PATRICIA WOOD ABOARD SV ORION

BLOGGING ABOUT WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

2011-12-07T14:08:00.000-10:00

I got to thinking during APEC. You know when they rounded up all the homeless so the state of Hawaii wasn't embarrassed? Why is it 'out of sight...out of mind?'

Not sure what I can do about this but I guess I can change my attitude. For me it's now 'there but for fortune,'

Is there a path we can take? Or is this something we learn to accept as part of society?
What do you think?

A BRAND NEW START...INTRODUCING TOOTOOLOOSE...

2011-09-12T10:53:00.000-10:00

I GOOD BOT CAT.

I PLAYZ HARD.

I LEARNING MANERZ FROM GRANMA

I SLEPZ WHER I WANT

YUP...LIF IS GUD...

TOOLOOSE: 2000 - 2011

2011-08-08T07:45:00.005-10:00

THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF TOOLOOSE WOOD

1. I lev my toyz to girl kittee.

2. I lev my ideaz to Pat Wood author even tho she will nut du justiz to them.

3. I lev peeze to the wurld.

"I'd rather be ashes than dust..." He lived his life to the fullest.

What is there to say?

Cardio myopathy is the leading cause of sudden death in otherwise healthy cats. We miss him horribly. Tooloose was well known in the harbor as a "bow guard". He was an escape artiste. And a writer.

His opus REVENGE OF THE ALIEN SPACE MONKEEZ remains a testament to his talent and is unfinished.

Like Truman Capote I can only find paragraphs and vague outlines. There was a detailed plan on his future book tour and interview with Barbara Walters. And the photos he wanted in People magazine.

I offer this all as a memorial...

Hooray for POLAND!!!

2011-08-02T18:12:00.002-10:00

The Polish edition of Lottery was released and I had great fun googling and translating reviews.
I surely AM a glutton for flattery in any language.

TMS: TOO MUCH STUFF

2011-06-04T09:31:00.003-10:00

Sometimes more seems like better...
This sailboat has a case of the "I gotta have" and the "can't throw away"

It's tempting to think two kayaks are better than one. That you will save on that 24 gallon jug of olive oil...or shampoo...or mouthwash...

There was a reason I posted this photograph. You see it's just exactly like writing a novel. You start out with a nice clean idea and then you start to add things.
I'm writing a simple coming of age story about a young man who's looking for his father and turns into a vampire...who saves the world...and then there's this sidekick who dabbles in real estate and I need the history of the financial meltdown of 2008 in there and of course the vampire back story of all 357 years. And then they get sent forward in time and arrive at a space station...

Well you get it...

SUNSET, A BUST, AND THOU...

2011-06-03T19:29:00.003-10:00

So GW and I hung out on the deck and watched the sunset after a day full of thunder, lightening, rain, and hail.

Suddenly four police cars and an ambulance pull up amid shouting of GET OFF MY F***ING BOAT!!

Ah the ambiance of a harbor...

THE GOLDEN RULE AS TAKEN FROM BAMBI

2010-10-10T06:05:00.002-10:00

"If you can't say something nice...don't say nothing at all."

Every book does not appeal to every reader. I just read a post about an author trashing another author's book.
Why would an author do this? After reading the adversarial exchanges between some authors and reviewers I have to shake my head...
It seems facebook and the Internet gives us the anonymity so we are able to feel entitled to take those cheap shots.
Would people say the same things face to face, I wonder.
I'm going to take a page from TOOLOOSE'S book. As a cat and being easily distracted, he learns from them and then lets these things go.
So TOOLOOSE do you have any wise words for us?

MY BOK ALIEN SPAZE MONKEEZE IS NUT FER EVERYONE.
IT IS HARD TO WRIT EZPECIALLY WITH NO APOZABLE THUMBS.
AL I CIN SAY IZ BE NIZE TO EACH UTHER.

I guess that's it in a nutshell. Be nice.

YOU CAN'T GET SOMETHING FOR NOTHING...PEOPLE THINK!!!!

2010-08-28T07:16:00.002-10:00

Another email came into my author account.
Big sigh...
A victim of this scam...AND IT IS A SCAM. It has nothing to do with my Spanish publisher or me or my novel Lottery.

Patricia Wood Award Program
Corporate Office Madrid, Spain.
Reference: ES/99/82/70
Batch: No: PW/23/51/AP
Lucky No: 36/64/19/11
Dear: Beneficiary.
On behalf of Spanish Patricia Wood Awards Staffs wishes to congratulate you on your success as one of our four lucky winner of the online Award held on 1th
july 2010 in Spain. This makes you the proud owner of a prize of 350,000.00 Euros (Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euro) in cash. All 4 winning addresses
were randomly selected from a batch of 50,000,000 international email addresses and your email was among the first Four (4) lucky winners. Therefore you do
not need to buy ticket to enter for it. Your winnings will be issued to you as soon as our Spanish claims department verifies your winning after you might
have filled this payment processing form that is below.
(Fill and Send To the Assigned Claims Agent Via Email)
Full Name:
Age:
Occupation:
Address:
COUNTRY:
Phone No:
Mobile No:
Fax If Any:
Winning Email Address:
Assigned Claims Agent: Dr.Eduardo Pablo
E-mail:claims_unit11@hotmail.com
For More Info Call Tel: +34-622-646-594
Yours Sincerely
Spinazzola, Karen.
{Online coordinator}

DON'T BE SUCKED IN!!! I have received several emails from people chastising me for being a part of this and trust me...I AM NOT A PART OF THIS!

I'm hoping this blog post will come up on google when people research this BEFORE they send money.

LESSON HERE? If it seems to good to be true?
It is...

BREAD LOAF BONFIRE AND THOU

2010-08-18T17:57:00.002-10:00

You must imagine the fire. The shivering bodies. The mosquitos. The bears and ticks hidden just in the shadows.
What I have learned so far.
Optimism in critiquing.
Analyzing a story helps find the center or core and the themes that traverse your narrative.
Creative pieces are worth being created.
There is a humbleness here that I embrace.
more later.
much more later.

THIS IS MY BRAIN...THIS IS MY BRAIN ON BREAD LOAF...

2010-08-16T17:17:00.003-10:00

RE-THINK

So I started walking every morning...picked up the CRUMB which is the Bread Loaf daily paper. I'm in the middle of a meadow on the edge of the woods when I read this sentence:

DO NOT PET THE BABY BEARS OR BABY MOOSE AS THEIR MOTHERS WILL PROBABLY (MOST LIKELY) WITH CERTAINTY ATTACK YOU.
Well it may have been worded not quite so strongly but that's what I thought I read.
I took off running back to the campus. Then I screeched to a stop.
Don't bears take running away as a sign of weakness? I started to tip toe away.
Then I heard a sound.
A moose sound.
Well a bird really, but it could have been a moose.
I decided to jog really REALLY fast.
When I reached safety I mentioned my fears to hardy and forest-smart Vermonters.
"Pooh!" they said. "We've not seen any bear or moose around here."
I breathed a sigh of relief.

"But you have to be on the look out for ticks," they said."Those pests will get into anything."

"TICKS???!!!" My voice got all squeaky and I started peeling up my pants leg and examining anything that looked tick-like.

It was hard as I haven't ever seen a tick. Most of what I picked off myself was fluff balls from my black socks. One can't be too careful...

I don't walk in the woods in the mornings anymore. Instead I'm walking along highway 125.
Large diesel spewing trucks I can handle.
Ticks I can't.

A CHAIR BY THE FIRE...

2010-08-15T18:30:00.004-10:00

Exhausted after the dance in the barn. The halfway point. After lectures and craft classes and workshops we needed a break.
What happened exactly after I found myself dancing between Andrea Barrett and Margot Livesey?
I'll never tell.
What goes on at Bread Loaf...Stays in Bread Loaf...

HAPPYMAKING JOYOUS DAY

2010-08-13T17:01:00.002-10:00

What I learned today:

Poets kick ass.

Solitude is critical for recharging.

And a quote provided from Jane Hirschfield:

"Insight is not achieved by domestication."

BREAD LOAF PASTORAL

2010-08-11T17:16:00.003-10:00

So here's the thing.
Bread Loaf Writers Conference is magic.
I'm under its spell already and I've only been here a day. I'm meeting writers of all types, kinds, and sizes and getting inspired by their stories.
Today I heard readings by Linda Gregerson and Jim Shepard and was in awe.
I have my alarm set for 6:30 am and plan to wander the property and visualize what it was like to meet Robert Frost, Willa Cather and all the other authors who have strolled the grounds.
I will answer any questions that my blogging buddies may have...
Write on!

YIPPEE SKIPPEE ON MY WAY TO BREAD LOAF...

2010-08-08T10:42:00.003-10:00

Back in May I found out I was accepted to the Bread Loaf Writers Conference and then I immediately damaged myself to celebrate (not really but that's the way it appeared...)
So then I've now gotten my workshop assignment (Jim Shephard) and received my fellow workshopper manuscripts (what are we called anyway??? Not sure.)
AND
I have packed necessary items like my Kindle, ipod, notebooks, mosquito repellent, rain poncho and a few clothes, gotten my boarding pass and am counting down the minutes before leaving for the airport.
So...
I will try to sneak off and post plaintive bulletins, cries for help, or effusive rantings so my pain and joy can be felt vicariously.
Isn't that what writers do anyway?

Wish me luck!

SORRY BLOGGER I HAVE SINNED

2010-08-02T07:40:00.004-10:00

Okay so the time got away from me being wounded and all...And I must admit that Blogger wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke up each morning trying to get my knee or hand to work *insert violin music here*.
So...
I decided to make an effort to post regularly again. There is no better means of procrastination for a writer than Blogger. Anyway I also decided to do some short story writing and flash fiction just for giggles and snorts.
And...
Anything else that Tooloose the cat thinks would be useful.
Or...
Recent altercations with the non-writing world.
Such as...

Friday night I went for a walk down the quay (fancy name for a dock when you are writing a story and need to use the word "dock" a lot and find you used it like twenty times in one paragraph so you need to figure out all the different ways to say dock: like "finger pier" and "wharf" and... um... well dock...)
Anyway.
A boat owner down the way had been indulging in spirits (A fancy way to say "drunk" "blotto" "wasted" "inebriated")
He collapsed on my shoulder and said in my ear. "You're the author lady."
It was a statement I couldn't disagree with.
He continued.
"Boy do I have some ideas for you!"
(I won't put in the slurring, hiccups, or belches.)
I believe my response was something along the lines of the Church Lady's "Well isn't that special."
This didn't dissuade him. On the contrary. It seemed to encourage him.
"I got these dreams Yanno! Horrible things. Nightmares that would make really good stories if I could remember them. You want me to try?"
"No, that's okay. I wouldn't want you to go to any trouble."
"Oh it's no trouble."
"No, really."
"Honest I'll start now."
"No. Please."
Note: It's hard to get words of protest out of your mouth and breathe as you are running away from a drunk down a dock and trying not to fall in the water at the same time, but it can be done.
You see there is one phrase that chills the heart of any writer.
Somebody. Anybody saying:
"I got this idea for a book..."
Personally it gives me the heebie jeebies.
What are YOUR fearsome phrases?

SLACKER

2010-06-23T06:37:00.003-10:00

So let's take a look at how I stand.

Status Left Hand 6 weeks after surgery: Thumb 45%, first finger 40%. middle finger 100% (I mean really what is it good for except for that), fourth finger 20%, little finger ISN"T EVEN TRYING!!!! Come on you weenie!!

Status: Right knee 2 weeks after surgery: Bending 80%, walking 90%, climbing stairs 75%.
Now this is more like it.
It's apparent to me that Mr. Left Hand is not motivated to improve like Mr. Right Knee. Come on now. Do you expect everybody to be doing everything for you forever?
Is this fair?
Mr. Right Hand is grumbling and writing letters to see if he can get some action here.
He thinks Leftie is faking it. (What kind of a name is leftie anyway. It sounds subversive)
I can't help but think Rightie has a point when I see you lolling around on a couple of pillows being waited on hand and hand.

Be advised you're being put on notice.
The rest of the body parts are ready to revolt.
You may find you'll have to explain yourself and that won't make Mr. Mouth one bit happy...
Consider this a warning.

THIS IS A NEW ONE...

2010-06-03T07:05:00.005-10:00

From Dewayne USA,

Dear Friend

How are You Today? I am Sergent Dewayne Pittman, an active American soldier serving in Iraq,

I am serving in the military of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq, as our mission here is highly exclusive due to insurgents everyday and car bombs are attacking our peaceful mission here.

We managed to secure funds from the war zone. The total amount is US$ 23 Million dollars in cash.

We want to move this money out of Iraq now because this place is a war zone,however we plan to give you 30% of the total money and you keep our share of 70% for us till when we will come over to meet you in your country.this is a cool deal and you must keep it confidential for security reason.

No strings attached, just help us move it out of Iraq, Iraq is a war zone. We plan on using diplomatic courier and shipping the money out in large box, using diplomatic immunity.

If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can you be trusted? Please When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact details. as a U.S soldier i am ashureing you 100% risk free.

The box can be shipped out in 48hrs if you want to handle the deal with us as partner.

Should you be interested, please contact me,so we can commence all arrangements and I Will give you more information on how we would handle this project.

Respectfully,
SSG Dewayne Pittman

DER DEWAYNE,
I DO NUT TINK SO.
PS(CHEK YER SPELING)
TOOLOOSE

I'LL TAKE FRIES WITH THAT MACSPEECH...

2010-05-21T19:14:00.002-10:00

This post is brought to you by MacSpeech.
Okay the thing is. I can't say naughty words. This limits me. You'd think with only one arm the idea of having speech recognition software would be way cool. And it is. BUT I can't say 90 words. That 90 should be naughty. NOT T. NOT be. NOT a. 90 night he not see. There are some glitches. I can't say 90 words. I can't say bad words. No bad words. Not shift. Not Fox. Not Butthead. Oh! I can say Butthead!!! Can I say damn? Yup. Can I say hell? Yup. My cat to lose (two loose). Well that was close. Keep in mind I'm not using the keys at all to do this blog. It's harder than it might look. Or maybe not. Possibly it looks worse. I still wanna say fark. F. you see Kay.
I have eight weeks to get used to this. I will either teach MacSpeech to be knotty. Or my vocabulary will be cleaned up. Stay tuned.
MacSpeech -- five
Patricia Wood -- one
I cheated. I had to type... it kept spelling my name as would...

ANATOMY OF A BOO BOO or THE REAL STORY

2010-05-12T08:06:00.003-10:00

It seemed so simple.
Taking the mail and dropping it in the mailbox. We walked around the end of the harbor, a stiff breeze came up and tossed an envelope into the water, It seemed such a simple thing to bend over the rocky ledge and reach for it.Seconds later I found myself tumbling down the barnacle and coral covered rocks and plunged into filthy harbor water over my head...fast forward to ER and the to surgery to repair damaged nerves and re-attach tendons.
After a few nights of lux care at Queens Hospital I'm home and back on the keyboard with my good right hand and trusty TOOLOOSE volunteering to finish my next book for me...He feels the addition of a few alien space monkeys improves any tome.
Stay tuned.
FYI:
This message has been brought to you by Vicodan.

WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE OR DIDN'T I JUST POST?

2010-04-29T03:58:00.003-10:00

How a writer feels:
A photo is worth 87,000 words (the lengths of my first draft).

A ship out in the middle of the ocean: That's how it feels to be a writer.
And you're not alone. You have all these characters out there with you. Some of them are from other books you've written. Others are new but not fully formed so they are like faceless zombies that chase you around and want to eat your brains out.
Still others slowly morph into younger - older - taller - shorter versions of themselves. Sometime they even change sex. It's creepy.
And then there are all the vampires...
Well you start to get the idea of what the inside of my brain is like.
A little shop of horrors.
But I like this picture. You can't tell exactly where it is but it looks lonely doesn't it?
Well.
That's not entirely true.
I know where it is.
Any guesses from the peanut gallery?
Name your place and the prize you want.
Possible prizes:
1. A sense of worth.
2. Common sense
3. Sense of direction
4. Sense of decency
5. Two sense worth (okay okay cents...)

Other authors give away autographed books. I like to give away more useful items.

GUEST BLOG AND VOLCANO

2010-04-20T07:30:00.003-10:00

Sounds like a still life title doesn't it?

This is for those who want to read a guest blog I did on revision and for those who want a photo of the Big Island Volcano...

I CAN NEVER KILL MY HUSBAND OR...HOW AUTHORS THINK...

2010-04-09T07:17:00.004-10:00

This post can also be titled LIFE WITH A WRITER...

So we're at Pacific Ocean Producers because I had this vision of TOOLOOSE falling off the boat into the water and I thought, Hey! Let's get a big net just in case and um...
There were these fish bags and um...
I thought, gee wouldn't those be perfect to put a dead body inside...
Of course you'd have to see if they fit.
NOTE: They come in 4,5,6,7 and 8 foot lengths.
They are rather expensive ($190 - $300) but yanno price is no object if you want to kill your husband...or...er...um...write about it. Yeah. That's right.
It's research honey.
Entirely research.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING ME...

2010-03-30T06:39:00.004-10:00

I used this line when I was teaching high school once and my student looked at me confused..."But I don't have a brother," she said.

That teeny tiny speck in the air is a helicopter and it was sitting there for an hour just hovering...
I'm not paranoid. Honest, but it was staring at me (can inanimate objects stare? I think so).
Anyway I used Big Brother to my advantage with this revision I'm doing.

Helicopter: What are you doing?

Me: I'm pouring coffee.

Helicopter: You already had coffee. Get back to work.

Me: (Meekly) Okay.

(20 minutes later)

Helicopter: What are you doing?

Me: Researching.

Helicopter: But your book doesn't have anything to do with cheap fares to Vegas.

Me: Oh, yeah well...

Helicopter: Get back to work.

Me: (Even more meekly) Okay.

(A half-hour later)

Helicopter: Where are you going?

Me: It's lunch time.

Helicopter: Eat at your desk.

Me: WHAT?!

Helicopter: You heard me.

Me: (WAY more meekly) okay...

(two hours later)

Helicopter: Hmmm...Something doesn't seem right.

TOOLOOSE disguised as ME: WUT DU U MEN?

Helicopter: Who was that person in a swimming suit on her way to the beach? She looked familiar.

TOOLOOSE disquised as ME: SUM STRANGER. I NEVER SA THEM BE4.

Helicopter: Okay.

IT'S SATURDAY...IT MUST BE A TSUNAMI

2010-02-27T18:27:00.011-10:00

The tsunami siren went off at 6am but we were already getting ORION ready to leave the harbor. So were 100+ other boats.
Immediately the phone lines were jammed but we were too busy to talk...until we got 6 miles off shore and were watching dophins and whales and birds.
The all clear sounded and we all came back... Those behind us... And those ahead of us...

When we finally got back to our slip the tsunami was still surging and ebbing...
Keep in mind there is no way to predict exactly how big the tsunami waves are.
Better to be safe than sorry.
And that was MY weekend...

WHAT I DO WHEN I'M NOT WRITING...

2010-02-23T21:26:00.003-10:00

On the hunt for the perfect Pina Colada...

As I've said before...it's a dirty job but someone has to do it.
My New Year's resolutions are long gone and at only February they're by the wayside.
I've replaced them with FEBRUARY RESOLUTIONS:

1. Must eat more chocolate.
2. Must drink more coffee.
3. Must see more movies.
4. Must re-watch all seven seasons of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
5. Must listen to You Can't Always Get What You Want by the Stones at least 4,578 more times

AT last.
New Year's Resolutions that I can keep.

OKAY SO I GUESS I BEEN BUSY....

2010-01-24T21:32:00.006-10:00

First I had to watch them film LOST by my boat and hang around while they sent a car into the harbor like six or seven times...(I was going to point out that earlier this year they could have had one be filmed for free but it was hard to time it just right...)

Then I had to watch the surf on the North Shore...

And then I'm going to work my little hands to the bone for THE VIEW FROM HERE as the new kid on the block.

ummm...then let me see...I'm guest blogging for DAVE at ROLLING AROUND IN MY HEAD

Oh and revising and writing and gosh...There's simply NO TIME to sit and eat BonBons this month.
RATS!
Maybe next month...

WAIKIKI 2010

2010-01-03T07:54:00.003-10:00

The new year enters with masses of explosions here in Hawaii.

The next morning it kinda looked the same except for all the fireworks offal. Red paper. Cardboard. Passed out party goers in heaps.
In a few more days it was all cleaned up.
Except for the occasional wandering party goer with their head ornament slightly askew trying to find their hotel room and then realizing they actually live in Honolulu.

NEW YEARZ REZALOOSHUNS BY TOOLOOSE

1. SLEP MOR
2. WURK UN NOVUL
3. SLEP SUM MOR
4. EAT FUD
5. SLEP EVUN MOR
6. BE HAPPEE

Hmmm...it seems Tooloose gives good advice after all:
Sleep, eat, write and be happy.
I can do that.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

2009-12-23T09:25:00.006-10:00

ORION sends you Holiday Greetings

Holiday and New Year's wishes for you:

1. May you only receive fruitcake if you genuinely enjoy eating it.
2. May you finish all your yearly seasonal cards before spring.
3. May you be at one with the Zen of the post office line and embrace the waiting as it is good for your soul.
4. May snow fall on you if you wish it to and not if you don't.
5. If snow DOES fall on you may you have the childlike desire to make a snow angel.

And may you get just exactly the presents you desire:

Like Tooloose

One can not have too many Alien Conjoined Space Monkeys can one?

TELLING NOT SHOWING...

2009-12-08T08:28:00.005-10:00

It never snows in Honolulu so we have to TELL our populace that it's the holiday season and not SHOW them...
A shot from the Christmas Light Parade on December 5.

All the people in the real world can look outside to bare trees, snow, and frigid temperatures and voila! You KNOW it's December and the holiday season...
Here?
As my husband's mother used to say when she woke up and opened the curtains:
"It's another GD beautiful day in paradise."

Whenever anyone finds out I'm a writer they ask "What do you write?"
And I say, "Stories."

And they say, "What kind of stories?"

And I say, "Well... not vampires, not thirty-somethings in NYC. I don't write about Zombies or sea monsters invading classic literature." (although I am sorta kinda thinking about "A Tale of Two Apocalypses." I even know the first line already: It was the worst of times and it was the worst of times...)

Anyway the person says, "So what DO you write?"

And I have to stop and think. "Well um...whimsy...you know. But not romance although people DO fall in love and um...not explosions or serial murderers or wizards."

And then the person's eyes just start to glaze over and they inch away.

Which may be a good thing. But I stand there all alone talking to myself.

"And I DON'T write about space ships or Alien Monkees or fairies or old ladies who solve mysteries using ESP or..."

And for your amusement:
A VERY fun post by THE REJECTIONIST.

So what don't YOU write about?
Inquiring authors want to know...

FOR THE AUTHOR WHO HAS EVERYTHING...

2009-11-29T22:02:00.003-10:00

Yes. You too can personalize books in style.
Bling Pen for those author events where you need that something extra.

Because really it all comes down to appearances doesn't it?

NEW CHARACTER IN HEAD:LET ME OUTTTTTT!!!!!!

OLD CHARACTER IN HEAD: No way.

NEW CHARACTER IN HEAD:I'M WARNING YOU!!!!

OLD CHARACTER IN HEAD: Tough.

NEW CHARACTER IN HEAD: If you don't let me out I'm going to make Patricia Woods completely NUTS by my rantings!!!

OLD CHARACTER IN HEAD: Too late.

I CAN HAZ DONE...

2009-11-20T09:07:00.003-10:00

Tooloose taking a much needed rest after helping the author get her next manuscript to the publisher...It takes much energy looking over someone's shoulder...

Had a great conversation with my brain now that my manuscript is out the door.

BRAIN: YIPPEE SKIPPEE My manuscript is off to my publisher!!!!!

ME: So what's next?

BRAIN: YIPPEE SKIPPEE

ME: Maybe I should start that other idea I had... or may do a revision of that other project I got kind of stuck on.

BRAIN: YIPPEE SKIPPEE

ME: You're not being real helpful, here, Brain.

BRAIN: YIPPEE SKIPPEE

ME: Okay maybe I'll play around with a short story. That might be fun. Or an article.

BRAIN: NOOOOOOoooooooooo yippee skippee

ME: Something tells me you're not that enthusiastic to start something new...

BRAIN: *makes no sound...not even tree falling*

ME: Brain? Brain are you there?

BRAIN: YIPPEE SKIPPEE

ME: That's it. *goes to computer...starts typing* "IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT...

BRAIN: Don't start something new...please??? Let me rest...I deserve a break...

ME: Hmmm...the beginning is a bit hackneyed. Maybe you have a point Brain. I SHOULD take some time off..

BRAIN: OH! OH! I got an idea!!!! The first line is "Her name was misspelled in the obituary...and you can make it about....and do this....and that... It'll be great!!!!!!

ME: YIPPEE SKIPPEE

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE...

2009-11-18T08:10:00.002-10:00

It might be the sailboat stuck on the reef in front of the Halekulani Hotel...

Gosh you make only a FEW tiny mistakes... Getting towed out for a wonderful afternoon of drinking beer on the ocean with no prop, rudder, sails or workable anchor...and gee...
You end up on the reef.
Who knew?

WORKING THE WORKSHOP

2009-11-10T21:15:00.007-10:00

What do anemones have in common with writing workshops?

I was asked to conduct a workshop on writing so I'm going to take a time out line editing my next manuscript and get inspired.
Yep.
You heard it right.
If you want to get inspired then either take a workshop or give one. There's nothing like being in a room with like minded people talking about something you all love to get you all charged up.

For information on the NOVEMBER 14 WORKSHOP at the UH Lab School here in Hawaii, contact Jacqui via her email. Just replace the at with @ tropicalparadise at hawaii.rr.com
Hopefully by doing this I have not opened the floodgates for her to be spammed with male member enlargers.

So the answer to the question is that by networking like a busy little (big) anemone you stretch and expand your horizons...with the added advantage of being able to regroup when tossed into that rejection blender.

So if you could take a workshop with an author...what would YOU like to ask?

MORE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

2009-10-31T08:51:00.005-10:00

Another step in the revision and editing process...

I was introduced to a new blog ROLLING AROUND IN MY HEAD . Dave is using LOTTERY for his bookclub. He has a wonderful blog and I recommend you taking a look.

Revising and editing. Again. And again. AND AGAIN.

WRITER-SELF: Looks good. Just a few more changes like how do I get my character from her small town in Elmtree, Wisconsin where she works in a cafe, to being the chief astronaut and nuclear physicist in Russia...

NORMAL-SELF: The reader will understand. It's done.

WRITER-SELF: That sentence is a little long. Takes up three pages. Maybe I should re-work it?

NORMAL-SELF: Leave it alone. It's done.

WRITER-SELF: The ending feels...I don't know...up in the air...inconclusive. I mean everybody's still alive. I feel like I have to kill somebody...

NORMAL-SELF: No you don't. Murder is against the law plus readers become nasty when an author kills off every endearing character. It's done.

WRITER-SELF: Maybe I should re-structure it? have four sections. Leave out the chapter headings. Change the font.

NORMAL-SELF: Leave it alone. It's done.

WRITER-SELF: You know as I read through it, it's pretty good. I don't think I need to mess with it any more. It's done!

NORMAL-SELF: Have you done spell check? Maybe you should do another spell check. And that's a good idea you had about the font. You could add a couple alien space monkeys to the mix. THAT would add suspense and kick it up a notch...

IS THAT A FENDER IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME...

2009-10-19T19:41:00.002-10:00

A man and his fender...

So you've all noticed by now that I'm posting less on my blog. There's a reason. If you EVER want to see the next novel then I have to draw the line somewhere.
TIME MANAGEMENT FOR DUMMIES.
The short version.
Cliff notes.
1. Wake up and while you are brushing your teeth write a novel.
2. Eat breakfast and write a novel.
3. Sweep the floor and write a novel.
4. Do laundry and write a novel.
5. Drive to the grocery store and write a novel. ok well I guess it's illegal to use a computer in the car so you can write it when you get back.
6. Feed your cats and write a novel and if your cat is clever they will write one while they eat.
Repeat seven days a week and at the end of a month you'll have say a gadzillion novels.
Aren't you glad I helped you out like this?

GIVING A CHARACTER THE PINK SLIP...

2009-10-10T07:02:00.003-10:00

Revising and editing a manuscript is like working on your boat. It can go on forever and nobody seems to do the job as well as you can...

I had to fire a character last week. I told her with the economy and everything I just didn't think I could keep her on.

"Sarah you have to go. I'm sorry."

"Was is something I did?"

"No. No, it's just I can't afford to keep you. You're diluting my story."

"I can change! Let me know what I need to do and I'll do it."

"It's not that. It's just you and the book seem to be going in different directions. You're kind of more YA and my book is adult."

"Make me older!"

"It's not that simple. In the beginning you were like a scaffold. You got the story going, but now? Well, frankly you're superfluous."

"What's superfluous?"

"See? That's just what I mean. You have a tendancy to take over. I need to concentrate on characters that are more pliable, ones that give me more bang for my buck."

"I can bang. Really! Give me a chance. Don't just cut me out like this. Is there no loyalty?"

"Sarah you're making this harder than it has to be. I tell you what I'll do. I'll keep your personal folder and if I have an opening in another book, I'll give you a call."

"Yeah? Well I just may be busy! YOU just think of THAT! I may be unavailable. Maybe I'll try another author. Boy, will you be sorry when the next book I'm in actually WINS an award. And I never told you this but I think your writing STINKS!"

*Character slams my door on her way out, kicks over my garbage can, and keys my car.*

Hiring and firing is SO emotionally draining, don't you think?

THINGS THAT BEGIN WITH 'T'...TRUCK...TRAVEL...TSUNAMI...

2009-09-30T07:12:00.004-10:00

How do you get a truck out of a harbor?
You attach air bags...

And then you tow it to the boat ramp.

Just thought you'd all want to know.
So September was research month whether I wanted to or not. A brilliant trip to Victoria to see an old friend and pass by Port Townsend and Port Angeles where my WIP will take place...
And then?
I come home to a tsunami alert.

We watched the water rise past the high tide mark...

And then it receded. It went back and forth high tide and low tide right in front of our eyes for several hours. Like someone was filling a tub and then letting the water out a drain...it was flat...no real waves. But the surging caused the water to go instantly from clear to muddy...
This month I actually had to start a new journal titled:
"THINGS I MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT PUT INTO A NOVEL"
You never know.
TOOLOOSE has started his next book.
WORKING TITLE:
ALIEN SPACE MONKEYS VERSUS THE DREAD TSUNAMI VAMPIRE
He's already got 153 words.

"It was a dark and stormy sea..."

STRANGER THAN FICTION...

2009-09-16T22:22:00.003-10:00

What are the chances...

That a car in the parking lot gets its throttle stuck and it richochets off a MERCEDES...takes out a dock box, electrical conduit, a eight foot tall metal gate, rides down the dock between two sailboats and plunges into the water with the driver swimming to safety and the boats undamaged?
What are the chances that it happens two boats down from a novelist?
This is SO going in my next book...
oh and the car is sitting in 16 feet of water and will need to be removed with a crane...What are the chances?

DEEP END OF THE OCEAN...THE REST OF THE STORY...

2009-09-15T08:48:00.004-10:00

When Deep End of the Ocean was released and became the first Oprah book it changed everything. It was a compelling story that still engages readers. When we reluctantly closed the book, we all wondered what happened to the family.
Everyone has been anxiously awaiting the sequel.
Well wait no more.
It's here!!!!!
NO TIME TO WAVE GOODBYE

Those of us attending the Hawaii Writers Conference and Retreat were able to score early copies of Jacquelyn Mitchard's sequel to her best selling first novel.
Was it worth the wait?
YOU BETCHA.
Grab your copy now and dive right in...

After reading it - I was compelled to re read Deep End of the Ocean and marvel once more at the characters, the premise and what a terrific story it is and think back...
1996...I had been living in Hawaii for over five years, I was on the beach and immersed from the very first page...

Where were YOU when you first read Deep End of the Ocean?

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD...OR DIDN'T WE JUST PASS THIS PLACE???

2009-09-13T13:29:00.005-10:00

I remember taking this photo in Norway. After a while all the cliffs that I felt the car would plunge over started looking the same...

The idea for this blog post is courtesy of THIS

Title:

YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ MY F***ING SCRIPT IF I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR F***ING RANT

I read the comments about this essay and they were evenly divided between agreeing with the ranter and disagreeing saying that everybody needs a hand early in their career.
Let me give my take on the situation.
In my case help was encouragement in workshops not reading a manuscript and getting me an agent. I help other writers because I know what it was like.
Do I read their work? Only in facilitated workshops. Do I get them an agent? No because I don't know what kind of agent they want. Do I send them to my editor? No that's not my job. Will I answer questions about writing or publishing? YES YES YES.
Anyone who asks about my path or has a question gets an answer.
Do I have to insult someone who genuinely thinks I might want to read or edit their unagented work?
No.
Never.
Why?
Because they don't know any better. I tell them about writers groups and organizations and conferences and wish them luck.
Yes I know it's impossible to discourage true writers. But yanno. I don't want to discourage them. I want other writers to succeed. If something I say helps then yeah!
If they get annoyed with me for not easing their path then I can't help that. I'm too busy revising my next manuscript to worry about that.
The thing is...
Why be mean?

BETA BOB BOUNCES BACK...

2009-09-07T20:45:00.003-10:00

WANDERING STAR has joined ORION at the Ala Wai...

That teeny tiny speck of a sailboat is Wandering Star entering the harbor. So it's back to normal or kinda normal...Tooloose is writing his alien space monkey opus, I'm working on a new project, and simultaneously trying to come down from 10+ days working with other writers.
It's been fun...and everyone says the same thing:
Write.
Write.
Write.
Get off the internet and write.
Get off your butt and write.
Have faith (that's from Mitch Albom).
Have determination (that's from Kristin Hannah).
Let adversity motivate you (that's from Jackie Mitchard).
Break all the rules (that's from Joseph Finder).
String 60 scenes together (that's from William Bernstein).
I'm going to sell my house and buy a boat (that's from William Martin- he went on a great catamaran ride and now he's jealous of me...on a sailboat...in Hawaii...).
And for the writers who heard my talk?
Look for that pony in the manure pile and stay well grounded by stepping in an occassional hair ball...

DEBRIEFING: OR WHY DO SOME PEOPLE WALK OUT ON WORKSHOPS...

2009-09-03T14:39:00.004-10:00

In the midst of dragons there be gold...

It happens every year. With every instructor. At some point in the writers workshop a person feels their needs are not being met...
The first day everyone has bright shiny happy faces. As the week progresses two things happen. A writer takes on a dogged determined appearance and their writing becomes lighter...more fluid...a distinctive voice develops.
OR.
The second, third, or fourth day?
They do not come back. At first we think they've slept in or are ill. Then the truth comes out.
We have NOT recognized their brilliance.
Darn.
And I thought everyone was supposed to recognize mine...
There are as many reasons as there are plot points. The thing is? So you don't learn about gripping dialogue. You learn something about characterization. Or maybe you learn more about the structure of a novel. Or just maybe you find a way out of your story and into another story...I never learn what I think I'm going to and the funny thing I often learn from my classmates...
And at the VERY least? You have more best selling authors to list on your query or resume and have an in to get a blurb from...What else it teaches? How to take criticism well - that helps when working with a publisher when they tell you to change something. So my hat's off to Jackie Mitchard and Karin Slaughter. They came. They saw.
They taught...

SO YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER...

2009-09-01T23:01:00.003-10:00

During dinner we were serenaded by the rustling of the palms...

Yesterday's exercise was to create two separate paragraphs either first or third person that addressed gender. How to reveal the sex of the speaker so a reader knows exactly whether the protagonist is a man or woman without being obvious...like having them look in a mirror...DUH!!!!We also had to make one sympathetic and the other unsympathetic-
Then we took our gender paragraphs and turned them into a dialogue (monologue) and made them unsympathetic if they originally were sympathetic and vice versa...
I learned a lot plus it was fun. We made each other laugh so hard we nearly peed our pants (speaking for myself only of course).
Tonight's homework was a one page two person dialogue that was suspenseful.
It's now after 11 pm and I am wishing I started my homework earlier...
If I don't finish I'll say TOOLOOSE ate my homework...or at least his alien space monkeys did...
So what are your excuses?

MITCHARD & SLAUGHTER : CHARACTERS' SECRETS

2009-08-31T20:34:00.004-10:00

We all decided our instructors names would make a great law firm:
Mitchard & Slaughter

Where Holly and I had dinner:

For homework yesterday I wrote an even creepier short SHORT story about a woman who gets offed by her husband by getting dumped in the ocean (no ideas eh Gordon?).
Studying the structure of thrillers is really getting rid of all my pent up emotion let me tell you!
Today Karin Slaughter talked about knowing one secret your character has that the reader may never know.
Like they stole out of the collection plate when they were 10 and embarrassed in front of the congregation and that's why they are guilty every time they go to church...or they got a DUI, or they never actually graduated from college or...
you get the idea.
It was hugely helpful and I came up with a GREAT secret...and I'm never telling.
No sir.
Tooloose did the exercise as well.

MI ALIEN SPAZ MONKEEZ HAV A SECRIT:

THEY R NUT RELEE ALIENS AN THEY DON KNO HOW TO FLY.
SORREE.

What are YOUR characters' secrets?

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: HAWAII WRITERS RETREAT...

2009-08-30T07:24:00.005-10:00

No picture. Not yet. Our classroom is facing the Ocean and has a view of Diamond Head.
The first day we heard a talk by William Martin on first lines and first pages. About setting up the voice and the characters. About compelling the reader to turn that page.
Then we had a break and IMMEDIATELY WENT TO STARBUCKS...which made HOLLY and I late for class...my bad...
so....WE WERE SEPARATED!!!! We couldn't even pass notes back and forth.
In the beginning we worked on the events in our stories. Listing the 10 major events that lead to the next thing.
It was HARD!!!!!
Even with a second draft of this current book finished I had a REALLY difficult time and mine was horrible. I sweated blood to create my list and when I read it over it actually bore little resemblance to the book I wrote...*crumples paper up and starts over*

The next task seemed easier. Homework: write a one page ghost story with NO HOUSE THAT IS OFFERED FOR SALE THAT A NEW FAMILY MOVES INTO...ie no Amityville horror...Rats...
Do you want to read my home work? Do you? well...
Here it is:
**********************
Ghost Story
I’m being chased. Don’t come closer. I tell them, but the one doggedly tromps through the forest with the video camera rolling, slowing only to take a slurp of his beer. I flee. I soar. Trees whisk by. Stones rattle and tumble. Bushes rear out of the ground, but the flannel-shirted idiot keeps it up. The other moron wears a hooded sweatshirt that flops over his face, and carries a metal flashlight. Hard to balance that and the can of brew he holds in his hand as he jogs, but he manages without spilling a drop. Takes talent, that.
“He’s getting away, Lenny. Head him off.”
“Got him, Carl. You just keep filming.”
Stay away. I tell them, but they don’t listen. They never listen. Why do they not listen? I allow the idiot with the camera a fleeting glimpse of me. I am a startle. A movement out of the corner of his eye. A shimmer of glowing light. His lumbering body swings around and he stumbles forward. Rasping breath. Excitement and expectation causes him to be heedless. I count on this and use it to my advantage.
When his foot crashes through the rotted plywood covered with soft pine needles and leaves, his body tumbles down the darkened shaft. He doesn’t have time to do more than grunt in surprise. If I were him I might have tossed the beer and camera aside and grabbed a hold of the frame or protruding root on the way down. He doesn’t of course. They never think of it at the time. I know I never did. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty as they often say.
I know these woods like the back of my hand. Or did when I had a hand. Every path. Each trail. How close the quarry is to the edge of the road. The location of every pit. Each abandoned well. What it takes to entice and beguile.
I know how it will be for the next one.
His heart will thud in his ears as he holds his breath until he nearly explodes. “Carl? CARL? Where are you? Carl?” he will say. His fingers will become sweaty and both hands will tremble. Maybe he will shine his light in a wide circle. Around and around until he is dizzy. A twig snaps. I hear him coming. Maybe I will show myself. Maybe he will die of fright. Time stopping dead like a crushed watch. If he doesn’t, it will be as easy to lead him to the shaft as it was for the others. Easier, even. I know this.
Each time it gets easier.
***************************
Comments? Of course you all knew it would be my style to write one from the POV of a ghost...
What would you have done?

LET THE PARTY BEGIN...

2009-08-28T21:56:00.002-10:00

So it's registration day for the Hawaii Writers Retreat and I immediately started trying to be teacher's pet by buying a few rounds...Jackie Mitchard is great fun to work with.

And after 2 pina coladas I was feeling no pain...Ann Hood has a full class as well. It's so hard to decide who to work with...

how do you choose anyway?
Some times it depends on your story. Sometimes it depends on a writing tic you want to get rid of.
Other times? Well THIS from TOOLOOSE:

"STOREZ THAT HAZ ALIEN SPAZ MONKEEZ R THE NEXT BIG THING.
I WAN MY TEACHUR TO UNDERSTAN
MY GENIUZ.
AND GET ME AN AGENT. NOW. PLEEZ."

So how about you?
What do you want from a Hawaii writers retreat besides finding that perfect Mai Tai?

MY CHARACTER GRAM IS GOING TO HELL...

2009-08-19T10:22:00.003-10:00

AND OTHER THINGS MY READERS TELL ME...
This is a photo of me carrying two of my characters around on my back... I can't get rid of them. They are with me every moment of every day whispering in my ear.
I'm responsible for them and everything they do is my fault.
For example...
Gram's potty mouth has gotten her into trouble. I have been told on good authority (the born-again-community-somewhere-in-the-wilds-of-someplace) that no matter how good Gram was to Perry she's going straight-to-HELL-capital-H-do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-your-$200-spiritual-Monopoly-kind-of-thing.
There's nothing I can do about it. I can't pull in any do-gooder markers. Can't go back (remember I already killed her off).
She's burning away now.
Gee.
I thought she was entirely imaginary.
Bummer.
My bad.

COUNT DOWN: LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE WHERE YOU'RE HEADED

2009-08-14T07:44:00.006-10:00

It may all seem the same but trust me...each part of the ocean is different.

Each year I take stock. Where have I been? Where am I going? Am I on the right path?
As a result each year I attend the Hawaii Writers Retreat and Conference.
In 13 days the amazing and talented HOLLY KENNEDY arrives and in 14 days we will be seated across from each other (we aren't allowed to sit next to each other because we can't shut up) and will be working on the craft of fiction writing with Jackie Mitchard and Karin Slaughter.
The focus will be on suspense and although we don't write thrillers the components of a thriller can create a compulsive read and I want my readers to not be able to set down my book...I want them to carry it with them to restaurants...to work...to the bathroom...I want them to bug their life partner by reading my novel until 3 am because they want to find out what happens.
I enjoy working with other writers. There are times they ask me why I'm there...if I'm published already why do I work on my writing and I give them this answer:
I will ALWAYS work on my writing. Publishing is happy circumstance but is not the end of my path...I still strive to be able to write stories that will be in print two years...five years...ten years or more down the road.
So I will be sitting in a room with other writers, my ego left at the door (although I will hear it hammering and yelling on the other side)...
Today's question?
Your 15 pages have been sent in...Why are we provoked to fiddle with them? Why can't we leave them alone. Why must we switch sentences around? And why do we only NOW find those stupid grammar and spelling mistakes?
Inquiring minds want to know...

IF IT MOVES PUT A HAT ON IT AND OTHER SAGE WRITING ADVICE...

2009-08-06T15:03:00.002-10:00

It doesn't take much to change a cold one-dimensional character into a living breathing entity...give him or her a hat and suddenly they're real...your very own "Wilson" from Castaway.

What shall I talk about? I know. This could also be titled "be careful what you wish for you just may get it..."
I have many people email me asking for writing, agenting, and publishing help. Generally they want me to read their manuscript and offer it to my agent or editor. Sometimes they want writing help or advice. Sometimes they want me to share the secret of getting published...hey if I told them it wouldn't be a secret anymore. I took an oath yanno.
The thing is...there are rules.
1. Authors don't have very much time. They have to stare at their blank computer screen, pet their cats, organize their desk, oh and write. If they read your manuscript then they don't have as much time to do all that.

2. If you want a favor from me AT LEAST READ MY FRIGGING BOOK...Okay? And I mean BUY A COPY!! Don't tell me you intend to read it or you are going to check it out of the library. And if you are going to lie at least get your facts straight. "I loved LOTTERY because I thought it was scary - especially when they stoned her to death."
If you say that I know that you have me and Shirley Jackson mixed up. HINT: My book LOTTERY does not have cliff notes yet.

3. So you want advice. And if something in your letter resonates with me and I happen to have a couple minutes I might give you some. Like...write everyday... find good beta readers WHO ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. If you choose to use an editor then find a good one with PUBLISHING experience if you need help with your manuscript. Attend writers conferences and retreats. Find a writers group.

4. If you ask me what I did then I will tell you. I will be honest. I attended the Hawaii Writers Retreat and Conference. I kept writing. I found readers and editor who were NOT MY FRIENDS and I took criticism happily, readily,with good humor, and not defensively...(Thank you sir may I have another?)

5. FEEDBACK: All feedback is useful. I repeat. ALL FEEDBACK IS USEFUL.
Why? Writing is subjective. What resonates with one person will not resonate with another but listen to it. Know when to implement feedback and when to set it aside.
DON'T say it wasn't what I had in mind. Or is was a bag of twat. Sometimes twat is what is needed to make a story pop (okay that was deco-speak but you know what I mean).

6. If you really want me to help you then get to know me, comment on my blog, post on my facebook page. Let me know that you enjoy what I have to offer and aren't just interested in using me then moving on...If you wonder why authors sometimes are a bit gun shy then that's why. They meet another interesting writer and then BAM!!!! (think Emeril)the writer moves on when we say we can't read their manuscript.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh. It's not meant to be. I can't help but draw parallels between being an author and my father's lottery win. It changes people's attitudes, changes their opinion of you and suddenly you're a cynic.

What to do?
I get grounded with TOOLOOSE.
I know exactly how he feels about me. Merely a vehicle for "Cat Fud" and an itch reliever.He doesn't read my book - he uses it as a combo scratching post and bed.
He doesn't suck up.
He doesn't need to. He knows once his alien space monkey trilogy is published he'll blow me out of the water.
So what's an author to do? Continue to help? How do you draw the line.
And what IS the capital of North Dakota anyway?

DEAR ORION...

2009-08-02T22:08:00.007-10:00

I didn't mean to stray. At first it was innocent. BJ the Captain asked if I would crew and help take a Transpac race boat back to California... I had no idea you were doing surveillance. I can explain...really...

I didn't mean to let it get this far. First it was being alone together in the middle of the Pacific. I mean things happen...I never intended to hurt you. Orient Express and I were thrown together. The wind...The Sea...The sunsets...
It was inevitable.
It began with an occasional turn at the winch.
And then I couldn't resist her speed...her clean lines...That HUGE wheel and there were TWO OF THEM. How could I help but steer her?

Anyway I knew it couldn't last. When we got to Long Beach she ignored me. Acted like what we had didn't mean a thing.
So I will return. Groveling. Begging your forgiveness and hoping someday you can see it in your heart to trust me again.
Yours,
Patricia
(PS if it comes to a divorce YOU have to take both cats. No way am I going to have custodial visits with TOOLOOSE. He's so spiteful. And Girl Kitty keeps hurling...)

GONE FISHING...across the Pacific...

2009-07-15T12:33:00.002-10:00

A new take on intermingling of the species...

By the time you read this I will be packed up and ready to help crew a 70 ft Santa Cruz back to LA from Honolulu with my friend BJ, my new friends Ryan and Naomi and somebody else who I don't know the name of (possibly Hannibal Lector or maybe I just heard wrong)
It should take about two weeks and successfully remove any lingering addiction to the internet and like a recovering heroin addict I will be able to get high on a less amount of online entertainment when I get back.
(For those who don't know me that was a joke...)
So wish me fair skies and brisk winds. Oh Bob Beta reader? Can you post updates in the comments section when Gordon calls you?
Alooooooooha!

If you're in LA drop an email to patwoodauthor@gmail.com

WHY I WILL NEVER TWITTER AND OTHER UNINTERESTING FACTS ABOUT ME...

2009-07-12T14:49:00.002-10:00

I have no self control.
I'm a writer. We tend to think that we can write anything. Anywhere. Anytime.
I've even had to cut back my blogging (and lots of you have noticed). It's just that I can either write many pointless but entertaining blogs or finish my novels.
But on to facts.
It's tempting to go off on tirades, but the thing is that boomerang often times comes back to bite you in the butt. I know. I have butt bruises.
So I'm going to make a pledge to work and play nice with others.
It's one of those things they taught you in kindergarten along with cover your mouth if you cough and don't take other people's things.
Anyway I'm open to other kindergarten aphorisms.

TODAY BEGINS THE COUNTDOWN: Hawaii writers retreat
47 days to go until I work with Jacquelyn Mitchard and Karin Slaughter with HOLLY!!!!!

What I have been doing:
I am putting together what I'm going to work on. I wavered back and forth and decided to bring something new (as opposed to something borrowed or blue).
I have two days to get 10 pages up to speed. I think on a retreat when you will be working with the same group for several days it's important to figure out what your goal is. What you want to get out of the process. So I opted to work on a novel in progress. (not the one my agent has) but one that I have about 34,000 words. Not even a first draft finished. I want to see if my MC has a distinctive authentic voice.
So I hear there is still room at the retreat and conference...
Check it out if you can.
I'm a genuine addict of the Hawaii writers conference and retreat.

LOOKING FOR THOSE JUST REWARDS

2009-07-01T14:54:00.005-10:00

So I was walking down the dock minding my own business...wait that's a lie.

Writers NEVER mind their own business. So I was walking down the dock and saw a squid hanging out so I had to whip out my iPhone and take its photo.
But anyway back to my lying.
It was Sunday school. I think I was maybe four or five. I had an option. Keep the dime or put it in the collection plate. I swallowed it.
"Where did that dime go?" Mrs. McLaren asked.
"Um...I lost it." (Said with shifting eyes and finger in mouth)
I really can't remember anything else because I was upside down being shaken...suffice it to say my teacher got that dime out of me. I knew I had to perfect my fibs.
Fast forward fifty years.
Authors are full of it. Lying I mean. Well, exaggeration. Eavesdropping on conversations, meeting a person with a really cool name that you appropriate for your next book, imagining all sorts of dire possibilities when a friend is late for lunch.
I was speaking with a book club a few weeks ago and someone asked me what I thought the BEST quality a writer could have...and um...I told them.
Be a liar.
Be the best possible liar you can be.
And then lie some more.
All learned from Sunday school so long ago...

NOTE: Check out cool AUCTION HERE.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD AND OTHER LITERARY CONUNDRUMS...

2009-06-30T07:12:00.003-10:00

This photo is courtesy of my friend Jenice.
If there is one truth I have learned over the past year it is this. Constant blogging and finishing a novel are not compatible.
There are other things that are not compatible with writing and completing projects. Shall we list them?
1. A pile of dirty clothes. They rumble, they hiss, they scream out to be washed. Unfortunately this is sex linked because it doesn't seem to affect male writers.
2. A sink full of dirty dishes. The sound made is bubbly-gurgley and persists until resolved. Unfortunately this too is sex-linked.
3. The "what's for dinner" phenomenon. You guessed it. Sex linked.

I tried to find SOMETHING that wasn't related to the male-female thing.
I think I found one:

4. The 'play with the cat' phenomenon. Yep. Cross-gender and highly addictive. Also an insidious time waster.
Closely related to 'feed the cat', 'brush the cat', pick up the cat' and wipe up the cat's hairballs'

My research in this matter has derailed yet another potential productive day of writing.

YOUR BAILOUT DOLLARS AT WORK...

2009-06-23T07:16:00.002-10:00

Check out the bright lights in the middle.

Yes an un-named (because I don't want to be sued) recipient of bail-out funds is having a RETREAT here in Waikiki...
OVERHEARD as we walked by the live band and celebration.

"DON'T BE ASHAMED TO BE HERE! YOU DESERVE IT. YOU ARE THE CREAM OF THE CROP..."

My husband and I looked at each other and I was compelled to take a photo with my iphone.

Yes, it IS stranger than fiction.

There's a book in here somewhere...

A SEA OF JELLIES...AND THE TROPIC OF SCAMMERS...

2009-06-15T17:16:00.003-10:00

The sea jellies are coming... the sea jellies are coming...
Thought you'd all like to see a jelly orgy.

Now I have to apologize. I discovered that I am a scammer. Yes it is true.
I am responsible for all those LOTTERY-SWEEPSTAKES-LUCKY WINNER notifications.

I just got this email.

Dear Ms. Wood,
I have received a notification that I have received a significant sum of money from something called the Patricia Wood Awards Sweepstakes. When I rang a phone number before I would give any personal details, I was told the sweepstake was attached to your name. I was told I had won 350,000 Euros. As you can appreciate, it sounds too good to be true.
Could you verify whether you have any knowledge of this sweepstake organisation in your name? It runs out of an office in Madrid, Spain.

Thanks for your time,
XXXXXXXXX

okay. It's time to come clean. My minions are collecting money from unsuspecting readers.
And you all thought I was just a novelist.
MWA HA HA...

I must go now.
I have a 140 million dollar inheritance that must be claimed in Nigeria.
Laters...

WHAT YOU FIND WHEN YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING...

2009-06-09T07:04:00.003-10:00

I was grocery shopping when I saw this.
1. I had to laugh hysterically
2. I had to buy them
3. I had to laugh hysterically at the check out counter
4. I had to save the box and use it for a pencil holder

Over the years I have discovered something about myself. My sense of humor is often times not the same as other people's. Things that elicit side-splitting guffaws from me typically make other people roll their eyes or at the very most smile ever so slightly.
hmmm...
Tastes vary. Even the books I choose.
Like now.
I'm struggling through Proust in my "spare time" because one of my characters has to read it. I hate when characters make me do things like this. They never make me go to Paris or stay at a spa for a month or eat chocolate.
No.
They force me to read Proust.
The verbosity and attention to detail doesn't bother me. No sir. I look on the bright side. Proust at bedtime beats both sleeping pills AND warm milk.
I'm out like a light.
I'm in the middle of volume one and have six more to go.
Are all characters this mean to their creators?
Tooloose thinks so.
That's why he works with alien space monkeys in his novels.
They're very malleable.
So what do YOUR characters make you do?

PUT ME AWAY. ANYWHERE.

2009-05-29T07:25:00.003-10:00

This is Pupukea.
This will be my tower without a ladder.

A cabin in the woods.
No internet.
No distractions.
Just electricity for my kindle and my computer.

It takes a lot to create a first draft of a novel. No cats needing to be fed. No dinners to fix. No phone calls or long internet ramblings.
Mostly it takes being undisturbed.
When my story is new and unformed I have to immerse myself in it and let it take me where it goes. My first drafts are really quite horrible. They are a large amorphous outline that I'm able to revise and expand. That revision and expansion I can do bit by bit and deal with interruptions but the first draft?
Nope.
I gotta be alone (as Garbo said).
So I'm doing an experiment thanks to my friend Nodie. I'm being isolated intentionally. I will blog about it when I'm done.
Any cheering and suggestions will be gratefully accepted.
As for now?
Hasta la VEEESTA baaaybee!

LANTERN FLOATING FESTIVAL

2009-05-25T20:37:00.004-10:00

The canoes wait for sunset and Shomyo. The sails on the horizon are those of the Hawaiian voyaging canoe Hokulea.

MEMORIAL DAY

Each year thousands of lit lanterns are laid on the ocean in memory of those who are no longer with us.
They will be carried out to sea...

YOU SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA...

2009-05-23T20:10:00.015-10:00

The birthday surprise:
Be on the beach at 2pm in my bathing suit...Where the most excellent surfing instructor JD taught me how to paddle board.
First step be able to carry the board - pass.
Then be able to kneel and get up and down.
NOTE: It helps if you can hold your breath when you fall off the board so you don't get water up your nose. Just a thought...Practice. Practice. Practice...and then...
You have to stand up and BELIEVE me when I say it isn't as easy as it looks...The water was surgy, the wind was picking up, there were lots of swimmers to avoid...and one nanosecond later I plunged into the water ass first. But then I tried again.
And it got easier...
At the end of the day it was apparent that paddle boarding was a lot like writing a novel...

It looks REALLY easy when other people do it well.
Before you get good you have to fall on your ass a bunch of times.
It's easy to criticize how other people do it with out doing it yourself.
It takes practice.
More practice.
And even more practice.
You can't worry what you look like.
And it's way fun.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEE....

2009-05-23T10:13:00.002-10:00

I'm working on my second 29th birthday...

This photo reveals much of what I became.
Wearing slippers on horseback.

I'm told I must be on the beach in my bathing suit at 2 pm sharp for a surprise...
I will let you know what happens if I survive lol!

TOOJOURS SAD RE MISS SNARK

2009-05-20T17:34:00.000-10:00

MAY 20, 2007

TWO YEARS AND COUNTING...

SO SAD TODAY...

IS THAT A DRAGON IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME...

2009-05-18T14:10:00.003-10:00

Here, there be dragons...there, there be dragons...everywhere, there be dragons...

As a writer it's easy to see dragons behind every door.
Editing...
Revising...
Figuring out if I can use the same coffee and filter and just run the water through again...
You know.
Important stuff.

I thought I'd make a list.

THINGS CHARACTERS DO THAT I WOULD NEVER THINK OF DOING

1. Stop at each mirror admiring my tawny legs and my honey golden hair.

2. Go down to the basement when I hear a strange sound when there are Zombies on the loose.

3.Drive on a deserted highway with an eighth of a tank of gas, pick up a hitchhiker, examine a dead body in the road, or get out of my car for any reason other than I've gotten to where I'm going.

Can you think of others????

MAKING GROWN MEN CRY AND OTHER WORTHWHILE ACOMPLISHMENTS...

2009-05-06T16:24:00.005-10:00

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE LETTING YOUR REVISED MANUSCRIPT SIT...

And you answer emails and apologize for making readers cry.
It occurred to me that I may be misunderstanding.
They may not be crying because my words resonated with them.
They may be crying for other reasons...

Dear Ms. Wood,
Your book was okay. I really cried while I read it because my cat died the day before.
I loved that cat...

Dear Ms. Wood,
Your book was not all that great but I found myself crying because I had just peeled 32 onions...

Dear Ms. Wood,
Your book was adequate but I just had to tell you I cried all the way through because of your use of language. It's so sad to see split infinitives. They're so lonely...

Dear Ms. Wood,
I was going to tell you I liked your book because I cried while I was reading It but then I realized I hadn't stopped crying after reading The Art of Racing in the Rain. It wasn't your book at all...

It could be worse.
I could be getting letters from TOOLOOSE.

DER MZ WOD,

I CRID BECUZ THER WAZ NO CAT FUD.
I DID NUT RED YOR BOOK.
YR CAT,
TOOLOOSE

P S ( IF YOU FEED ME I WIL RED IT MAYBEE...)

WHAT I DID ON MY WEEKEND VACAY...

2009-04-26T17:27:00.006-10:00

CAN YOU FIND...

The mama and baby monk seal in the rocks on this beach?

I got to play with other authors on the island of Kauai. We were all invited to speak at a literary festival called Celebrate Reading this past weekend.
It was quite thrilling. Christopher Moore talked about his book FOOL. Markus Zusak discussed THE BOOK THIEF. I talked about LOTTERY. My friend Kaui Hart Hemmings talked about her book THE DESCENDANTS. Kiana Davenport talked about THE HOUSE OF MANY GODS. Witi Ihimaera talked about WHALE RIDER.Plus Kealoha did his nationally recognized slam poetry.
It was great fun to chat in our "green room" and compare horrible reviews, emails from readers who tell us all the mistakes in our books and each time someone comes up to us and says, "And you are WHO??? Have I ever heard of you? Have I read your book???"

Unfortunately Chris sneaked away before we could snap the photo but I can photo shop him in later...
After we were done for the day everyone else went back to Oahu and I got to do a gig with Kealoha at a coffee shop later for the Kauai Backstory Writers Group. It was great fun...And a COFFEE SHOP? Well I was in caffeine heaven.
Anyway...
The point of this post is that just talking to readers and other authors for two days got me so charged up that I was anxious to get back to work.
I hadn't realized how drained I was working on my current project.
It felt so good I'm going to ask you all for "recharge" suggestions.

THERE IS NOTHING IN LIFE THAT CANNOT BE FIXED BY WEARING A TIARA...

2009-04-14T17:40:00.007-10:00

I wasn't a cheerleader. I wasn't homecoming queen or even runner up. When I went to proms we were protesting the war in Vietnam and frilly dresses and tiaras were oh so out.
Long hair and unshaved airpits were in.
Suffice it to say I never had an opportunity to wear a tiara.

But I wanted one.
Oh how I wanted one. I walked by shops and they would call to me.
"Hey you! Yeah. You loser. You never were crowned Miss Pea Patch 1967. Or San Juan County Fair Queen."
My deepest darkest desire. Not the winning of the crown.
The wearing of it.
Flash forward fift...er just flash forward.
So I walk by this shop and I see the tiaras in the window.
What was I waiting for? Permission?
I bought one. I didn't even lie and say it was for my daughter. No sir. I said it was for me.
Tiaras are interesting. You don't squash them onto your head like a headband. They are pinned. I had to go to Longs Drugstore for bobbypins.
I have my tiara. My life is complete. And I got to thinking...
How many times in your life do you not get want you want because you don't give yourself permission to go for it?
Let's each find our own unique tiara.
And I give you all permission to go out and get it.
Today.
And let me know what it is.
On your mark.
Get set.
TIARA.

A JEN-YOU-WHINE TIKI BAR

2009-04-07T07:21:00.008-10:00

So where's a Tiki Bar when you need one?
The answer?
Here in Hawaii...I could just imagine the end-of-the-line "gumshoe' sitting there nursing his bloody mary at 11 am.
Heck.
I wanted to write about him.
Just the atmosphere made me want to sit down and type out a few thousand words of pulp fiction.
Reminded me of Firesign Theater...
"There she was...at the top of the stairs...all those curves under that flimsy burnoose..."

I guess ya had to be there.
Inspiration strikes again.

oh and Tooloose is now working on a alien space monkey detective story set in New Orleans.
"But you've never been to New Orleans!" I told him.
And he replied that he'd never been to the planet Goroptia either but he's writing about that...

FYI:
I did an academic piece in this journal.: REVIEW OF DISABILITY STUDIES
About a GREAT book by Andrew Beierle called FIRST PERSON PLURAL

DINGHYS GONE WILD...OR BLAME IT ON THE GAS FILTER...

2009-04-01T07:54:00.010-10:00

It was supposed to have been a leisurely motor around the harbor. Maybe swing by the fuel dock for an ice cream. Poke our noses out and watch the surfers at Inbetweens and Kaisers and check out the fishermen throwing their lines off Ala Moana.
Aw heck lets go a little further.
Oops it's rolling swells.
I'm getting wet.
Lets turn around.
Clunk.
Sudden silence where there should have been a gently humming outboard engine.

Me: "Honey is there something wrong with the engine?"

Him: (growling) "No."

Me: "Are you sure sweetie?"

Him: (growling louder while pulling the ropey starter thingy) YES I'M SURE!!!"

Me: "Should we ask those nice men laughing on the shore to help us?"

Him: "NO!!!"
Let's just say we were lucky to have a pair of oars.
Rowing hard against the wind and current. The threat of the rocky breakwater. Blisters forming on tender fingers that should have been typing away on a keyboard...all this and more.
But I have to admit it was fun imagining the headlines.

"Author lost at sea. Husband says 'she was right there and then I turned around and she was gone.'"

Look at the bright side. Signed works always rise in value on ebay after the artist dies mysteriously.

A PARANOTTER BY ANY OTHER NAME IS STILL A BRAZIL NUT...OR FUN WITH BABELFISH

2009-03-24T10:07:00.014-10:00

BEGINNING OF THE RAINBOW

MIDDLE OF THE RAINBOW

END OF THE RAINBOW

NEWS FLASH: IT'S BEEN CONFIRMED. THE END OF THE RAINBOW IS IN WAIKIKI...

So every time I think I too much to do and lots of revisioning work I either play computer Mah jong or I get a foreign review that's been well... er... uh...translated?
Here is a portion of the selected review for your reading pleasure:

"Which brings us to the most new book turning right and left gaming, Lottery by Patricia Wood.If you haven’t heard well-nigh this still, you will.And later, suppose that you’re staminate, you’ll exist dragged into perception the movie.
Wood is unfeigned whenever she writes around how she knows: the mentally disabled, sailboats and engaging a state lottery (her engender won one).
She writes likely the beginning contriver (she expressions of gratitude the Maui Writers Retreat) she is well-nigh everything other.
Wood does a good job of giving spoken sound to Perry L.
Crandall, I.Q. of 76."

Okay...Now...

If I'm REALLY lucky I get to work with my foreign translators who ask me what is "hair of the dog that bit you" and "don't get your girdle in a knot." or "education schmeducation."
Hey! I hear you laughing!
I challenge you to translate. It's like a puzzle and totally fun. It can distract me ALL DAY...
and then I go back to playing solitaire...er I go back to editing...

So here's the game.
I'm going to give you phrases that my various translators have asked me about and give you a chance to interpret so the translator can understand... There just MIGHT be a prize involved.
The one who makes coffee shoot out my nose is the winner...

PHRASE #1
"Coffee shoot out my nose..."

Phrase #2
"Don't get your girdle in a knot."

Phrase #3
"From Hell to breakfast."

Phrase #4
"Working under the table."

Okay. Ready. Set. Man your thesaurus.
Go.

THE VIEW FROM HERE...

2009-03-18T07:00:00.003-10:00

A very fun review and interview...This literary magazine has received well deserved awards.

DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE...

2009-03-16T11:42:00.008-10:00

So I wasn't really looking for inspiration when I watched the Honolulu Festival Parade. I was taking a break from my next big revision...and...voila!!!

A real honest to goodness fire breathing dragon.
Everybody's got them.
It occurred to me that revision is like fighting the dragon. You have to kill it to go any further. It's scary. It's hard. Dragons can be tricky and mean.
When you succeed however you feel on top of the world.
And then?
Well there's always the next task in any good fantasy.
And in the parade I found mine:
The giant lighted beating drum...

Who knew?
So what's your big bug a boo?
Tooloose says his is "findin tha Kiddee fud bol emtee."

IT'S A BIRD...IT'S A PLANE...IT'S A FLYING GUNARD...

2009-03-08T22:16:00.004-10:00

Your marine science minute...

Sometimes just walking down the dock you see very unusual things. Unexpected things.
I stood there watching the fish hunt while I took photos with my iPhone -- I collected quite a crowd.
"Hey it's walking around."
"Are those legs?"
No, I told them. They're modified pectoral fins.
Once a science teacher always a science teacher. They're lucky I didn't assign them two chapters to read and an essay to write.
I forget how cool it is to hang out in a harbor and what good fun it is to be a writer.
Those people didn't know it but they became characters in a scene I wrote later that day.
Coming into contact with an author can be hazardous to your privacy.
Be afraid.
Be VERY afraid.

CHARACTERS WITH POTTY MOUTHS...WHAT'S AN AUTHOR TO DO?

2009-03-05T07:23:00.003-10:00

(Photo courtesy of Peg-the-librarian-on-vacation)

I've had a few letters from readers and an occassional comment from a "book clubber" about why some of my characters "talk dirty." They ask why I did that.
I'm here to tell you it was totally out of my control.
There I've let the secret out: Authors have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER THE WAY THEIR CHARACTERS TALK.
The more I tried to edit those naughty bits the more they'd sneak them in and do you know how hard it is to wash an imaginary person's mouth out with soap? It's not a pretty sight.
In LOTTERY both Keith and Gram made me blush. After a while I came to see that they weren't me and weren't even a reflection of me- It was important for them to be salty for contrast and so they were more authentic- Have you ever met a Vietnam vet who DIDN'T use the F-word?
So I heaved a big sigh and allowed them free rein.
The characters in my new project are very circumspect and control their utterances remarkably well.
But I know some form of embarrassment is lurking...
Tooloose on the other hand has been inspired by this whole thing and has a new WIP ready to go. It's called THE BOOK OF NAUGHTY WORDS.
Of course it's totally from a cat's point of view and contains the words DIET, BATH, and VET.
How about you?
DO naughty words turn you off or turn you on????

I'VE GONE TO THE DARK SIDE...

2009-02-26T08:29:00.003-10:00

Kindle2 -- this puppy is all it's cracked up to be...

I know...I know...I hear you all throwing rotten tomatoes at me. I'm ducking. But before you start lobbing the eggs consider this: I WORK ON A BOAT!!!!!!!I want novels the INSTANT they come out and I HAVE NO ROOM AT THE INN FOR ONE MORE BOOK.
Okay my rant is done.
1500 books. I can put my manuscripts on it (I just did last night)This will save me printing out copies for my husband to read. I used its free wireless connection and shopped until I dropped and essentially paid used book prices...and I bought books that I already had a hard copy of cuz it's easier-
But it doesn't mean I wont buy hard covers-
For example -- I want to read Christopher Moore's new book FOOL now, and since we will both be speaking at a literature festival together on Kauai in April -- I will buy ANOTHER book for him to sign. I love signed books...
Even at that I will have far less books total.
But Tooloose is NOT happy. The Kindle2 is very skinny so it's not comfortable to lie on AND being smaller it's much harder to aim that strategic hairball placement that he does to things that are precious to me.
The Kindle enhances my reading but does not replace it- the cool feature is it can 'read' to me- now it's not as wonderful as the actors on the audios so it wont compete - but it's a great added feature-
And? for those times my eyes are tired I can increase the font size- I found the page turning and the reading instantly easy-

So what I'm doing today? I'm going to the beach to see if I CAN read it perfectly fine in bright sunlight...
But so far?
I love Love LOVE my kindle2.
Now lets discuss. (I feel like Churchlady) Do you think the kindle is evil? Do you think ebooks are the spawn of Satan? And do you eat the middle out of the Oreo cookie before eating the two ends?

DUP DUP DUP DA DUP DUP OUT MY BACK PORCH...

2009-02-22T18:44:00.003-10:00

Orion is in the thick of things now. From country ketch to city slicker.
Change is good. I'm inspired by change. I walked along the beach behind some tourists arguing about what to do next.
"This is our VACATION dammit! Enjoy yourself!"
"Hey don't blame me! I wanted to go to Vegas. You were the one who thought gambling was legal here. Remember?"
I wandered over to the Harbor eatery and overheard a couple of sailors moan about loosing a race due to pre-race celebrations and the alcohol consumed the night before because it COULDN'T be the women who beat them were better sailors. Nope. Never happen.
I trundled across the parking lot and watched a couple kids fishing for tilapia and catching an old net and getting REALLY excited about that. I thought to myself that's how I need to be. Happy no matter what.
So what am I doing now?
Cleaning out my refrigerator cuz all my soda got shaken up on the sail and exploded...
Ya had to be there...

Oh and THIS JUST IN an INTERVIEW WITH TOOLOOSE (I wondered what he was doing on my iPhone the other day...

EVERYBODY'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG...

2009-02-18T11:06:00.005-10:00

On the top of a mountain somewhere in Hawaii...

A warm barn, an indoor arena, a grassy field and pasture? What more could two horses want?
So now the horses are happy in their new digs and Tooloose was jealous. Nothing would do but that he and girl kitty got into the act...brand new kitty carriers...

But now he's in the dog house - or rather cat house -
Last night I left the companionway open for a little air, turned my back and ?
No Tooloose.
I looked all over.
I finally found him strolling the dock and having a beer with friends.
"Where have you been?" I yelled. "It's late!"
"Oops!" he meowed. "Didn't mean to get caught caterwauling."

He ran around the deck twice trying to avoid me then ran between my legs back into the boat.
Bad kitty.
BAD KITTY.
He told me later he was just doing research for this new idea for a book he has. I told him to finish his first one but he says this new one's a high concept thriller.
He's calling it "Cat Out of the Bag." It'll be a series.
"Cat Nipped"
"Cat Napped"
"Cats Gone Wild"

I cat wait...

CHANGE IS GOOD...

2009-02-16T08:16:00.004-10:00

ORION'S new slip is ready for her.

So what's involved when you want to move a 48 foot sailboat?

First you measure the actual length from "bowsprit to bumpkin." NOTE: A 48 foot sailboat is not 48 feet... she is more like 56 feet... kind of like when you answer that pesky little question about weight on your drivers license. IDEAL versus REAL.

Next you make sure the engine is good to go -- it's a long trip 5 to 8 hours and mostly beating (straight into the wind) - so you change the fuel filters, find a crack in the fuel line, get air into the engine and in the process and discover an acutely necessary $7 fitting that is no where to be had in the entire Hawaiian islands. This also involves much hand wringing (by the wife/first mate) and the discovery of the first corollary of sailing.
"WHEN THE ENGINE IS NON-FUNCTIONAL OR THE SAILS IN DISREPAIR THE WEATHER WILL BE PRISTINE FOR YOUR JOURNEY"

So then day after day passes...you are SO close. You get the fuel line repaired. The fitting arrives overnight four days later...oops...you need THIS fitting as well that is ordinarily found at Home Depot but...GUESS WHAT? Not today!
Suffice it to say much more drama and handwringing ensues...AND THEN?
The engine starts and purrs like the proverbial well fed feline. The sail covers are off. The boat ready to go and?
The discovery of the SECOND corollary of sailing...
"WHEN THE BOAT IS IN TIP TOP SHAPE AND READY TO GO THE WEATHER WILL SUCK BIG TIME."

And so ORION waits to shove off.
Stay tuned.

NOTE: For your information BETA READER BOB doubles as HANDY DANDY WEATHER ADVISOR AND DELIVERY CREW. Tooloose has opted out of the trip. He's miffed because HE wanted to be captain. He said it was his turn and Gordon was being selfish. Instead he's driving one of the cars to Waikiki and doing research on where exactly IS the best place for Mai tai's...

TAKEN BY MY iPHONE...

2009-02-13T07:11:00.002-10:00

This was taken the morning of the tornado...I am NOT kidding...there was a tornado in Hawaii at 1 pm Wednesday and it was VERY CLOSE to me... it picked a golf cart up -although that could just have been the golfer's really good excuse for a Mulligan...I don't know.
Anyway I happened to be writing in my cockpit at the time so I missed it.
That's the lesson for today.
You can be busily writing while wonderful things are happening all around you-- that's not to say that a tornado is particularly a wonderful thing but it would have been cool to check it out -- instead I was "defragmenting" my manuscript.
Schucks...
I hope someone comes to get me when there's a Hurricane.
I'd really hate to miss that.

FIGHT YOUR INNER TROLL...

2009-02-05T15:35:00.005-10:00

Take careful note... we each have one of these TROLLS deep inside us...

So I guess everyone has heard Stephen King's rant about authors he thinks are crappy writers.
I would like to respectfully disagree with Stephen. During the Honolulu Book festival I was on a panel that discussed what was "bad" literature and what was "good" literature and I suppose I'll now be black listed from further panels as I said there was no such thing as "bad" literature...Let me explain. There are so many tastes and levels of reading ability that there is something for everyone -- And I don't think there's some perfect arbiter that I'm willing to let decide for me what's good writing and what's bad writing. Now I know what I LIKE...interestingly enough it's rarely what my sister likes...now my husband and I have similar tastes but Tooloose is constantly buying alien space monkey science fiction magical realism love stories that I simply can't get into...I think you get my drift.
So I don't think it's right that an author says another author is a crappy writer in an interview...I think it's a really mean thing to do. It's HARD to write a book. I refuse to diss someone publicly. It's not right...
But if we see each other at a bar and you buy me a a couple of black Russians and a few Singapore Slings...well then...all bets are off.

HEY! WHO'S STEERING THE BOAT?

2009-01-29T10:43:00.002-10:00

Today's subject?
Annoying writer habits – Those irritating idiosyncrasies that are immediately recognizable in OTHER writers.
My resource for this blog post is Tooloose the soon-to-be-famous aspiring writer.
Notice I’ve said “aspiring writer”. Tooloose has not actually successfully WRITTEN anything (that pesky absence of the opposable thumb). He is an “aspiring” writer, which is the level just under the “aspiring” author.
TOOLOOSE'S LIST OF BAD HABITS

1. Discussing writing, debating literary strategies, outlining the premise of the sure to be BIG BOOK but never actually putting anything down on paper. For example: Tooloose’s opus KILLER ALIEN SPACE MONKEYS DON’T GIVE WATER TO ELEPHANTS. You notice that Tooloose has incorporated the first rule of writerly wisdom making his title similar to a successful best selling novel. He has also changed his pen name to Tooloose Gruen: Sara’s furry sibling. He is working on getting a blurb from her. I suggested he might want to write the book, first but he is adamant on his networking strategy.

2. Talking about oneself in third person. Writers enjoy practicing point of view and implementing these techniques in their daily life. Notable examples include answering machine messages:
“Tooloose is unable to come to the phone as he is debating using second person plural for his monkey POV being inspired by Joshua Ferris and all. But when he has finished his reverie he will be sure to return your call.”
Of course this applies not just to writers but other artists as well.
“Van Gogh is indisposed at the moment hunting for his missing ear but as soon as he finds it he will call you right back…”

3. Writers take secret notes of what their friends say in conversation with the excuse that it would be great dialogue for a particular scene. Not only that they use their friends' personalities for characters and even their friends' or relatives' names with no compensation. Such a rip off. I notice Tooloose’s MC is named “Rub Elm” . He can’t fool me. I know what he’s doing…

Blogging Buddies I’m sure you all have even better examples of WV (Writer’s Vices). You are welcome to make your own contributions in the comments section…
Oops…I just noticed Tooloose just added a fourth one --
“Arogant an Pushee auters wo tink ther beg stuf and wo don pud enuf cat fud in bol and starv ther pur cats…”

YA KINDA SORTA HAD TO BE THERE...

2009-01-25T21:17:00.002-10:00

What you find when you look...

The year was um er 1959? 1960?
I do know it was Mr. Hanson the fireman and it was a HUGE deal to have a tour of the fire station.
I remember I was acutely disappointed there was no dog. Nada. None. And I wanted to ride in the fire truck. I felt sure that would be part of the deal.
But we did get graham crackers and some sort of juice.
And we did get the picture. I have moved from place to place but this is a memento I've never lost.
So the contest is on.
Which one is me?
On your mark.
Get set.
GO!!!

GETTING IN THE MOOD...

2009-01-21T22:36:00.002-10:00

This is one of the photos I'm using for inspiration for my next novel. I changed it to sepia and kind of like the affect.
I'm lucky I don't write SF. Imagine how hard it would be to get pictures of space ships engaged in battle or farms on Mars...or those twenty tentacled alien lobster monsters.
I often wonder how Tooloose does it as I think that's his genre. Well he doesn't call it SF. He prefers to think he's writing a pararomantiliterarlmystericalthriller.
I think he's doing it so he gets his very own shelf in the book store.
He SAYS he's ahead of his time and is a ground breaking artiste.
Of course it's all a moot point until he actually FINISHES it.
I tell him he's got to WRITE to do that and he just rolls his eyes.
Suffering for his art.
Always suffering.

HOPE IS A POWERFUL THING...

2009-01-20T08:22:00.002-10:00

I used to live just outside of Washington DC in Alexandria Virginia while I was stationed at Ft. Belvoir. This was in the turbulent '70's.
I remember the monuments, the Smithsonian and the mall. I am there today in spirit.
This is a great day to be an American and from Hawaii.

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

2009-01-15T09:36:00.003-10:00

There are some things in this world you just have to think about.
Like this...

Good afternoon, Dear Patricia.
My family and me are admirers of You. I beg Your pardon, but I have a request to make. I am one people who wishes the picture with Your autograph.
Thank You preliminary with great pleasure. I wish You happiness, good health and all success.
With love from Lithuania.
Respectfully Yours
Antanas Abromaitis
My complete address:
Antanas Abromaitis
Pasilaiciu 8
Vilnius
Lithuania

Now I have this other fan in India who keeps making the same request. I had no idea I was that popular. Of course I thought I was the only one...but when I googled these guys I found out they ask everyone for a signed photo.
Gee.
I feel bummed. I thought it was just me.
But I think I'll send one anyway...
This one entitled "The author and friend."

signed:
TOOLOOSE

FUN AND GAMES

2009-01-13T09:57:00.006-10:00

What I do when I'm between projects...

I read REALLY FUN CHILDREN'S BOOKS
And I'm REALLY enjoying this one! You guys might want to run out and buy it...right now. Go.
My reading tastes are eclectic. From Kafka to Rowling. From Monk-Kidd to Merwin. From Simenon to Allingham.
I need a way to set my imagination free. Let it run wild. Reading Cchildren's books helps me do that. I even re read classics from when I was small.
When I finish with a draft and send it on to my agent I have to let that story go so I can come back to it fresh. See it with new eyes. So I figure out ways to start generating new ideas.

I'll even take breaks by line editing my other manuscripts. Something. Anything to keep me going.
New ideas. When you get them immediately write them down because if you don't, you lose them. Trust me.
My new idea is a story about sailing. About a man looking for a second chance. And a boat. It started with a giant "What if?"
I have other ideas but this one grabbed me. If you're wondering? You don't take hold of the ideas, they take hold of you.

And inbetween reading and writing and editing?
I do book clubs for LOTTERY on speaker phone and SKYPE.
How's that for variety?
So I interviewed TOOLOOSE and asked him where he got his ideas.
And he said:
thuts a ned 2 no basus.

But I suspect that he steals them from Girl Kitty.

I saw him taking notes.
He's like that.

BE AFRAID...BE VERY AFRAID...

2009-01-07T06:45:00.010-10:00

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEEN SNOW BEFORE...I did last year at HOLLY'S HOUSE.

Lucky I bought a hat in Calgary cuz I used it when I had to shovel snow at my father's...

I admit it. I'm afraid of the cold. It's even hard for me to open the refrigerator. I use a down comforter in Hawaii at night.
So sue me.
Any way I got to thinking what everyone's afraid of.
After reading some of my writers' message boards I realized people are still afraid others are going to steal their manuscripts.
They copyright them...they mail them to themselves in an unopened envelope...they have other writers sign affidavits...
PEOPLE GET REAL!!! No one is going to steal an unpublished writer's manuscript. Unless it's to hold open a door. Or raise the level of a chair. Or use as mulch. Or firewood (actually this is really true. I know of an established author who burned unsolicited manuscripts in her fireplace during a particularly cold winter but that's an entirely different story.)
Anyway...There are LOTS of better things to worry about...your 401 K going into the toilet...who's going to win the next Dancing with the Stars...and whether they'll ever bring back Buffy the Vampire Slayer to primetime TV...
Oh.
And you can worry about why some unidentified person chose to put a completely wrong description of your book in EVERY SINGLE online bookseller in the UK...
Like they did for mine:

Lottery: The fortunes and misfortunes of Perry L. Crandall now offered in paperback--

"Britain's former prime minister is holed up in a remote, ocean-front house in America, struggling to finish his memoirs, when his long-term assistant drowns. A professional ghostwriter is sent out to rescue the project - a man more used to working with fading rock stars and minor celebrities than ex-world leaders. The ghost soon discovers that his distinguished new client has secrets in his past that are returning to haunt him - secrets with the power to kill. Robert Harris is once again at his gripping best with the most controversial new thriller of the decade."

Hmmm...

A prize to the person who tells me the title of the book this back flap copy is from...

So what are YOU afraid of?

PARIS HILTON, MINI-ME AND BOOK CLUB SELECTIONS

2009-01-05T06:14:00.003-10:00

Okay maybe not Paris Hilton...but the other stuff is true.

Tooloose is over the moon. He got his very own Tiny Tooloose for Christmas so it's really quite impossible for him to work on his manuscript. He's busy carrying T.T. around. Grooming him. Trying to get him to eat (he's quite finicky).
But the UK edition of LOTTERY is out now! YIPPEE SKIPPEE!
And it's been chosen as the TESCO BOOK CLUB SELECTION for January 09!!!
The paperback of LOTTERY: The fortunes and misfortunes of Perry L. Crandall was released in the UK on January 1, 2009.

Lots to do. Lay in the sun. Swim. Listen to the waves lap against ORION while sipping a glass of wine. Thinking of all my relatives and friends slogging through the snow...

Oh yeah, and those other things...like New Year's resolutions...
working on those...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIRBORNE

2008-12-31T07:59:00.002-10:00

Every January 1st thoroughbreds automatically turn one year older. Airborne is 27+ which is amazingly old for a horse. He's still being ridden and still jumps when the mood strikes him. I've owned him for over 20 years.

He's able to shy and bolt and unseat a rider even at his age. He's done everything from hunters and jumpers to musical kurs to combined training in his lifetime. And he's a mystery.
One that I'm trying to solve.
Thoroughbreds have an upper lip tattoo if they've been on the track. His is practically unreadable. I know his sire : Sensitive Music but little else except that he was most likely foaled in '81 or '82 and raced on the west coast until a bowed tendon sidelined him.
So I'm trying to research his lineage and race record with the help of the jockey club and my friends who showed with me in the '80's.
Why?
Because it's been a mystery for as long as I've owned him and it has something to do with my next novel.
And I want to find out.
It compels me this curiosity. The very same curiosity and desire that makes a reader not want to put down a book. That makes a reader turn each page until they get to the end.
That's why.
So here's to 2009.
And the solution to Airborne's past.
And we both wish a happy new year to all bloggers!
May you attain just enough of your goals to give you heart to continue but not all of them so you still have something to aim for.
Much aloha and see you next year!

LETITSNOWLETITSNOWLETITSNOW...

2008-12-24T07:05:00.002-10:00

To those of you who guessed the Pacific Northwest you are right!

So I'm presently going back over those winter scenes that I wrote in Hawaii.
There are some things that are better to experience first hand.
Your breath condensing on the inside of your scarf making your face wet.
How cold starts from your thighs and migrates to your butt and how when you come inside your butt stays cold much longer.
Of course that might be a function of fat.
Hard to tell.
But other things.
Like hills. How hard it is to walk through deep snow.
Like the sharp smell of evergreen. The smell of the cold. The feel of frigid air in my nose.
The sounds of ripping chains against the slushy pavement and crackling wood fire in the insert.
Lots of things.
Like no matter how many pairs of socks you put on it isn't enough.
My tan lines are fading.
Help me...
Send sun.

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS PATRICIA WOOD?

2008-12-22T05:34:00.002-10:00

HINT #1: It's NOT HERE...

So where am I? The state of confusion? The place of no return? The depth of despair? The pinnacle of euphoria?
It ain't Kansas that's for sure.
And it's not Hawaii.
HINT #2: I spent 2 hours shoveling cold wet white stuff out of a driveway.

AND consuming mass quantities of hot buttered rum which to a sailor is mother's milk.

HINT#3: Tooloose is nowhere to be found!

So bloggers guess away. The answer and more pictures to follow tomorrow!

RED SUNRISE IN THE MORNING WAS A SAILOR'S WARNING...

2008-12-17T06:10:00.006-10:00

So this was what I woke up to.

I don't know if it's true or not but I'll let you know. It might have been a delayed warning about the weather we had LAST week.
But it did get me to thinking.
All those homilies and aphorisms that we hear...
"For example.
"That's a good way to lose an arm."
I mean really. Has anybody actually made a study of this?
And who do they test it on?

"Bad things come in threes."
Great. If it were ONLY three. But who's counting?

"What goes around comes around."
Now I in fact say this. But does this happen? Or is it just an obvious statement of physics?

I'm sure you bloggers can come up with a ton more.

I'm working on one right now. It has to do with Tooloose.
I came up with it right after he hurled into my packed suitcase.
"Cats have nine lives."
I want to check it out.

"Here Kitty Kitty..."

LUCKY WE LIVE ON A BOAT IN HAWAII (NOT)

2008-12-11T08:19:00.011-10:00

So this is what a tropical storm looks like when you live on a 50 foot sailboat. First the wind blows so vigorously it smears the wet on the bimini (cockpit enclosure).

Then the rain pours so hard that you have to go on deck at 4 am and lay tarps. NOTE: It only leaks on MY side of the bed.

Then when there is a lull - you are lured out to take pictures of the brown-red water in the harbor and you stray too far and get caught by a squall and drenched.

So I'm writing in my cute little office in the forward cabin. The boat is tossing and heeling at the dock and my office chair rolls back and forth. I'm starting to get a bit sea sick. Girl Kitty and Tooloose are DEFINITELY experiencing 'mal de mer' in fact I've stepped in it twice...
So what's a writer to do?
Easy... I'm working on the part in my new novel where there's a storm...
It's like they say...
Write what you know.
So what's the weather like in YOUR neck of the woods?

A DAY THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY...

2008-12-05T21:06:00.005-10:00

Happy Anniversary Pat and Gordon
From Tooloose

December 7, 1986.
Gordon chose it because being from Hawaii he knew he'd always be able to remember the date. And yes...he wrote the invitation as a day that will live in infamy and encouraged the guests to come in costume...which many did.
As an added enticement he added a line on the invitation saying that at least two of the Beatles or Henry Kissinger would attend.
Alas.
They did not.
But our horses Belle and Gofer had a great time. And we DID make the Everett Herald so there ya go.
Oh and my horse Belle (show name Pretty in Pink) and I also did the hunters at the Evergreen Classic. So Weddings and Hunters. What a gal.

Ah the eighties...
Interestingly enough my next book takes place in the eighties...
So Gordon and I will be holoholo (on vacation) this weekend.
And Tooloose will be in charge of ORION.
Uh oh.

I CAN HAZ MANUSCRIPTZ

2008-12-01T20:54:00.006-10:00

Tooloose's Clazz on Book Publizity 101

Imagine if you will waking up to this visage staring at you.
So Tooloose has or rather haz this idea. He thinkz rather than him taking the time to actually write a book he can help you promote yourz.
So here it is.
TOOLOOSE WOOD'Z TOP FIVE ZECRETZ FOR AUTHORZ.

1. Replace the Z on your computer with a Z (Oppz already did that). This way the readerz will know you are on the cutting edge of literature.

2. Pay somebody famouz to carry your book around. Like Hulk Holgan or the little tiny pointlezz dog in all thoze dizney moviez.

3. Leave your book in reztroomz all over like at airportz and train ztationz and reztaurantz.

4.Zneak into Good Morning America or the Today zhow and do not get thrown out.

5. Write another book that iz better than your firzt one.

Zo there you have it boyz and girlz and azpiring writerz.

Now.

Where is the cat fud you promized me?

THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR...AND OTHER FANTASIES

2008-11-26T18:48:00.011-10:00

I am thankful for being able to hold a rum and coke under one arm and tequilla and lime in the other.

I am thankful for Girl Kitty's abject honesty about how she REALLY feels about the salability of a manuscript.

I am thankful when I can avoid stepping in Girl Kitty's abject honesty in the morning before I have my coffee.

I am thankful that the cool gray fish with the triangular fin that the kid on the snorkle boat was tossing hamburger to WASN'T interested in "the other white meat."

I am thankful that I see the light at the end of the tunnel when I finish a first draft.

And sunsets.
I am most definitely thankful for sunsets.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING BLOGGERS!

What are you thankful for?

MONKEY TREE OHHH MONKEY TREEEEEEE...

2008-11-23T09:05:00.003-10:00

Silliness is as silliness does...A new spin on on old Christmas standard.

So I been getting mail.
Lots of email. Some from readers. Some from writers and other authors.

And requests. I'm getting lots of requests that...well...defy explanation.

I OFFER YOU THE LATEST MISSIVE I'VE RECEIVED...

Bonjour ,
Je vous écris avec beaucoup d'hésitation ses quelques lignes pour vous
décrire ma situation.
En espérant trouver compassion auprcs de vous car cela s'impose r moi
vue la pénible et difficile condition de vie que je mcne présentement.
Mais avant, je tiens r me présenter r vous. Mon nom est madame ALESIA ATOLEVNA
MAROKINA, je suis de nationalité Russe et veuve.
Mon Epoux est décédé dans le désastre de Tsunami en Thadlande. Je suis
hériticre des biens de mon époux d'ou la somme de 4.500.000 de dollars
américains. J'ai en ce moment quelques difficultés avec ma belle famille
qui veut mettre la main sur certains biens.

AND THE BABLE FISH TRANSLATION...

I write to you with much hesitation its some lines to describe you my situation. While hoping to find compassion you because that impose me seen the painful one and difficult living condition that I am at present. But front, I hold to introduce to you. My name is Mrs ALESIA ATOLEVNA MAROKINA, I am of Russian and widowed nationality. My Husband is deceased in the disaster of Tsunami in Thailand. I am inheritor of goods of my husband or summons it of $4.500.000 of American dollars. I have in this moment some difficulties with my beautiful family which wants to put the hand on certain goods...

You have to hand it to them. They're persistent. It's just that I um...don't speak and read French all that well or any other language for that matter - including English...

And what's with men from India and Thailand asking for signed photos of a 50 + year old author?
What's up with that?

Inquiring writerly minds want to know.

LOREN FISKE FAN CLUB FOREVER

2008-11-16T20:24:00.004-10:00

38 years ago me and a bunch of other slackers in High School made a perfectly innocuous guy famous.
Loren Fiske.
November 1970.
The day of the creation of the Loren Fiske Fan Club
I know it was this date as that's what's written on the back of the photo. It's one of those memories that you forget and one picture suddenly brings it all back. We were the Anti-Cheerleaders. The Anti-Jocks. The Anti-Student Body Presidents. The Anti Peggy-Sues.
And while we weren't exactly bad. We were the poets. The writers. The drama club. The artists.
We were BAD...
At least we wanted to be when our parents would let us.
Anyway we started a fan club. Actually if I'm correct it was Dave Overby that started it. And maybe Kevin Cobley. And then we all joined.
And the rest was history.
It was a stellar moment for us pre-geeks.
We had membership cards.
A special hand signal.
And caused great perplexity and cacophony during pep rallys by yelling "Loren Fiske...Loren Fiske...Loren Fiske..."
If we had been better organized I know we could have gotten him elected Homecoming Queen. Or at least Princess.
But that was a long time ago.
In a galaxy far, far away.
When I was young.

Can you spell N-O-S-T-A-L-G-I-A?

HOLO HOLO WITH ANTI-WIFE

2008-11-09T08:01:00.003-10:00

I took Anti-Wife to my favorite Heiau in the mountains of Pupukea.

We talked about home remodeling, writing, how beautiful Oahu is, writing, how fun it is to go holo holo (play hooky), writing, what wine we should buy (white), writing, how Tooloose is even stranger than I describe him, writing, how much fun it is to sit on ORION and listen to the water, and oh yes...writing.

The conversation turned to Tooloose and his Alien Space Monkey Memoir...
We waited until Tooloose left the room.
Anti-Wife: "How's it coming?"

PW: "Not good. He needs several more revisions, has an enormous amount of tense errors as cats live entirely in the present. This becomes problematic in a memoir. Plus he's never actually been an Alien Space Monkey."

Anti-Wife:"Have you explained it to him? Talked to him about it? I mean he has a real advantage living with a published author."

PW: "I know. I know, but he doesn't listen to me. When I make suggestions he just says we disagree stylistically."

Anti-Wife: "It is hard when writers can't take constructive criticism isn't it? Maybe it's you. Maybe he'll listen to me?"

PW: "Here. Read his first prologue and see what you think."

Anti-Wife: "First prologue? What do you mean by first prologue?"

PW: "He's not using chapters. He's doing everything in prologues. You know. Prologue 1, prologue 2, prologue 3..."

ALIEN SPACE MONKEY MEMOIR BY TOOLOOSE STEINBECK SPARKS ROBERTS HEMINWAY STEELE WOOD

PROLOGUE 1

dem monkeeze am scaree. I iz one a dem too. I haz get space ship fast. eat fud. have no thumb lak dem so can not shut lazy gun.
play wit dem tails.
I no eat bananaz.

PW: "I know Anit-Wife. I cried too..."

Okay bloggers. Tooloose may listen to you. Can you give him a hand with his edits?

THERE'S A PLACE FOR US...SOMEDAY A PLACE FOR US...

2008-11-02T10:33:00.003-10:00

I discovered another great way to procrastinate.
REARRANGE!

For years I've been writing on my salon table. It's too high. The seat makes my back hurt. I have to move everything for dinner time.
I needed a new place. My own space. And I found it right under my nose (so to speak).
It's where I used to keep the kitty box.
So Tooloose and Girl Kitty are out of the forward cabin and it's mine...mwa ha ha ALL MINE!!!!

So what's the big deal about having your own place to write you say?
It's comforting. It gets my stuff in one area. AND I CAN SHUT THE DOOR.
No more Tooloose strolling by to get help on his Alien Space Monkey Memoir.
So where do you guys write?
How do you procrastinate?
Inquiring authorial minds want to know.

THERE'S SOMETHING HOLY ABOUT SPONGES...

2008-10-26T11:14:00.002-10:00

I'm a fan of the sponge.

Really. They're everywhere you look. In the ocean, lakes, swamps. And quite cool. Blender them up and they re-form themselves.
I'm envious.
The wreck of the Antilla was covered with these yellow tube sponges.
If I'm philosophical I can say as a writer I'm a sponge. Soaking up everything around me and then re-packaging it.
I'll be at the store and hear a woman talking on her cell phone and I find myself imagining the scenario. Of course it's not just her calling her husband to ask what he'd like for dinner. It's really she's calling her operative and giving them the password to defuse the bomb to save the world.
The man in the parking lot isn't trying to figure out where in the heck did he park his car. He's a mastermind criminal who's scoping out how to rob the jewelry store next door.
The two boys on their skateboards?
They're teenage vampires.
The old woman in line ahead of me in the drugstore?
Is buying cold medication to make meth.
I.
Can't.
Stop.
I try.
When I get home. I see Tooloose. Coming toward me.
Instead of a normal everyday cat - I see a powerful super hero animal that can - with one slinking rub with his body - turn a person into a zombie who waits on him hand and foot.
er...
Nevermind.
So what do YOU imagine?