and beg Holly to stop the truck.

Then there were the Three Sisters we saw in Canmore. I had to pull the key out of the ignition here.

Which was another opportunity to insist that Holly pull over to the side of the road. She didn't slap me hard.
And then?
We had a book club discussion in Silver Tip.
It took a bit to get the crowd to settle down. They were really into rough housing.

During the reading they were quiet.Holly really knows how to get a group paying attention.

When we finished they didn't have any questions and left without buying any books...
what a rip off.
Holly apologized for driving off and forgetting me. I was lucky it was only three miles to the closest Starbucks...
How far would YOU walk for a skinny venti latte?

K-K-K-KANANASKIS AND K-K-K-KOUNTING...

I'M K-K-K-KOLD...

This is Elbow Falls where Holly will go with her dog, sit on a bench and edit. How can you not be inspired to write here?
I loved it so much I wanted a photo of myself in front of the falls.

This is just before Holly accidentally dropped her sunglasses over the edge. It only took me three trys to retrieve them. I totally understand why Holly had me ride back home on the roof. I was pretty wet.
The Doctor says I should regain feeling in my fingers and toes soon.
Thanks to Chumplet for the advice about the leafs. Too late. I bought a shirt on sale at the Calgary Airport. I figured showing my love of hockey would be a good thing...Although I didn't know Toronto wasn't in Aberta.
Hmmm...maybe THAT'S why I was attacked and wrestled to the ground in the parking lot at 7-11...

CALGARY...THE GATEWAY TO HOLLY'S HOUSE

10:20 pm and 46 degrees. Yes. That's right. FORTY-SIX.

I had to take the photos of the horses at the Calgary Airport.

Before I left Seattle I had an amazing discussion with the Northwest Airlines book club. Good food. Good conversation. Good questions. These ladies totally ROCK!



Okay now I'm in Canada. I had to go through customs. As soon as I saw the dogs I got a little nervous. I mean really... what if tooloose got the bright idea to sneak a little contraband catnip in my suitcase?
Customs lady: Why are you here in Canada?
Me: Uh...er...um...I'm visiting.
Customs lady: Why are you visiting.
Me: Uh...er...I'm visiting my author friend...uh...er...because uh...I like her?
Customs lady. What is your friend's name.
NOTE* The customs lady is looking at me very sternly and motioning the dog over.
Me: (hopefully)Her name is Holly Kennedy. I'm an author too.
Customs lady: Did you bring your books?
NOTE* customs lady is frowning and I start sweating. She is OBVIOUSLY not a reader.
Me: uh...yes...er...no...uh...just one book...uh...to give her for like...uh a present you know...Doesn't anybody give you presents? Ha ha. (Laughs weakly)
Customs lady: (Not laughing)where does your friend live?

(Okay readers I have to say that I COMPLETELY had a black out temporary loss of memory)
I said um and er and gee and then took a guess.
Me: She lives in Calgary? (I figured since that's where I landed it would be a good guess.)
Well she let me go but I could tell she was reluctant...
Stay tuned for MORE adventures in Canada. Oh and I am really lucky Holly picked me up as I never took Canadian in school. Holly speaks fluent Canadian.
I'm learning.
eh?

SEA URCHINS...THE OTHER YELLOW MEAT

Physics problem number one:
If it's 4 pm and 78 degrees in Hawaii...how cold is it in Calgary and when will train A's path intersect with train B's.
And which DID come first? The chicken? Or the Egg?



Creature of the week:
The Sea Urchin. This is an unusual one. I think it's called the roughened sea urchin. It looks how I feel. All prickly.
I catch a plane in...5 hours and 3 minutes...
I get to visit my sister in Gig Harbor and sign some books for the Borders there and then I am ACTUALLY GOING TO EXPERIENCE WINTER.
Yes. It's true. I am going to Calgary, Canada. The land of the very cold people. I will sign some books and be entertained by Holly's family. I can hardly wait.
Holly promised me warm clothes.Boots. A warm bed. Food to eat. And two young children to torture. She also said I could play in the snow.
What could be better than that?
I will blog on the road.
Maybe Holly and I can having dueling blogs.
You'll find out what authors talk about when they get together...
So. My suit case is ALMOST packed.
What should I be sure to bring? And what should I bring back?

THROUGH THE WATER DARKLY...

When is something the truth and when is it false? When is a memoir a lie? We all have ideas on what has happened in our lives. We are all prone to exaggeration. Or are we?

I just read about another memoir in publishers marketplace HERE that has been shown to be untrue.
This is why I enjoy writing fiction. I admit it. I love to exaggerate.
"It must have been over 1000 degrees in that room!!!"
"We were stuck in traffic for HOURS!"
"I was in labor for DAYS!!!"
"That dress looks great on you."
"No I didn't take the last chocolate."
"Sure, I think you've lost weight."
I think you get what I mean. The things I haven't done?
Tell someone I've been in a country that I haven't.
Lied about where I went to school or whether I graduated.
Lied about my age.
Okay maybe not.
Lied about my wieght.
Okay maybe not.
But I haven't lied about anything IMPORTANT. Like if I read a book when I haven't...
Okay maybe that was a bad example.
So what do you think? What's the difference between enhancement and a lie?
Is exaggeration and embellishment a problem?
Inquiring minds want to know.

And while you're thinking...Here's a way cool photo of the book club I chatted with on Tuesday.
Mr. Taniguchi's ITE 314 class from the University of Hawaii. The discussion was lively and we had a grand time!

I think they all voted that three venti lattes was WAY TOO much for the author Patricia Wood...

WHAT IT'S LIKE LIVING IN HAWAII ON A BOAT...OR...I BET YOU DON'T HAVE AN ENGINE ROOM IN YOUR HALLWAY

The guts of ORION.


I've had several readers and writers request that I post about what living on a boat is like.
Well.
Okay.
Fine.
But I don't know what the big deal is. I mean, it's just like a house. Really. One that when you step out the front door you plunge into a pool of diesel laden saltwater over your head.
One that requires more maintenance and money than a 16 year old girl at her first prom.
One that could sink up to the second floor bedroom windows.
One that shifts up and down. Back and forth. And periodically escapes and bumps into the neighboring residence.

"It moves?" You ask.
Well, yes. It moves.
"All the time?" You ask.
Well, yes. All the time.
During storm surges and high winds we're heeling right at the dock.
At night I hear water lapping and the bilge pump going on at quiet moments. This is comforting because it reassures me I will not wake up below the water line.
The fantasy of living on a boat usually requires a glass of wine, a sunset, a cute deckhand in short shorts and lounge chairs next to the helipad.
The reality?
A grumpy husband with his s*** covered armpit deep in a toilet that ceased to function at 3 am or me filling a water tank at 11 pm with shampoo in my hair and a bathrobe covering a soapy body.
Take your pick.
And then a green sea turtle paddles over and begins munching the seaweed on the hull. The morning sun sneaks upwards and lights the Waianae Range and we both lean against cockpit cushions and sip our hot coffee.

It's the best of times. It's the worst of times.
Wait. I think that line's been taken...
It's just so totally cool.
Oh er...I guess that's been taken too.
Kay Den
This blog is now open for questions.

A FEW NEW BOOKS OUT THIS MONTH BROUGHT TO YOU BY TOULOOSE

TOULOOSE THINKS EVERYBODY NEEDS TO READ MORE AND THAT OVERALL BOOKS NEED TO BE SOFTER...


It's so exciting to have bloggers and cyberfriends find success!
I thought I'd ask Touloose to do a few reviews - here are some of his favorites out this month that I hope you will check out.
Obedience by Will Lavender

Kirkus gave Will's book a fabulous review. Touloose gave it two paws up but thought it needed more cats.
Will and I are AW (Absolute Write) buddies and he's always there to hand out advice to new writers.
Another author who offers advice to new writers: Therese Fowler. Her book Souvenir was first published in the UK and now makes its debut here this month.

Therese's book deals not just with romance but controversy as well. Right to die issues make for contention and being involved in disability studies I have been on both sides of this discussion. Therese's book provides much food for thought.
Touloose also gave this book two paws up but reflected that the story would have been even better if the main character had been a cat.
Blogger Carleen Brice also has a book on the shelves.

Orange Mint and Honey was called an "accomplished debut" by Publisher's Weekly. Touloose thought that again cat's were not emphasized enough in the plot and suggested adding several would have given the book more tension.
So here are three books you can add to your
TO BE READ pile.
THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN APPROVED BY TOULOOSE AND REFLECTS HIS PERSONAL OPINIONS AND NOT NECESSARILY THE OPINION OF BLOGGER.
Happy Reading

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR...

First the good news. I live in Hawaii. It's warm.

That bad news?
Read on.


This is my Rolodex of foreign rights contracts. These are only slightly more complex than putting a human on the moon or designing a perpetual motion machine. Or maybe inventing hot fudge sundaes with only ten calories...
10:21 and 76 degrees.
Here's where a writer can get stymied. I'd really rather be writing but er uh the Tax Man cometh. Or is that the Ice Man? Hmmm.
I'll have to straighten out my theater references.
The day to day reality of business can get in the way of artistic creation.
I designed this handy dandy book o' receipts. It had places for each month's expenses.


January 2007. All papers and receipts went in the book immediately. Entered neatly. Totaled.
February 2007. After a few days delay. I gathered Februarys receipts up. Entered them a week later.
March 2007 I totaled February receipts and stuffed March's into my purse.
April 2007 I put March receipts from my purse to the nav station table. April receipts? Where the heck did I put April receipts?
May 2007 Found April receipts in forward cabin being used as cat beds.
June 2007 Life is good.
July 2007 No worries.
August 2007 What are all these papers doing on the nav table and in the forward cabin?
September 2007 What are all these papers doing in my purse, on the nav table and in the forward cabin?
October 2007 Somebody scared me by dressing up as an IRS auditor on Halloween. Hmmm. Maybe I should think about...nah...there's plenty of time.
November 2007 I love Turkey. What are all these receipts doing in my oven?
December 2007 I love Christmas. What are all these receipts doing under my tree?
January 2008. uh oh.
Find handy dandy Book O' Receipts that has lain dormant for nine months.
Find receipts in drawers, on tables, under tables, in purse.
Spend month of February sorting, filing, adding, printing, remembering.
INTERESTING FACT:
Do you know that charge receipts fade after only a few months?
So back to my work in progress.
Oh.
My receipts are now being carefully filed by Touloose.
Every cat needs a part time job.

YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE...OR...WHERE IN THE WORLD IS THE AUTHOR PATRICIA WOOD?

A new take on WHERE'S WALDO

10 am and 81 degrees.
So I get an overnight FED EX package from NEW YORK.
I open it up.
A large yellow envelope slips out addressed to:
PATRICIA WOOD AUTHOR OF LOTTERY
and PUTNAM'S address.
Rachel my editor's very uber rock assistant sends me a note attached.
"FAN MAIL," she writes.
"HOW COOL," I thought which makes me think of my friend who lives in ALASKA.
The Yellow Envelope contains a smaller white envelope - this was becoming kind of like those wooden RUSSIAN DOLLS that get tinier and tinier as you open them up.
It's been marked "RETURN TO SENDER."
Because it's addressed to"PATRICIA WOOD AUTHOR OF LOTTERY KOOLINA HAWAII
That's all.
I open it up.
It's a note.
As I read, I could feel my head swell. After I SLAPPED MYSELF AS HOLLY ALWAYS WANTS TO DO and re read some negative reviews it went right back to NORMAL.
The scene from the Oscars came to mind.
"YOU LIKE ME...YOU REALLY LIKE ME..."
A writer is so alone when they're creating a novel. When I'm working I'm engrossed in my story and loving it but I have no idea how anyone else is going to like it.
THE REST OF THE STORY.
The return address of the note?
Is Honolulu, Hawaii.
This lovely note traveled around Hawaii. Flew to New York back and forth. And arrived back to ME.
How cool is that.
So I'm sure you ALL have stories about mail malfunction.
Bring it on...

A HEART FULL OF SADNESS ON VALENTINE'S DAY

Founder's Library at Northern Illinois University. My master's thesis resides there. I spent hours in this library.


I am simply in shock. My alma mater.
Manic mommy and I both attended Northern Illinois University. I was there from 1977 to 1982. I earned a Bachelor's and a Master's degree there. My son flew kites on campus and played with his toy trucks down the corridor of Montgomery Hall while I attended class. He was even chased by the famous goose that lived in the lake.
Located out in the middle of the cornfields, DeKalb was as safe a place as you could possibly find.
Disco. Saturday Night Live. Wet tee shirt contests. The humid summers and the snow encrusted winters.
I am so sorry that this has happened. We so need to eliminate how easy it is to get guns in this country.
My heart aches for the people who endured this trauma and destruction.
There is nothing more to say.

HOW DO YOU GET THERE FROM HERE?

Semi-blue sky. 79 degrees. Word of the day: Disorganization.
Okay.
I'm way out here in the Ocean. That's my starting point.
I want to get to shore.
How do I do that?

So I'm writing this novel see.
And I've got this beginning see.
And I've got this end see?
But er uh it's this pesky middle part gets me mired down. There are so many POSSIBILITIES. I get so distracted. Maybe this is what attracts me to writing. I create these characters and this situation and then I make things happen. It's kind of like being God. Oh. Gee. Don't get all offended. (But it IS you know).
So my next novel has a boy with a dream.
A mechanic with a secret.
An aunt with regrets.
A ghost.
And a horse.
That's as much as I will tell you. I don't like talking about my projects in any great detail unless I'm pondering over a plot point or brainstorming. There was an interesting article in Writers and Poets some time back that described the phenomenon of talking "out" a project until all creativity was lost. I can really understand how this can happen. Very often authors will only drop a premise of a line or 2 to whet the interest of readers and then stay mum...
So now I'm taking a break.
Blogging.
Taking a breather.
There's a point to all this. My blog is a way of thinking out loud. A sort of writers' conversation with myself so to speak...and then? There's all these commenters!! How cool is that? It's like talking to yourself and then you get a bunch of answers back. Readers say "Oh that sounds cool I want to read that book - hurry and write it."
Other writers say "gee that's what I do- I'm NOT weird after all!"
And my husband says "I thought today was the day you were going to clean the boat and NOT write or blog."
oops.

GUNG HEE FAT CHOY

8 PM 76 Degrees and too much time on my hands.
I want to be a horse...

I appreciate the Chinese New Year. This is the year of the rat. I happen to be a snake and my husband is a horse. I wanted to be the horse. But no. I get to be the snake. Why the snake? I'm always the snake. I don't want to be the snake anymore. I want to be the horse. It's not fair. Not fair at all.
To play this game you have to know your birth year -- your real one -- not the one you tell everybody.
FIND YOUR ANIMAL HERE
Below are the choices:
CAUTION: Here is where I dis all the other horoscope animals.

Rat
Rat people are charming. An example is when we say "You dirty rat..."

Ox
Ox people are bright. Yeah.
I think this is where we say dumb as an Ox

Tiger
Tiger people are emotional and cry easily.
Then they eat you. They are always really, really sorry afterwards

Hare
Rabbits play in the moon light and take crazy chances.
They are often found in mental health facilities...and not as the caretakers (hint hint)

Dragon
Dragon people follow their own drummer. If they are rich then they are eccentric. It they are poor then they are deeply disturbed. If they are celebrities then they are in rehab.

Snake
Snake people are perfect. (Sneaky but perfect.)

Horse
Horse people are wild and free and will kick you in the butt if you turn your back on them.
They are not to be trusted.

Lamb
Lamb people are shy.
They are wusses and are often given wedgies in the school lavatories.

Monkey
Monkey people? MONKEY PEOPLE? Ha! Need I say more?

Rooster
Rooster people are moody. They get up way too early in the morning and are often found combing their hair. Elvis is only part Rooster.

Dog
Dog people are loyal and honest. They will get nowhere in life.

Boar
Boar people are real pigs

So go. Look yourself up. Then tell me if you match your animal. If you have trouble I can help point out all your negative qualities...

THOSE PESKY CHARACTERS AND NEW AND IMPROVED WEBSITES

MY CATS ARE SERIOUSLY FREAKED...

You Are a Rottweiler Puppy

Powerful, smart, and protective. You're eager to growl at anyone you hate - but you're a big sweetheart inside.

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

Check it out. Let me know how you like my NEW AND EVEN MORE IMPROVED WEBSITE.
You may have to hit refresh...


They come by when you least expect it. Characters. Like this one. He wants to be in a novel. He'd prefer to be in a cozy mystery but he'll take a romance...or even a thriller. Like, uh, teenage mutant turtle ninjas . It's a role he's studied carefully. He was made to play it. He's a natural.

75 degrees and 8:21pm.

It was an exciting week. First of all I was taped to be on TV. On one side of me was Charles Memminger - a journalist I admire - and the other side? Gary Moore a Little Richard impersonator. Hey. You can't make this s*** up!
SEE ME HERE AFTER MONDAY It will be broadcast after the 9 pm channel 5 news and also be online.

Afterwards I met the WORLD FAMOUS LIBRARIAN Peg.

I tagged along with Peg and her husband and we wandered around Chinatown in the pouring rain then we all had dinner together. I SO love librarians who come visit me in Hawaii.
So now? Yes it's back to work. With those pesky characters. I need them to come up with at least 20,000 more words in a hurry.
"It was a dark and stormy night for the teenage turtle wannabe mutant ninja. Suddenly a door slammed. A woman screamed. A dog howled. The stock market plunged.
The body floated in the harbor. Meanwhile downtown, Sydney looked in the mirror and felt his growth of beard. Damn that testosterone...
Okay commenters. We have 19,949 words to go. It's all yours.