Wednesday, June 23, 2010

SLACKER

So let's take a look at how I stand.

Status Left Hand 6 weeks after surgery: Thumb 45%, first finger 40%. middle finger 100% (I mean really what is it good for except for that), fourth finger 20%, little finger ISN"T EVEN TRYING!!!! Come on you weenie!!

Status: Right knee 2 weeks after surgery: Bending 80%, walking 90%, climbing stairs 75%.
Now this is more like it.
It's apparent to me that Mr. Left Hand is not motivated to improve like Mr. Right Knee. Come on now. Do you expect everybody to be doing everything for you forever?
Is this fair?
Mr. Right Hand is grumbling and writing letters to see if he can get some action here.
He thinks Leftie is faking it. (What kind of a name is leftie anyway. It sounds subversive)
I can't help but think Rightie has a point when I see you lolling around on a couple of pillows being waited on hand and hand.

Be advised you're being put on notice.
The rest of the body parts are ready to revolt.
You may find you'll have to explain yourself and that won't make Mr. Mouth one bit happy...
Consider this a warning.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

THIS IS A NEW ONE...

From Dewayne USA,

Dear Friend

How are You Today? I am Sergent Dewayne Pittman, an active American soldier serving in Iraq,

I am serving in the military of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq, as our mission here is highly exclusive due to insurgents everyday and car bombs are attacking our peaceful mission here.

We managed to secure funds from the war zone. The total amount is US$ 23 Million dollars in cash.

We want to move this money out of Iraq now because this place is a war zone,however we plan to give you 30% of the total money and you keep our share of 70% for us till when we will come over to meet you in your country.this is a cool deal and you must keep it confidential for security reason.

No strings attached, just help us move it out of Iraq, Iraq is a war zone. We plan on using diplomatic courier and shipping the money out in large box, using diplomatic immunity.

If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can you be trusted? Please When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact details. as a U.S soldier i am ashureing you 100% risk free.

The box can be shipped out in 48hrs if you want to handle the deal with us as partner.

Should you be interested, please contact me,so we can commence all arrangements and I Will give you more information on how we would handle this project.

Respectfully,
SSG Dewayne Pittman



DER DEWAYNE,
I DO NUT TINK SO.
PS(CHEK YER SPELING)
TOOLOOSE